Attitude of Gratitude

Confession: I still to this day misspell that word almost every single time, not excluding the time just now when I typed it as part of the title for this post. #consistency #gratitude #nodoubleTs

So I sat down at work this morning and instinctively reached for a pen and a post-it note. It's something I conditioned myself to doing once I started back here at the East office, and is a practice that I've been on-again-off-again consistent with over the past couple years. Okay, so maybe more off-again, and then just off.... but we're here now so let's just stay here. :) I had very good reasons - a long list of them, actually - to fuel me to keeping a momento nope that's a movie, MEMENTO-style bank of the little things. 

Some were little. Some were pretty big. I wrote one on the sticky side of a post-it on whatever day it crossed my mind, folded it up and dropped it in a jar on my desk, where the idea was that it would stay with the others until the end of the year. 

gratitudes!
& cairn deco because i exist one sub box at a time, still..... ;) 

^ A small collection, but the truth is, I didn't unearth the jar itself from my office relocation project until the end of August, so I didn't re-start this for the bajillionth time until September. And even then, I don't contribute daily, although it's a habit I wouldn't mind having. 

Before the work day started, I cleared the jar and made fresh space for starting over in 2018. I didn't have time to read them all, but I pulled a few out at random and read them: 

Like I said, all over the place, but I found that if I can slow down for just that moment even, that it takes to write it down and throw it in with the rest, I've given it my attention. I know full well that I take for granted many of the little things that have come my way. I also know that I'll never be able to stop and write every single one of them down in real time. I can plan to, but what I do know is that my plans are more often than not the first round rough draft of what actually happens, and nine outta ten times, I'm glad my version didn't go to print. It's the big things, and the little ones, and whatever happens in between that I'm thankful for (it's cliche, I know, I know.....); I mean that because at the end of it, the blessings outperform the challenges, even if the latter brings friends :). 

So today wasn't a perfect day, but it wasn't the worst one I've ever had, so that's a start. I can't promise I'll want to feel so optimistic for the next 362 days that we've got left in 2018, but I can promise that if I have a reason to be grateful, I'll do my best to recognize it. And as long as I'm above ground, I'll always have a reason ♥.

xo | cms

[Go &] Live

I saw this today, and while there are some menial details about my day that I could share [work, volleyball, eating food...] ... but I thought just maybe someone else out there might need this just as much as I have this week:

Just in case you didn't see that the first time, then here is one more time:

I needed that today.
Did you?

xo | cmd

Thank You, J.K. Simmons :)

This is the benefit of waking up early in my house:

the gang's all there.... passed out.. but there.. ♥♥♥♥

^ My oh my, how I love them.

Folks, today wasn't a monumental day by any stretch, but it was perfect. I have these four, and that's all I need.

A little something I'm absorbing today:

Call your mom. Call your dad. If you're lucky enough to have a parent on this earth, call them. Don't text them. Call them." - J.K. Simmons

I'm outta here for now.
Have a blessed remainder of the week, loves!

xo | cmd

Timehop.

Well I don't know if this is motivating, depressing, or somewhere in between: 

7 years ago today.. my first "big girl" job! 

^ Yeah. So this is just a quick reminder of 4 things:

1. This was post-college: my first real job in the corporate sector. I took the job in radio not quite knowing what to expect, and frankly, it was the worst job I've ever had. THERE, I said it. I was inexperienced, poorly-trained and above all, in way over my head in a nightmare work environment that would ultimately drive me and several others.. out.
2. This was post-college,which also serves to point out that I said actually in college between 11 & 7 years ago. That puts my HS class now 11 years out from our '03 graduation.
3. I, at the point when this picture was taken, actually believed that this was likely the epitome of the working class, and that, based on the..... fun?... we were having at that job, that I was screwed. I probably considered joining the Peace Corps & leaving the country on several occasions, if I remember correctly.
4. My professional life was far from over. I grew out of that job [thankful for that, can't say it enough], and eventually into the career I'm building now, doing something I love and helping people, rather than shoving cookie-cutter services down the throats of people who can't afford them. Call it a win. 

I also couldn't help but notice how young I look! Granted, I do have that whole forever-young Asian thing going for me, but I guess even I don't recognize the progression of time until I look back at shots like this, which may as well be baby pictures.

A couple years later, I posted this:

feeling determined! 

This was two months, two days after Sydni was born; I couldn't tell you if I posted this in a moment of actual clarity, or out of exasperated new-mommy desperation, but either way, it's a cold-hard truth and worth re-sharing for today. It's Monday, too, so it certainly applies to the tenacity we all have to muster at the beginning of each week.

I'm still feeling a rush from yesterday's session, where the doors opened for an opportunity to undertake a missions project. I'm still praying through that, piece by piece, as openly as I can. Today was a good day, to boot, and my family just ate the dinner I didn't burn ;), without complaint.

