& I Did NOTHING Today

and it was amazing.

Okay, I might be lying a little. I didn't compleeeetely waste the day; I got some cleaning done and started scouting for a pub-style kitchen table. I didn't have much success in that regard today, but I've got some ideas.

In the interest of continuing the transformation of my little home, I made a trip to Marshall's and picked up two storage bins for a decorative yet functional project I've been doing at the house.

my mission for the day.... haha

I succeeded in getting everything done that I'd planned for the day, what little there really was, at my own leisure. It was fantastic. I had so much extra time at my disposal that I got myself wrapped up into laughing over some first world problems with practical solutions that a friend shared via the fabuloso world-a wide-a webbbbb....

What do you think about those? I don't know that I'd go so far as to line my toilet seat with tube socks, but hey, to each his own.. haha. I do think some of the other ideas are pretty practical, and might even try them one of these days. [Sure... reality says I'll probably add that to a wish-list of actions along withy my bajillion Pinterest ideas, but whatev...]

Anywho, I'm not doin' a single thing tonight and uhhh, that's the way, UH HUH, UH HUH... I liiiike it!

Who says these weekends always have to be chaotic?? ;)

xo | cmd

Re-Titled: A Backdated Ramble

Today was the first time in a long time that I woke up in a crabby mood.... on a FRIDAY.

I'm not sure if I'm alone in this matter [well, I know I'm not, but]; I wonder really how many other people out there have this happen to them, and if so, how frequently. Today... I woke up at 3am, in tears, over something Rob did in my dream. I managed to calm myself down enough to fall back asleep for another 45 minutes before I was again wide awake, and by that time could barely recall why I was so upset in the first place.

...... But I was still mad.
.... And grumpy.

So I headed in to work, fighting my own interest in the two pictures Rob sent early this morning: one of him and one of the pups... it was like I was a wronged 5-year-old trying to prove a point. In reality, all I really wanted from him was a huge hug after it all.... but I knew that wasn't going to happen with him two states away. Time to buck up, yeah? 

.. Yeah.

So anyway, the rest of the day unfolded itself without much stress; we started off with a developer meeting, some other meetings, and some other various business matters integrated into the regular flow of the day. Closing time rolled around and we all went our ways for the weekend. I had no plans for the night, until Catie and Andy invited me down to OTR. I rolled off the couch and out of my PJ's [I won't embarrass myself by telling you what time I was actually in my pj's to start... hahaha... we'll just say I'm old...], and made my way down to Neon's.

I'm so glad I did. It was a short evening with Catie, but I wound up in the company of Nader, Keith, Eli and a few others to end the night. I thought that was going to happen when the establishments started closing down for the night, but instead found myself diving into a really deep conversation with Nader & Keith for almost an hour and a half after the streets were quiet.

It's funny, not realizing how badly you need something until it just happens. Nader is like my brother; for years now we've looked out for each other, and I'll be honest that it broke me a little hearing some of the things that have gone unsaid for nearly three years now. I continue to see, every day, the damage that was done by the course I followed for that time. With every person with whom I've reconnected over the past six months, I find more and more peace, feel more of the healing taking hold of me, and most importantly, re-discover the ME that I put on a shelf in efforts to please everyone around me. Never again. I am again among people who knew me before all of this happened.. who know the real me, and while I shut them out for so long, they never left. I hurt them, yes, but they've forgiven me for walking away and are shedding even more light now on why they think that happened.

This transition back to Ohio has been a rocky endeavor. I have a boyfriend back in Illinois who I love, with my heart and my trust, and those two together invested into one person has never happened to me before. He's my best friend, a voice of reason, an open ear and most importantly, human, just like me. He's NOT fake, treats those around him as equals, not employees, and can admit his shortcomings and failures when they happen. I didn't know how much I would appreciate these things until I experienced NOT having them, and then having them 100%. I love him, and he loves me, equally. If there's anything I lost by leaving Illinois, it's him, and a few select people who guided and helped me along the way back here. I'm here now, in Ohio, and still a little unsure of the path I'll uncover. What I do know is that my support system is wider than I ever thought it would be; there are people I love here ready to pick up where we left off three years ago, without question. I don't deserve that, and I owe them.

Anyway, so I made it home in the wee hours of the morning, still reveling in the time and conversation with my friends. This is going to be a trying year for me from here on out, but with continued diligent prayer, the smiling face of my daughter, and the support of my friends and family, I know I've got this.

Happy weekend, blogbots (:

xo | cmd

KIM!

