I. Want. Holtman's... NOW.

I. AM. SO. CLOSE. 

via insta: @tessamaes

^ Boy, if that wasn't the cold hard truth today....

The coffee we made at work this morning was blacker than tar. Stronger too, I'm pretty sure. It's bad when I get a caffeine headache from being over-caffeinated. Holy cow. I was tired this morning, but then Nick rounded the corner with the press, planted it directly in front of me and simply said, "drink."

ya beaut! 

spilling it too, because i can't multi-task... 

^ I drank the coffee, and proceeded to do the things. And I was doing just fine until Nick again, came back for seconds:

holtman's. for real?! 

GAH! The universe knows that I am staring down the light at the end of this tunnel, and it wants me to fight a little harder for it. I mean, I didn't eat a donut today, if that's what you're wondering, but again - close, close call.

Things I've gained from this: Self-Control 

Things I've lost from this: Many a beautiful donut ;)

Oh, and of course we didn't go a full day, let alone a week, without having at least one installment of the "What IS she?" game:

I came back from having that conversation, and walked into both A) my coworkers having made me a sign for my office, and B) my friends mapping out the distance between point P and other point P:

lol.... 

*Sigh.

In other news, this chickadee finally lost another tooth today, which has been hanging on far past what we expected it to.

such a ham! 

All in all, not a bad Monday. Two more full days of W30 and it's over, and four more days until the weekend again. What's not to love about that?!

Happy Monday, blogbots! ♥

xo | cms

14.5 On A Sunday

If you're as lucky as I am, then your morning starts out with rehearsals that are both productive.. and fun. And did I mention we are thrilled to have Holby back?! Seriously, it wasn't the same without him. Obviously: 

Speaking of Holby, we love that Chad also tasked him with announcements this morning. As you can see, Chad handled it rather well:

when chad starts second-guessing his recent decisions ;) 

I've said it before and I'll say it a hundred times more, this group is one of the best there is, and I'm so, so stoked that I get to share life with them.

I was also pretty pumped that today was so gorgeous! We did lunch with the Ricks after church and then headed home to veg out for a couple hours before strapping up the bikes for a quick ride at Lunken.

ready, set.... go!

done and done and my quads were so mad... ;) 

It's January and the path was full of people - I couldn't have asked for more! My poor legs might beg to differ, but it felt good to switch up the cardio and give my quads a little something to complain about later (aka tomorrow). 

We made it back just in time to grab dinner and rendezvous at the Ricks' house for the quarterly budget meeting, then back home to wrap up the night. Oh, and Jess - now that golden milk is a staple in my house, you're welcome to come by any time and steal some ;)

things of a sunday night

Kind of a hodge podge day, but that's what keeps it interesting, right? 

Tomorrow's a brand new work week, and I'm ready. Are you? 

xo | cms

Ugh, Accountability

I am on the homestretch of the Whole30!
This is officially my last dedicated weekend to the program, and for the first time since I started that I woke up and reaaaally wanted actual pancakes. With blueberries and syrup. And actual butter. It was a tough sell not giving in, but I'm not about to screw this up now.

SO INSTEAD, I hauled myself out of bed and straight to the gym. And from there, out to the store to pick up the pillows I needed to finish up the guest bedroom. I mean, what's a good alternative to shoveling your face with food you can't eat? Answer: HIIT bicep & tricep circuits, followed by throwing money into the first level of domestic hell: decorating.

I managed to haul myself and eight pillows ranging from king-sized to euro, from the mall to the car, and then home, where I was greeted by the task of climbing up on the roof to take the Christmas lights down. Yes, we're those people with lights up at the end of January, shush. 

So I did the domestic thing (I'll post pics later, bc I'm over it currently). And then... I napped.
More like, I sought out the nearest coma and nose-dove face first into it, clad in sweats, a robe and freshly-showered hair that morphed into a petrified cloud as I slept. Let me also be clear here, that my pre-nap lunch of turkey hash... and the post-lunch snack of a Lara Bar did very little to satisfy the craving I had just before that for an actual chicken quesadilla, 13 donuts and a bowl of sticky rice. I am not kidding - although reticent, but meh -  when I say that the degree of food-want I experienced today could potentially have rivaled the weird collabo of stuff I demanded when I was actually pregnant.

>> I'm not pregnant, btw. <<

I woke up to Jessica on her way, which was probably the saving thread between me and the annihilation of what progress I've made this month on W30. I threw on the lowest-qualifying version of presentable and made a quick run to the store for just the essentials: cauliflower, pineapple, sweet potatoes, turmeric, ground turkey and lemons (again, I know...). I made it back, made dinner and even had some help with the golden milk at the end.


Good grief. I'm finally not hungry at this exact moment but for the first time this month, that was a close, close call.....