That's another win for the books. Now it's bathtime & bedtime stories. Goodnight!

xo | cmd

Pocketfuel : My Instagram Inspiration

I'm a proud, prolific Instagrammer, and one of the many things I love about it are they endless ways in which I can find inspiration.

First, there's all the yogis: Laura Sykora, Rachel Brathen, Gabriella Dondero. The list goes on and on.

Then, there's all the nutritional boosters: healthy foodie pages, exercise guru's, fitness apparel lines offering up encouragement.

The list goes on and on and on. A lot of what I follow includes animals, health nuts and things that remind me of my country-strong roots.

My spiritual development is of course something that takes place outside of the interweb, but it definitely doesn't hurt to find niblets of encouragement in the posts of some Instasources.

Hello, Pocketfuel.
[Go, go now and follow them!]

I won't go into a lot of detail, but I will suffice to say that these are some of my favorite posts from Pocketfuel; there are so many more worth sharing, but it'd be easiest for you to go and find them on your own.

[[[[Mare, you'll recognize some of these! ;) ]]]]

I don't know if any of those will appeal to you in any specific way today, but I know there are plenty of days when I need to see something simple like that; even the smallest reminder that I am sent out for a purpose, from one who delegates me with a task, yet never with a burden I cannot carry. 

It's the small things. Who knew I'd ever be so grateful for an Instagram account? ;) 

BLESSINGS we have in this life... and BLESSINGS we should share.

xo | cmd 

Blessed Little Whirlwind

As if yesterday's outing to the Renaissance Festival wasn't enough activity for the weekend, we continued with the whirlwind today. After church, we had lunch and then went stir-crazy at the lack of planned adventure.

That equated eventually to a day of chores: Rob mowed the lawn and started working on the winterizing process for his boat, while I detailed my car and tackled laundry & room-by-room cleaning inside the house.

Sydni was such a trooper all day; she had a hand in just about everything mommy was doing, which was not only helpful, but made my heart a little happier each hour that she is still excited to lend herself voluntarily to the chores.

When evening rolled around, she was happily nestled in her chair with a Highlights book.

little miss professor! 

Not twenty minutes after she took a seat to read and circle all the hidden pictures, I came up from the basement with a basket of laundry to find this:

poor, sweet, exhausted little girl! ♥

I just... love her. I couldn't help but laugh a little: For starters, I am guilty of falling asleep in the most random positions, places and situations, so I can't be at all surprised that she may have inherited that feature as well. Above that, she so much resembled a little old lady with her crossword puzzle and pen [aka, my paternal grandmother, to a T!], that I couldn't help but smile before I carefully peeled the book and pen from her and took her to bed.

We're a blessed little bunch here, and I know it. There are so many things even in our quiet little evening here that we take for granted more often than not, but I'm a proud, happy little lady tonight, and I think that's a good a start as any to a brand new week.

Sweet dreams, blogbots!

xo | cmd

NEWS, Part 2: New DIGS (:

Today started like this:

breathe it in!

^ I love ... winter at my parents' house.
I also love getting to see my little [well, not so little, I suppose] Maine Coon fuzzball Kobi (:

kobi cat!

There is a season for everything, as it's said:

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time forpeace.
-Ecc 3:1-8

This has definitely been a year of many, many different seasons. The underlying themes have been a balance of challenges to overcome, accompanied by the grief and admittedly the stress that comes with it, and countered by the pure joy in realizing God's timing is never a millisecond too soon or too late in His answers - which, by the way are likewise never in anything but my best interest.

Rewind this year to May, when I completed the first phase of my transition back into Cincinnati. Becky became a saving grace to me, as I found myself living with her for nearly a month in between finding a place of my own. I lived off a small collection of my things and had a split life between her apartment and a storage unit. When I found the house I have now, I counted it a profoundly-timed answer to months of prayer. Sydni and I found a soft place to land, finally, in June of this year.

settling in

I cried the first night Sydni and I both slept in our little house; the first half of the year had been a roller coaster of anxiety, nerves, prayer, supportive friends & job transitioning as well, and somehow I managed to get us back to Ohio and back into a track of stability. We had a "new" place of our own, a new job and new starts on many other levels.

We have thoroughly enjoyed living in this little community, specifically our little dead end street neighborhood; it's teaming with small families and relatives who knit together to ensure it stays safe and that each other are provided for. I've been welcomed by many of them and while we've not necessarily grown close, it's absolutely been a massive encouragement, nonetheless. My closest friends are within a short drive of us, and Rob has had no problems finding us to visit.