Hello, Thursday (:

And hello, KIM!!

Earlier this week, Kim and I crossed chats and made tentative plans to get together today, if for no other reason than to catch up on the last two years and just make contact. (: We promised we'd have a sit down, and so after work I headed up to Kenwood and saw my friend that I hadn't seen since her wedding over a year ago! 

2007 & 2013 (:

I missed her! We had some definite laughs over the last six years or so, remembering some of the hilarious [and definitely not so hilarious] things, places and people that now seem to be such a distant, stark contrast to where we both are now in life. It was refreshing to look back on the days of unabashed malarky and know that your friends survived it along with you :) OH, plus.... Kim and her awesome husband Dan are expecting their first little one in October! Thanks A LOT for being an adorable prego; I've been trying to avoid the baby fever [still am.. nobody panic], but seeing cute prego's who make that part of it look good really doesn't help. Hah. I've already decided I eventually want more kids, but certainly not anytime in the next year. Just one of those things, I suppose. In time....

Anyway, Kim and I agreed not to let another two years lapse before we hung out again, and went our separate ways for the evening. I had every intention on meeting up with Becky for some bluegrass down in Washington Park, but knew that before I did anything else, I had to tackle the front lawn at my house.

It's small, yes, but it was getting out of control. Trish's grandparents were so kind to lend me their mower since I've yet to decide on getting one of my own, and in ten minutes the deed was done. It's a huge improvement, and aside from the grass still being damp from all the recent rain, it was cake.


it's the little things (:

Now, if I could just make a decision on the dryer plug adaption... we'll be all set.

TOMORROW.. IS... FRIDAY. Halle-stinkin'-lujah.

I don't think Rob's going to make it in town this weekend, and if I'm being honest, I'm so sorely disappointed that I can't go there to make up for it.. Yeah, I'm bummed that I won't see him. To dull that disappointment [in a completely separate way], Kalyn & Keifer are moving back this weekend and hopefully that will keep my mind off whatever else is missing.

Either way, life's good and I really have no room to complain.
.. I hope yours is too (:

xo | cmd

Well Isn't That Somethin'

I discovered popcorn chips this week.

Let me repeat that:

I discovered POPCORN... CHIPS.... this week.


these things. hello, new addiction.

I partially blame this on Elisa for introducing me to these things late last week. I was on a mission to find some salad dressing just around the corner at Kroger, and I happened down the chip aisle. I snagged a box of these things, and while I liked the variety Elisa had better, these are still delicious and I thiiiiink... I'm hooked. Dangit! I already told Ali about these [we share an affinity for popcorn], and advised her not to judge me if she shows up next weekend and the house is full of these things. Haha.

Anyway, that was a tiny highlight of the day [it doesn't take much for me, seriously]. I'd prayed that the rain would hold off long enough to get a quick paddle in with Becky. That didn't happen; instead it stormed all afternoon and well into the evening. Since her and I are always so great at making actual plans [< that's a lie], we decided that I would just head her way and we would go from there.

who knew....

Insert also, that I finally broke down and made a pitstop at Home Depot to pick up some shelf supports. I've so desperately needed these tiny little things to get the rest of my shelves up; the original pegs are still packed away, I'm thinking likely in a box somewhere still at Rob's house. Either way, I never thought such a big part of what I had left to do would be contingent on something so small, but I reached another milestone in putting my place together with them.

Anyway, Becky and I did dinner at the Thai Cafe down in Ludlow, then retreated from the rain back to her place to hang out for a little while before I headed home.

pad thai (:

It. Is. ALMOST. Friday.

Tomorrow I'll see Kim for the first time in..... well, it's been a while. If it's not raining, I'll get this lawn mowed, too. Haha. We'll see.

xo | cmd

Oh HAAAA... HAAA. :P

It's funny how, even though I'm technically settled now, things are still spinning. It's always busy [I'm not complaining], so it seems like there's never a dull moment.

In the midst of the chaos, I nearly had a mini stroke from a conversation over text with Becky earlier today:


turd. haha..

Suuure, I would've been thrilled for her and any new job opportunity, but I seriously would've faced much dismay had she been serious. This all stemmed from the earlier messages of my asking what her evening plans were, and her telling me, "farewell dinner." As it turned out, it was a dinner for someone else; she and I are river-bound tomorrow and I will guarantee you we'll both have at least one welt each for me punching her and her returning the gesture. [P.S. - she's not leaving.] Don't DO these things to me! hahaha...

