This whole
journey on which I've been for the past year or so now is starting to come full circle. I looked back on some of the entries I wrote towards the middle to end of last year and saw myself then: scared, angry, confused, hurt, in denial, broken..... but more importantly unsure anymore of who I was, doubting my own worth and ability because of it all. I had crumbled, and was starting to pick up the pieces and put them back together. I knew I had a long road ahead of me, with some pretty daunting tasks to accomplish in a short amount of time.
My sister told me in a conversation the other day that through it all, she'd been angry with me: angry for me shutting down, for me not going to her or our parents when we both knew I needed them, but mainly... because she saw me giving up who
I was, standing down instead of standing up for myself, and letting someone else dictate
my life in a way that was unhealthy from the start. I had become a person that anyone from "pre-2008" would've scoffed at; they wouldn't have believed it was me if I'd told them. I was numb, broken and bitter. I limited my company to a few select individuals, and shut the rest of the world off.
Not. Who. I. Am.
And then....
 |
| and this is who i am. we're getting back to that. |
I took a dive, head first, didn't drown, and although then I felt like I was alone, I knew deep down that I never was, and I never will be. Things slowly started working themselves into place, both with and against the grain of what I would've liked. I owe everything to some select people, without whom I honestly don't know what I would've done. Among the many who extended themselves to me in the process of getting back: Becky, Mike and Rob proved to be pillars I sincerely couldn't have gone without. I knew then, even in the phase of vagabond status I held for nearly a month, that wherever I landed, things would be okay.
Today marked the end of a weekend: as short as it was and as quickly as it passed, it was sort of the culminating point I'd subconsciously needed more than I could've imagined. My parents have been here for the past two days, and I quickly realized the power of falling back into the arms of family, and the impact that can have on the heart, even in just one weekend. My family is comprised of people who are not related by blood, and have had our battles together, but as I watched my parents leave today, I felt renewed by the entire experience, and I know without doubt that
YES, IT WILL BE OKAY.
To save you all from any more of my sappy rants, I'll give you some more menial things, like the fact that my college-esque living room took another step towards adulthood today! Haha. Really, though, Mom & I went out this morning while Dad spent time with Sydni. We hit up a few different stores for miscellaneous things before digging into the real mission: find curtains for the front room. They'd brought me two bamboo blinds from their house, and by the time it was all said and done, we'd found fashionable coverings for the front windows and for Sydni's room. We even hung a clothesline in the back. All around a success!
 |
| improvement, yeah? ;) |
It was another great day with my family, and I was sad to see them go.
To soften the slight sadness I had about bidding them off, I have
this to look forward to:
 |
| she's here!!!!! i can't wait. i... can't... wait. (: |
Yeah, my best friend is moving back to Ohio, and she's in town doing prep work for it for the next few days. Exciiiiiiiiiiited!!
The last thing I had to share for today: The pictures of the meatballs [aka Sasha & Stella] that Rob sent me. I really miss them both, in all of their rowdiness. Stella still looks like a bat on steroids and Sasha, well... Sasha's still Sasha. Haha. There isn't much to say there, but either way, it was great to see pics of the pups (:
 |
| meatballs! [miss them....] |
Good night, blogbots. I hope you had a great weekend... here's to a great WEEK ahead!
xo |
cmd