And we started planning. Rob had intentions of moving here in July of next year, but an unexpected riff in his job security brought his employment to a premature halt, which accelerated the need for revised plans. My little house quickly became perfectly adequate to something of a primary element of consideration in weighing out our next steps.

With time not necessarily on our side, I was faced with the need for a new car & apparently a new house as well, within a very limited span of what I deemed ample time. I have never idolized or hungered for excess money, but time has always been something I value in the highest regard. You can't take it away once you've given it, and those you earnestly give it to usually don't thwart or dismiss it. In this case, we were faced with needs outweighing our financial limitations... or so it seemed. Time was ticking away loudly in my head, day and night. I set a deadline of December 31 to finalize vehicle plans. Those materialized from start to finish in about four days after nearly five months of searching; that was yesterday's celebrated blessing.

TODAY, I received the paperwork signifying a three-way commitment between a new landlord, Rob & myself that will begin in February. 

we... can't wait (:

February 1 will be the official date that we convene again as a unit. We have accepted and managed the task of a long-distance relationship since April, which has proven to me that I have never felt so dedicated and synced with a significant other, ever. I for the first time have felt appreciated for what and who I am and what I can give, not the measure of my professional success, size of my bank account or notariety of my friends' names. I am recognized as a competent individual playing a partnership role, not an employee or muted voice in joint decisions. I am held accountable by realistic standards, and trusted with transparency. I've never had that before... and now, finally, I will have him, the man who has catalzyed my distanced mind and heart, at my side to support, encourage and love me the way I will him. Like I said, time is the most important thing we can give in this world; it's also the most important thing we'll ever receive. We, along with our dogs & of course my incredible Sydni, will finally settle for the first leg of our time here in Ohio, alllll together.

*Squeal!!

More updates on the new digs as I have them.
I'm blessed, beyond measure & beyond what I deserve.
Amen!

xo | cmd

ALMOST....

At the very tail end of last night, I received two pieces of news that turned the entire rest of yesterday around. I was having something of a sludgy time over the course of the first 11 hours or so, but nearly back-to-back phone calls solidifying the final stages of something I've been trying to untangle for months now served not only as a huge blessing, but a reminder that most of the other fog of the day was menial stuff in the bigger picture.

Also on the roster of things from last night:

coasters!

I fiiinally completed the transfer portion of the coaster-making process on all the sets [+ 2 re-do's, woops] that I had planned. The very last step to these will be the clear glaze, and maybe... just maybe .. reposting a similar shot sometime in the near future after everyone's received theirs and I won't have to hide the pictures with tacky dots. (: Christmas is THIRTEEN days from today, just... FYI. Whoa.

I also received an email earlier in the week from Hahana that our team shirts for both the seasons we played this year were available.

Hahana. Team "Backseat Sets" haha....na.

^^ Merry early Christmas, K, K & B. Hahah.

Lastly, I finally got this sucker in from Marc [shoutout, Edwardsville!!] & have it all set up to add to the rest of them. This really isn't a majestic achievement by any means, but I did have to work up to this for a little bit, so hey, I'm happy (:

boooooyah.... or something like that ;)

So yeah! Those are just some small things that make me remember not to let other things, people or circumstances get under my skin the way I sometimes do. To add to these little benefits, there are some substantially larger things coming my way here in the very near future, and once I have the ground to claim on them, I'll share, too.

Piggybacking off of work-related things, our bosses bought us an early little Christmas bonus, which is just rrrrrrrright up my alley if you know anything about me and my above-average affinity for blankets:

"soft" doesn't even begin to describe this thing...

^ Drooooool. This throw's going to have to stay here in the office, because if I take it home and sleep with it, I might never again get up. Winning (:

I. Am. Blessed. It may seem stoic and redundant, but it's true.
Now on to an evening to spend with my parents, back home in my favorite place the world: their house.

the house that built me... [miranda lambert]

Happy weekend!

xo | cmd

Sunday Screed + River Time With Friends

Ranty blog entry, comin' riiiiight up.
[you've been warned]

Actually, let me do this in reverse order, from the last half of the day first.

Sydni and I went to church this morning [about which the latter part of this entry will spiel], and afterwards headed home to try a nap [no success] and tidy up the house some. We were done with plenty of time to spare by the time Becky was off work, so we headed up to Northside, picked her up and headed out to the water.

Oh, and check out what she picked up for me at Market!

I. Love. It. [Thanks, Becky!!!]

Anyway, our original plan was to go kayaking, but we changed our minds at the last minute and piled all three of us into a canoe instead. Sydni had a blast.

canoeing with miss becky | viewing window at dewey's!

We finished up on the water after a little while and decided it was dinner time; Sydni said she wanted pizza, so we were off to Dewey's in Oakley - another spot I've not been in years.. at least not the Oakly store. Mike joined in and the four of us did some work on some food before parting ways for the evening. Perfect way to round out the weekend!