To combat any leftover doubt I may have had from earlier in the day, I planned a solo mission to IKEA after work. This could've gone either way: me either getting exactly what I needed and not a thing more, or me being lured into the jungle with nobody to help me.

Got news for ya: I made it out alive! [I know you were all concerned.. haha.. just kidding...] Seriously though, I intended to pick up a cheap coffee table to replace the one I have now. There's not enough space for the table I already had, so I was on a mission to find something smaller. The glass top table now has a home [along with the owl lamp, thanks Mom :)] on top of the otherwise unused ledge that protudes into the living room.


.. and don't ask me how i got that sucker up there... it wasn't pretty.. haha..

And...


thanks again, ikea (:

Oh yeah, I got a cute little rug for under the table, too.. all for under $40, and less than 20 minutes to assemble [gotta love particle board]. This place is coming together one stitch at a time, and I can't complain one bit. This is gonna be a good little place for me; I can tell.

Sooo....

Kalyn moves back this weekend.. & Keifer too!

Rob's visiting [still tentative, but I'm really hoping!] this weekend.

Becky & I [& maybe Mike, too?] are kayaking tomorrow.

Trish is lending me her lawn mower to take care of this mess out front.

Ali is visiting in 2 weeks.

Brittany's housewarming party is in 3 weeks.

Heidi just sent me another picture of my family from this past weekend.

Julie just sent me a mega-encouraging message to help uplift & motivate me (:

Jamie just sent me pictures of the mountains in Kurdistan.

Kim & I are hanging out on Thursday.

Catie & I are scheduling a date when she gets back from Chi.

GOD is GOOD.. ALL the time... & ALL the time, GOD... IS.. GOOD.

....Look at all these incredible people in my life! How could I not feel blessed?!

Tomorrow's midweek.
See you then!

xo | cmd

Monday: Come & Gone

Sign of a good morning?...

love. this. part.

... when your best friend calls you, first thing in the morning (:
[& when you nearly miss the call because you're trying to get a screenshot..haha..woops!]

 

Definitely not a bad way to start the usually-dreaded Monday. The day itself was a little sluggish, but I did get to have another great conversation with my mom before it was over. That being said, things are in an upward swing and I feel hopeful, from the core, for the first time in a while.

By the time the day did end, I was ready to veg out some, and just relax.
And then, I remembered I had laundry to do.
And then, I remembered my dryer still needs a plug adapter.
And then, I remembered we hung a clothesline yesterday before Mom & Dad left.
And thennnnn, I got really excited, because I honestly prefer line-dried clothes anyway.

I'm certain some days that I was born into the wrong generation. It's simple stuff like this that I love. It was awesome.

the original dryer (:

Not a bad start to the week. I've got to mow this lawn here within the next couple of days, but we're taking things one step at a time now that I feel like my feet are on the ground and not spinning endlessly above it.

Kalyn's in town, too, until tomorrow, when she and Keifer fly back to AZ, pack up all their stuff, and then MOVE TO OHIO at the end of THIS week. I can barely take it, I'm so excited! And hopefully, Rob will be here for the weekend, too. I owe him a trip there now, but either way I miss him more than I could tell any of you... and it'll be perfect to see him, in whichever state it happens to be. 

Good news? Four days til the weekend ;)

xo | cmd

It Will Be Okay (:

This whole journey on which I've been for the past year or so now is starting to come full circle. I looked back on some of the entries I wrote towards the middle to end of last year and saw myself then: scared, angry, confused, hurt, in denial, broken..... but more importantly unsure anymore of who I was, doubting my own worth and ability because of it all. I had crumbled, and was starting to pick up the pieces and put them back together. I knew I had a long road ahead of me, with some pretty daunting tasks to accomplish in a short amount of time.
My sister told me in a conversation the other day that through it all, she'd been angry with me: angry for me shutting down, for me not going to her or our parents when we both knew I needed them, but mainly... because she saw me giving up who I was, standing down instead of standing up for myself, and letting someone else dictate my life in a way that was unhealthy from the start. I had become a person that anyone from "pre-2008" would've scoffed at; they wouldn't have believed it was me if I'd told them. I was numb, broken and bitter. I limited my company to a few select individuals, and shut the rest of the world off.

Not. Who. I. Am.
And then....

and this is who i am. we're getting back to that.

I took a dive, head first, didn't drown, and although then I felt like I was alone, I knew deep down that I never was, and I never will be. Things slowly started working themselves into place, both with and against the grain of what I would've liked. I owe everything to some select people, without whom I honestly don't know what I would've done. Among the many who extended themselves to me in the process of getting back: Becky, Mike and Rob proved to be pillars I sincerely couldn't have gone without. I knew then, even in the phase of vagabond status I held for nearly a month, that wherever I landed, things would be okay.