************************************

So yeah.. like I said I wanted to get back to, and focus today primarily on the revelation I had this morning and how that's been spanning over the course of my day so far. Here's where this becomes a diatribe.

 

Sydni and I went to church this morning: It was my second time visiting SonRise, and Syd's first. She seemed hesitant at first, but then discovered the tube slide that serves to introduce kids into the classrooms, and immediately threw all caution to the wind. From what I saw and heard afterwards, she loved her class, teacher and the other kids in with her.

 

What hit me this morning, was this: 

I landed in SonRise in the middle of a sermon series, which is not uncommon and I was curious to see how much I'd missed. The focal point of this series is human emotion and how that corresponds/correlates with the presence of God in our lives and His purpose for us. Today was honed in on anger. What's most interesting about anger is that it's one of the hardest emotions to break; even psychiatrists and behavioral scientists don't have failproof methods to combat it. I realized today that I grossly underestimated the amount of anger I had - and still have - in certain areas of my life. 



break free. i will.

If you have, for some reason, been following along over the course of the past year or so, it's no secret to you that I've put myself and been put by others through some not-so-pretty things. I went through a divorce, started dating someone new, relocated across two states, started a new job and found myself back in Cincinnati, both to my disappointment and relief. That's the shortest version of the recap. I've always coined myself a resilient person adaptable to most types of change, but even for me, it was a little much.  

 

Today it hit me that the anger I have inside me, mainly directed a few individuals, is deep-seeded, beyond what I originally thought was just the past year or so. I realized today, that it started over four years ago. I'm not naturally a bitter or resentful person, so for me, that's a long time to be angry with the same person[s]. It wasn't until that anger turned to hate... literally hate in my heart for things that both were and weren't in my control. I started building a prison around my own heart.

 

I have been crippling myself with this, more evidently so in the past year. From 2009 to the end of 2011, I had become an angrier person than I had ever been, ever. No, not angry as in physically-aggressive or violent, but emotionally furious: with some other people, with the stagnant state of my life, but most of all with myself for keeping record of things in my head but keeping my mouth shut about them until it was too late. In 2012, I made and went through with the final choice to end my marriage, which still stings to think about [not the other person, but the idea that I was a part of something that had become toxic to the point of ripping us both apart as separate people if we forced it any further]. Things boiled over: Things I'd left unsaid for three years, reasons I felt the way I did and harsh judgments and facts that at the time seemed entirely justified to say out loud. They came rushing out in ways I didn't even expect: lists on lists of reasons we had failed, why I was so enraged, to the core, and unequivocally inconsolable

 

People tried to help me. Family, who fortunately in my world is always there for me, first, and of course my closest friends at the time, all tried to be an outlet in one way or another for me. But no... I was too angry, too hurt, too embarrassed by it all, too exhausted to slow down and put a white-hot boiling heart on my sleeve for the world to see. Instead, I shut down. I stopped speaking all together, to just about everyone.. about anything that mattered, that is. People even as close as co-workers wouldn't have been able to feel the heat, because I made it a direct point to shelter people around me from the burden of whatever strife I had going on. Only those carried by gusts of gossip or those as close to me as I'd let any of them had any inkling of how defeated and abandonded I really felt.

 

Here's the thing that hit me today: I can't do this anymore. More than that, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so relieved [& honest] to report that now, not even a year after my divorce, that I am happy. I really am, and it's genuine this time. It's sincere, not urged or forced for the sake of blending in or standing out, whichever was called for. I'm happy, from the inside out and not the other way around.

 

However,

 

By that, I primarily mean that, we'll call it 98% of what was causing me to deteriorate before, has been removed and replaced with new, functioning elements that have been integral parts of my repair so far. The 2% I can't claim, though, is the lingering amount of anger I still have, because I am both stubborn and human. Because I have realized the anger I have, its targets and I have recognized that I will NOT be able to do a 180 turnaround overnight. I will continue praying, and continue focusing my energy on letting go of things beyond my control and out of my hair.

 

I will give you two very real, very legitimate reasons that I have to do this:  

they love me, & deserve the unfiltered best of my love

^ I admitted to myself today that I am not capable of loving the important people in my life now, the way I want to and the way they deserve, if I'm still harboring resentment or hate for anyone from my past. Chapters of my life were written and closed for a reason, and I need to focus now the fact that it didn't destroy me; in actuality it made me stronger, wiser and in some ways, more passionate about the ones I love and the causes in which I believe. It's taught me the stark differences between fake and real, forced and natural, and surface feelings versus a state of being that starts from places deeper than I've ever been before.
 

MONTHS ago, I started a series of letters. By series, I mean just a handful, but very specific and very different, in there own ways. Those letters will not be shared here, at least not by me, but it is my committment to an invitation given today by a Pastor I've yet to get to know well, to initiate the first step of forgiving: Them AND/or myself. I'm scared to admit that the latter will most definitely be harder than the first, but the angry cycle I'm in now has to break. 

 

I didn't much enjoy it while I was sitting through it this morning, feeling that familiar conviction when it seems like a lesson was written with your face in mind. It doesn't always happen that way, but when it does, I sit and hang onto each word, knowing that if I'm doing that, I must need it more than I thought.

 

I'll leave it at that.

 

Yours truly,  

imperfect, but trying.
i'm not giving up.

xo | cmd

Love. Shameless. Real = Shamelessly REAL Love.

I’m feeling especially grateful today. Bear with me.

There were a few different ways I thought to approach this; the first would have been cautiously, for the sake of prying, nosy eyes, and the other for the benefit of self-expression and the reality that I no longer have to hide behind any sort of façade for the benefit of the aforementioned [chew on that]. I’ve earned a hard-fought degree in lessons recently on shielding myself from reality, and shielding reality from those around me who would rather spread a headline than read it.

That being said, it’s my hope that I’ll look back at this some time from now and remember the way I felt when I finally started to discover that part of myself that I’d reserved for only myself, for far too long. There are bits and pieces of my emotional state that I let show, but in filtered segments and surely diluted. More often than not, I was 110% guilty of smiling when I wanted to scream, laughing when I wanted to cry, and volunteering my participation into whatever event or activity was presented, when everything in me was protesting... begging me to retreat into solitude. A lot of people call that a people-pleaser. That was me. So yeah, I was pretty fake.

We can all identify with the quality of fake things. Knock-off product brands rarely hold up to their genuine competition, manufactured additions we add to our bodies are constantly requiring attention or maintenance, …. And when was the last time a TOY replica of anything was able to compete with the real thing? Why was I really all that surprised that my pretending to be happy with a life that only partially satisfied me would last?

  

Today, for some reason, I feel like celebrating. Not the throw-a-party kinda thing, but an honest, earnest expression of gratitude for the place I find myself in right now.

Here’s the thing:

I am moving back to Ohio in less than 3 weeks, for the sake of my family [Sydni]. It’s a move that has me both excited and anxious: Sydni will have both of her parents within earshot, thus eliminating the 6-hr trip that we’re both making to do biweekly exchanges. For that reason alone, I’m propelled enough to tackle the gritty tasks of coordinating housing, lining up a job, and getting everything packed up for transfer back to Cincinnati. On the flip side of that, I’ll be leaving a job here that I love, friends I’ve come to respect and adore, and a boyfriend who has been nothing but honest, real and supportive of my journey through not just my repair process, but more importantly the intense brokenness that came before it. Aside from my coworkers and a small handful of friends who’ve bothered to stick around, I’ve started to mend at the hands of Sydni, the love of my life… and Rob: the boyfriend and confidante who has reminded me how valuable -- and rare -- balanced relationships really are.  

inspired: to be a mother. a better mother. daily.
inspired: to be a companion. a better companion. daily.

Kids, I may be far behind schedule on learning the trick to this life thing, but the way I’ve got it figured, it’s never too late to discover yourself…. Or in my case, to acknowledge and follow it.

You'll never catch me claiming to be flawless. I’ve made more mistakes than I care to list, and I’ve hurt more people than I ever should have. At the same time, I haven’t put nearly enough effort into defending myself against the stones that anyone may’ve cast not just in my general direction, but at my head. The way I see it, there’s a certain pride I've never been able to shake; it dictates that I choose my battles wisely and my confrontations even more scarcely. Quite frankly, I see no point in lashing back against people who slander only to justify themselves. Plain and simple. The problem that I face with that is that my silence is more often than not mistaken as an admission of guilt to whatever accusation is on the table. 

“If she has nothing to say, clearly she’s guilty.”

 Okay.

This is the beauty of self-discovery. You realize so much about yourself and you know the truth to the rumors. At the end of the day, you’ll sleep just fine knowing that the bloated proportions in which those around you choose to meddle are just that: bloated, exaggerated and positioned to solicit pity. The irony in it is that I pity more the blinded minds that accept things at face value without investing an inch of effort to educate themselves on the full story. I pity anyone, myself included [because I've done it] who follows the claims of any one source without regard to fact. If it's drama we're after, well... call me indifferent if you will, but quite frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn.

The weird part is, right now, I’m faced with coordinating a relocation two states away, remotely. I have little time to finalize everything, and even less time to squeeze in for the people who’ve made such an impact on me for the time I’ve been here. I’ll be moving closer to the one person who fooled even my critical eye for far too long, and starting from scratch on a job. ALL THAT BEING SAID, I feel more blessed than ever even in circumstance. I am stressed, but I am happy.