Today marked the end of a weekend: as short as it was and as quickly as it passed, it was sort of the culminating point I'd subconsciously needed more than I could've imagined. My parents have been here for the past two days, and I quickly realized the power of falling back into the arms of family, and the impact that can have on the heart, even in just one weekend. My family is comprised of people who are not related by blood, and have had our battles together, but as I watched my parents leave today, I felt renewed by the entire experience, and I know without doubt that YES, IT WILL BE OKAY.

To save you all from any more of my sappy rants, I'll give you some more menial things, like the fact that my college-esque living room took another step towards adulthood today! Haha. Really, though, Mom & I went out this morning while Dad spent time with Sydni. We hit up a few different stores for miscellaneous things before digging into the real mission: find curtains for the front room. They'd brought me two bamboo blinds from their house, and by the time it was all said and done, we'd found fashionable coverings for the front windows and for Sydni's room. We even hung a clothesline in the back. All around a success!

improvement, yeah? ;)

It was another great day with my family, and I was sad to see them go.
To soften the slight sadness I had about bidding them off, I have this to look forward to:

she's here!!!!! i can't wait. i... can't... wait. (:

Yeah, my best friend is moving back to Ohio, and she's in town doing prep work for it for the next few days. Exciiiiiiiiiiited!!

The last thing I had to share for today: The pictures of the meatballs [aka Sasha & Stella] that Rob sent me. I really miss them both, in all of their rowdiness. Stella still looks like a bat on steroids and Sasha, well... Sasha's still Sasha. Haha. There isn't much to say there, but either way, it was great to see pics of the pups (: 

meatballs! [miss them....]

Good night, blogbots. I hope you had a great weekend... here's to a great WEEK ahead!

xo | cmd

My Family.

Sydni and I ended up crashing at Becky's last night while we were waiting on our laundry to finish up [still working on deciding what kind of plug-to-wall adaptation we're going with for the dryer at our house], so this morning we were up early, laundry folded and out the door. Back at home, we tidied up some and relaxed until Nana & Pappy [aka, my parents] arrived.

Mid morning, the knock at the door came, and I hugged my parents for the first time in six months. It was awesome. Mom of course came bearing an entire cooler of food for a picnic, so after the mini tour of the new digs and a breather from the drive, we loaded up and headed for Eden Park for a picnic and an open agenda.

It was the perfect day for a picnic. We made it up the hill to EP and found a great shady spot under a tree for lunch. Sydni got some bubbles from Nana & Pappy, so we took our time playing on the overlook, blowing bubbles, and later playing in the miniature waterfall at the duck pond.

Picture tiiiiiime (:

mini in the park!

dad ♥

mom. syd. me (:

 

syd & the greatest man to ever be there for her.. pappy!

we found some wildlife (:

i love this picture.. | syd with nana & pappy

After our romp in the park, we decided to walk down the hill to the Krohn Conservatory for the annual butterfly exhibit. This is one of the gems of Cincinnati that's fun every couple of years to see. My first time was back in 2008 with Catie, and today was much like that, just with many more butterflies than I remember. The signs indicated 12,000 butterflies. That's a lot of butterflies. Sydni spent nearly half an hour trying to catch a butterfly on the little card they hand out, one landed on her head and sent her screaming. Too funny.

butterflies everywhere!

another waterfall...

another great picture w/ nana & pappy

my. love.

We decided that was enough fun for one day, so we headed back to the house and got Sydni settled in for a nap. A long nap. That gave me a chance to talk to my parents. Actually talk... to my parents. It's been a very rocky road, this whole "transition," as we'll call it, and since most of it was done over the course of moving from two states away, there was very limited availability of having a face-to-face with my parents. Talk about overdue.

couldn't have said it better. 

I can't begin to explain how grateful I am for what happened today; I'll admit my nerves were in defense mode and I was uneasy about approaching the subject of my moving on, in specific regards to my relationship. Fortunately, before the whole weekend started, Rob reminded me that everything would be okay, and reminded me to be open. It's no secret that I'm about as good at verbalizing my heart as I am at operating on one, so it was with caution but deliberate focus that I let piece by piece of myself unfold to my parents. Honestly, candidly, and unabashadly. It was liberating. I'd underestimated their response, more specifically their genuine support. Rob was right; everything is okay.
Once the monster was up and stirring from her nap, we squeezed in a bike ride before dinner. Dad ran out to grab a few things and Mom and I finished up the end of our conversation, in a mother-daughter heart-to-heart. Did I mention how grateful I am for my family?

biking with nana!