Let me repeat: I am stressed, but I AM HAPPY.

Crazy, isn’t it?  I look back to my life pre-discovery, some 6-8 months ago and realize I had very few actual cares to tend to, but save for my daughter, I was otherwise the unhappiest I have ever been, ever. Now, in a state of complete flux and minimally-managed chaos, I am more content than I've been in a long time. I am anxious, yes. Worried? No. Fearful of the future? Not anymore. Oh, the volumes....

……………………………………… *Sigh.

Here’s a letter I wrote to myself…. 

turning a new leaf. i'm ready.

I titled this entry the way I did because I am finally acknowledging to both myself and anyone who cares to listen, that I am me. I am imperfect, but healing and learning daily at the hands of my creator, held accountable by family, and held in place by friends. I am shamelessly honest with myself and now with those around me. I will follow His direction as best I can, and I'll love every day knowing the next isn't promised. The wolves can only get me if I let them, but I've filled my schedule.... that'll have to wait. 

I love my Lord, my Savior.
I love my daughter.
I love my friends.
I love my boyfriend.
And I love my life. I don't deserve an inch of it.

Moral of the story, folks:
Be REAL. Be HONEST. BE SHAMELESS.
Love yourself, and love others. It’ll change your life.

xo | cmd

Thankful 2k12 : A Mini Novel

My mind is kind of all over the place with this one, so I ask in advance for your forgiveness in that regard.

First of all, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! This is one of my favorite holidays all around, primarily because of the whole family vibe, but definitely in part to the unrealistic amount of food consumed in the span of just a few hours.

I felt I should cover a few bases for Thanksgiving 2012, since this year is the segue to many more that will be very similar, if not even more removed than the current state.

*Sigh.

So the inescapably-abridged version of my current status looks a little something like this:

I am in the middle of a divorce. There. I said it. I hate to throw that boulder in the road right in the middle of Thanksgiving [of all times], but please trust me when I say I'll tie it all together.

Since I'm sure there are at least one or two questions about that statement, this is where I start incorporating the current with my overall gratitude on this holiday.

I married an incredible man. I still believe hat whole-heartedly about him. What? Well then why....? I know. It seems that, by default, we should be soaring right along in a life of marital bliss with the occasional hiccup. You'd be right to think that, but unfortunately it didn't turn out that way. I am not proud of the way things have turned out, and I don't endorse or support divorce [I hate that word, too]. Never did I intend on reaching the point of ultimate separation from the man to whom I pledged my entire life, but after years of praying and pleading for my heart to feel something I already knew had become foreign and intolerable, I caved to myself and made what I viewed as a courageous attempt to grant us both real happiness later in life. That we didn't work out will always haunt me in the sense that I should've weighed it on the front end much more closely than I did, made far more attempts to settle disputes as they came, and communicated better. Take that for what it is; I am just as guilty here. I am thankful for the experience as a whole, and as testing as it's been, I know we will both emerge on the other side as stronger people, better partners to the next who walk into our lives, and wiser parents.

The rest of this is pretty standard stuff....

I have a daughter for whom I'd not only die, but for whom I would give the world, the stars, and a planet if I ever discovered a way to wrangle one. There's something to be said about the love for and of a child that only eminates from a parent. Some of you know. Some of you, I hope one day will. It'll stand uncontested. End of story.

My family: words wouldn't do them justice. All I can say there is that I'm adopted, but that doesn't matter. I have a family rivaling most. We're quirky, dysfunctional and totally loving every minute of it.

My friends: Y O U guys & girls are a group to be ENVIED. I say that not because you're my friends, but because you are absolutely. freaking. amazing. I didn't ask for your support and I didn't expect you to be there when I fell off whatever pedestal of contentment I'd had for whatever time. You were there. You were supportive, and you were more than willing to love me for me in spite of my nuuuumerous imperfections. One of these days I'll return those favors. Until then, just know that I love you to the ends of the world and back. I'd be a blundering mess if it weren't for some of you, and literally dead or dying if it weren't for a few of you specifically. Thank you. I mean it.

My head spins sometimes when I think about the level of gratitude I have for the elements of my life - both the good, the bad, and shoot, even those that just seem to be neutrally supplemental. I'm one lucky girl, in spite of whatever you've heard ;)

xo | cmd

Daily Gratitudes

I've been pledging to myself the last few weeks to attain and maintain a higher level of overall positivity. While this is absolutely relevent to my personal life, as well, as it pertains to what I'm sharing now, this is specific to my life at work.

My job is rooted in the interaction with other people. If there was simply ONE word to describe what I do - not my job title, but rather my actual job - it would be the word people. People of just about every calibur cross my desk or my phone line in the course of just a single day, for a list of reasons I wouldn't even want to begin detailing. There are moments that drive me to what I often think to be the end of my wit, but more frequently there are floods of gratification to be had from the fruit of my labor. Correction, our labor.

I am part of a machine which, at times, has had broken pieces, mis-calibrated gears, and of course, days during which it seems to be completely out of commission all together. Like every good office, the most productive days can only be measured agains the comparative scale of menial and tedious crap through which we march day in and day out in search of success. Without divulging unecessary detail, I'll simply say that most recently, the overall functionality of my work-life has taken some dramatic leaps both down, up, down, and back up, and I'm proud to be part of what seems to be a stretch of improvement.

Again, even in the realm of  internal functioning, people have just about 98% of the determining power as to whether or not any collective endeavor will be effective in its originally intended form. [That other 2%? I'm convinced it's failed technology.] Well, as it so happens, I work with a group of people, with whom I've seen good, bad, ugly, and everything in between. I will consider them my work family, simply because we do in fact spend a third of the hours in a work-day week hanging out in the same office. That's more than enough time to experience the way a person is wired and how they can contribute to an overall effort.

ALL of that being said, we allotted a portion of today to Office Training, with Wendy- a gal who used to work on the corporate side of my company, conducting training for all the newbs [such as myself, a few years back] and consulting for the franchise owners and developers. She's pretty awesome. Her passion now is consulting, and that's probably what landed her in our hands for an hour today.

Kids, I'm a skeptical person, slightly by nature but more subliminally by experience. When it comes to anything formatted as a "formal group exercise," I'm unfortunately that person that needs to be sold on it within the first few points in order to absorb its content. Well, I already like Wendy from previous encounters, so I had no doubt walking into this that it would be worth it.

Good call, Cori! :)
Wendy wasted no time digging right in - deep, but with a goal no more zealous than to identify the exact fundamentals that drive our process. I was pleasantly surprised. I'll spare the more involved details, but I eventually wanted to share this with the world, because I'm sold.... that it's beneficial.


"daily gratitudes"

May I introduce: Daily Gratitudes.
Nothin' like starting from scratch.
The assignment is this: Moving forward, each day, take 5 minutes before and after the day passes to answer those questions, and see if it doesn't start to make a difference. Sure, it's kiiiind of "woo woo" things, as Wendy coins them, meaning they're a little cheesy in both theory and presentation, but that's not to void their effectiveness. I get it, it's a little elementary, but past face value [I took my first go at it this afternoon] it's actually kind of neat. My brain functions consciously on the most recent information to pass through it, so keeping a running and constantly-revised draft of this at the forefront of my brain has been helpful.

Example 2:
Identify any given group of people, issues, or functions in your day-to-day routine, and then list, in no particular order, any and all one-word descriptions that would encompass that person, issue, or function. For instance, we used, "associates," referring to the group of people who are either current or prospective employees of ours. There was a vast, vast range of adjectives in that regard, and rightfully so, on both spectrums. Once we'd poured out enough honesty to hold us for a while, we were instructed to review the list and cross off all the derogatory descriptors. After that, make a committment to refrain from using any/all negatives, while simultaneously focusing on only building from the positives. Reality check.

Like I said, totally basic, totally applicable, and above all, totally doable theories.
I didn't realize how much I would appreciate Wendy's visit today, but as it looks right now, I think I'll be consulting that consultant on a frequent basis.

And... I'm encouraged. I needed an extra little pick-me-up, and that was it. Thanks, Wendy :).

Welp, Mo was here earlier and will be back again after TeamKid; I suppose I'd better get to packing for the weekend before she gets back... one more day at work before it's O-H... I-O! bound!

I. Can't. Wait.

xo | cmd

Give Thanks on Thanksgiving!!



happy thanksgiving! | *cupcake!

In the true spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I would compile a list of the things or people for which/whom I am most thankful. Since it quickly blossomed into quite the lengthy thing, I shaved it down to the ones that stuck out in the front of my mind. This isn't to say I don't count myself blessed for each and every wonderful facet of my life, but for the sake of Thanksgiving, I will give thanks. Mmk??

Getting down to it:

.: My faith. I seriously doubt I would be who or where I am today without the faith I have in the Lord, my Savior. There was a point of my life in which I thought I really was capable of handling my life on my own terms without tearing the whole thing to shreds. I couldn't have been any further turned around than I was, and looking back, I'm thankful also for the times that tested me to my core. I know there was a plan, and I know that plan now is taking me to places and blessing me with things I couldn't have imagined. Taking that one step further, He has graced us with a church and a church family unlike any that I've ever had before. The fellowship we have with our Towerview family is incredible. Our Lord is responsible for the creation of our world, and yet He crafts my blessings one by one, specific to my needs. Hallelujah, I will praise Him!!