And then....
Dinner at Main Street Cafe!

dinner fun with nana & pappy ♥

We really didn't waste any time finding our groove, and although it's only 9:30, we're all pretty spent. We're settled on the couch watching a movie with Sydni, and I couldn't ask for a better moment with my family.

See you tomorrow (:

xo | cmd

Hello, SUMMER, Hello PADDLEFEST! ☼

Welpppp....

hello, summerrrrrr!!!

It's the first day of Summer 2013 and I have a feeling it's going to be an AWESOME one. Probably the best yet, if I had to guess ;)

The first order of business to start the summer off came as a surprise, when Dave came back from some of his appointments and told Elisa and me that we could leave a half hour early. We didn't expect that, but can't say we're complaining. I headed straight to Milford and picked Sydni up, and we raced home to change, grab some laundry, and head back over to Northside to rendezvous with Becky and Mike.

From there, it was off to Paddlefest/Pedalfest 2013. Coney Island it was!

And as usual, since I'm just so great at explaining how much fun things are [yeah, riiiight], I made sure to take enough pictures to do the talking. With some help from Mike, I think we got the night captured pretty well.

Yaaaa see? :

beautiful things to buy.... everywhere.... *c'mon, self control!*

the revolution of pop-up camping

maybe in a couple of years, syd ;)

the new.. and the classics

river!!

hangin' in the ohio... and not mutating...

me & my girl | miss becky & syd | mr. mike showing how to water gun fight ;)

two of the greatest friends i could've ever imagined.

Goooood times (: Summer is officially here! My parents come in town tomorrow; it'll be the first time I've seen them in just about six months... this is long overdue. It'll be great to have them at my new place, and just to see them. Six months is a long time without your family.

beautiful sunset (:

Happy weekend, friends!

xo | cmd

Toddler Songs: A Video Post

Continued List of Things I LOVE:

Sydni singing.
Along with the alphabet, twinkle twinkle little star, "you are my sunshine," and random renditions of happy birthday[?], she sometimes comes out with entirely new material. These are my favorites, since most of them are just her putting a tune behind whatever she's thinking.

And, if you've ever been a parent to a 3-year-old, you know quite well that those thoughts are ... the best. Haha. Today, she saw a picture of "Mister Rob" and myself, and told me she wanted to sing him a song. She grabbed the laminated guitar chord reference chart off the table and jumped right in... to this. (:

 



Speaking of funny toddler things... I found these gems on YouTube, and I just have to share. [*These are not my property, but....] They are hilarious. Enjoy (:


And another... This one made me laugh if for no other reason than the line, "Ok, but maybe just I can have one more..." It's totally toddler lingo and it's adorable [when they're 3, mind you].


And lastly, a newer one they posted, which I found particularly funny because it puts a new perspective on how, as a parent, there is literally NO question that is off limits. Looking back on just the past 3.5 years with Sydni, I just realized how many questions I've shamelessly asked... in public... out loud. Hahaha.


There ya have it. I'm as happy as can be here on the couch with my little songbird, giving long distance dedications and laughing along with other parents who've manifested their talents into exposing the humor behind communicating with mini's.

P.S. - Tomorrow is FRIDAY!
P.P.S. - My parents are coming to visit this weekend. I... am... super stoked! 

*Yawn.. I'm out.

xo | cmd

BONUS POST :: CATIE'S ENGAGED!!!

I woke up today feeling immediately dull, knowing that it is the birthday of a friend I'll never see again. I cried early in the day, thinking about what my family would do in my absence or if I was one of the ones left to pick up the pieces if they were gone. My heart goes out to the Fogle family, today, and I hope there is peace for you.

NOT that it removes or lessens the pain of missing an old friend, but I did get the news this morning that yesterday... at Washington Park...


*SQUEAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Catie and Andy got ENGAGED!!!!!!

..... I can't even stand it right now. I'm beyond excited for my little ginger! Haha. Seriously though, I don't know too many people like these, and I am.... THOROUGHLY thrilled for them both.


adore. adore. adore.

Good grief, I can't freakin' wait for the celebration.. for the wedding.. for everything. I can't.. freakin'.. wait.

Congratulations to two of the most wonderfuls ever! LOVE YOU BOTH!!!

xo | cmd