.: My family. When I say family, I realize the broad scope of the term, so I'll leave that to encompass my entire family. That starts with my incredible husband Joe and our daughter Sydni, without whom I would be lost in this world. They are my better halves? thirds, and they complete me in a way even I don't think I could begin to explain. It continues on then to our parents, our siblings, our nieces and nephews, our cousins, aunts, uncles, and everything in between, even on down to Bootsie, our dog. I look at the intricately woven mix of people in my family in particular [woo, adoption!], and I can't imagine my life any differently. I couldn't fathom anything less or more than the outstanding, unique group of people that comprise my [our] family tree.  I love you all, so very much.

.: My friends. Some are young, and some are gettin' up there ;), but when it's all said and done, there are a few who I believe are truly indispensable. To highlight just a few - my best friend, Kalyn, who lives right around 1,525 miles away from me, is probably the only other girl I've ever met that is truly on my level in just about everything. She is certainly a kindred soul, and I surely wouldn't trade our friendship for the world. I miss you, KP!! I also don't think this year would've been quite the same without our big vow renewal ceremony back in September, and I wouldn't have thought twice to ask anyone other than the girls I did: Jennifer, Laney, and Brittany - you girls are inspiring in your own specific ways and I admire the qualities you have that make us such good friends. [Cynthia and Maricor, my other two bridesmaids, are part of my family, but don't you dare feel left out! Hah.]  Happy Thanksgiving, to all of my dear friends; I hold you close to my heart and I truly do value how you've marked my life!



turkey!



.: My job. It sounds silly, but the sole mission of my job is to find work for other people, and to supply qualified employees for clients in need. On a daily basis, we hear story after story of people whose lives were smooth sailing until employment went sour and the bottom fell out from underneath their feet. Some deserved to lose their positions, yes, but others just couldn't control the economy and were consequently left behind in the wake of recession waves. I feel for all of these folks, especially during holiday seasons. There is such a reward in what we do when we've done it right and matched up the best people with jobs in which they'll excel. On top of that, our boss[es] gave us each a turkey as a Thanksgiving present this year - so thoughtful! :)

.: My life. Vague again, I know, but I'll allow this one to be somewhat all-encompassing as well. To keep it simple, I categorized my life's blessings and boiled it down as best I could. Our family and friends, jobs, housing, transportation, health, and salvation are the elements upon which we find ourselves building a life as individuals, as a couple, as parents, and as a family. Sure, I'm still human with human emotions, mistakes, and faults. There are ups and there are definitely downs, but even in the seemingly endless, intolerable times, I am still blessed with the wealth of what is actually a beautiful life. It's not perfect, but if it were anything other than what it is now, it wouldn't be mine.

SO, with just a glimpse at my blessings, I will let that be and get on to our Thanksgiving celebration with Joe's family here in Cincinnati. Earlier this morning, Joe went and played football with the old Milford HS guys that annually get together on Thanksgiving and make an event of it. Now he's back here resting up, and I really should get to making this dessert for his family's get together. I cannot wait to see them.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

xo | cmd

Blue Skies!



beautiful blue!



Blue Skies, smilin' at me

Nothin' but blue skies do I see

Bluebirds singin' a song
There's nothin' but bluebirds all day long

Seems like all the days are hurryin' by
When you're in love, my how they fly

Those blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

Seems like all them days are hurryin' by
Cause when you're in love, then my how they fly

Them blue days, all of 'em gone
And there's nothin' but blue skies from now on

- "Blue Skies" by Louis Armstrong

****

This song felt particularly inviting today as I was driving all around and everywhere I looked, all I saw was infinite blue. I love it.

Yes, it's still roughly one-hundred-and-some-hot-hot-hot out there.
-- But it's gorgeous, and I feel blessed to have every second of it.

Wanna know why?
Well....

Today, in Japan, the final drafts are being drawn on radiation educational pamphlets that will be distributed to all Japanese school children, in essence giving them a crash course in the causes, effects, and after effects of disasters like the one from which they're still recovering. 

Today, in parts of our country, including Houston, TX, a drought is threatening the welfare of farmers, livestock, and civilians. I'm pretty sure that it's hot here, but we're not [yet] experiencing any shortages on the things we need the most.

What I'm saying is, that while I was guilty myself of griping at this soaring heat index, I am blessed to have eyes to see a shining sun, a functioning sensory system to feel its warmth, and the means to stay sheltered from it when it becomes uncomfortable.

Plus, blue skies are, in my opinion, much better than gray skies. :)

Happy Thursday!

xo | cmd