Stay tuned for a couple more days, and I'll have a full line of feedback for you on this Whole30 thing, AND I promise that it's not nearly as ridiculous as it sounds from this singular post. I've joked plenty in this entry, but the reality is that I most definitely endorse W30 and am quite happy with what it's done for me in just these few weeks. That'll be its own entry for another day - maybe Wednesday or Thursday next week.

Bottom line - if you're out there doing the January Whole30, HANG IN THERE! We've almost got this, and just have a few more days. We. Can. DO IT! :)

..... And with that in mind, I'm out, before I change my mind and eat more food ;)
G'Nite!

xo | cms

Faaariiiiidayyyy

I woke up to this gem:

who messes up the ymca? we do. 

I can't tell ya'll how excited I am for Mare & Derrick's wedding, and the dancing that shall ensue when Becky and I get to hit the floor in celebration. A few of my favorite people are getting married this year, so don't worry - plenty of opps to catch us cuttin' up rugs ;). 

In other news, today was gorgeous! 

sunshine = happy people!

^ Okay, while that's not always the absolute equation, it happened to be true today. We've spent so many days gridlocked in a pattern of clouds and sleet and rain and more clouds and just gray gray grayyyyyy... when the sun came out today and the air didn't feel like freezing needles, the universal affect it had was an improved mood both in and out of the office. 

Aaaaaand.. Timehop gave me a flashback to something I'd flashbacked five years ago (do the math, this picture is obviously older than 5yrs), but I love it just the same now as I did then, so it bears sharing: 

more than 5 years ago, but still today! 

To celebrate the weekend, I promised Syd a mama-mini date, so the two of us headed off after work for a fun night of Funko shopping, decorating and dinner. I am one lucky girl to have this kiddo in tow. She's my favorite little ham... 

We headed home and knocked out the spare bedroom, which previously had been used for Sydni making sheet forts and chasing the dogs around: 

before & after
(look how adulty!)

^ You guys, I'm doing domestic things like using matching bedsets and eating meals in actual compliance with the Whole30. 

Please send help. ;) 

Or at least give me the weekend. I'll take that, for now ♥

TGIF! 

xo | cms

To Easton We Go!

Dear Future Self: 

It's late in the evening, and I'm still smiling as I think of the day we just had. It wasn't anything huge, but it was everything to have had it, anyway. I hope that on a dark day somewhere down the road, you'll look back at today, in all its simple perfection, and remember how much love you felt today. 

Love, 

Your Present Self. 

**********************************

My mom's birthday was last Sunday, but since we can't be in six places at once, I wished her happy birthday over the phone. We decided mid-week that the weather would be just fine for us to meet up for lunch in Easton, which is just barely an hour drive for them. 

Oh, and in case you haven't been in Columbus in the past 15 years, the answer is yes, we are STILL under construction. 

I'd forgotten how ridiculous parking at Easton is on a Saturday, but we finally made it to the restaurant to meet up with Mom.  

could she be any more adorable?!

happy birthday, mom!

Since we were at Brio, Sydni got to have some fun of her own: 

And entertainment: 

^ I can't handle this girl ;) 

Anyway, more fun from mom's birthday lunch and trek around Easton: 

3 generations ;) 

gosh, these two... 

hahahaha

dad!

i may be partial, but i'm sure my mom is the cutest! 

so. much. love.

After lunch and a quick stroll around Easton, Sydni and I headed another 15 minutes north to stop in and say hi to Maricor.. 

cousin time! 

We're back home now, and with another good Whole30 dinner under my belt, I think this was a pretty good way to wind down the day. A friend of mine just got tattoo #1 tonight, so now I'll be on Pinterest for the next definitely-unhealthy-length-of-time digging around mandala elbow pieces.. because I'm the type of addict who can't bear hearing about it without also going to get one.. haha. 

All ideas welcomed. For now, as Iliza puts it, "PINPINPINPINPINPIN"

Happy Saturday, blogbots.

xo | cms

For Dreamers

I saw this one today and I couldn't help but to share it:

#repost || ig: @rescueher

It's so fitting that we celebrate his life in the month of January. It's a reminder of what we have, and what we can have, if we can just see beyond the distractions that pull us away from what we have an unbelievable capacity to do: LOVE EACH OTHER. 

Building an 'I AM' statement for 2018 should be a living, breathing document, that gets check marks and addendums throughout the entire year. One of the first things I added to that list for my 2018 was to just... love more. To love others, the way I in turn hope to be loved. To love my tribe the best and most intentional way I can. To love those who are hard for me to like, let alone love. To love myself, even when I fail miserably at meeting my own expectations. 

And to relentlessly love & pursue the company of new people who embody the values and passions I want for my own life. To find those who push me to be a better version of me, so that when I love others, it's because I know what I am and how to love myself. 

That's what he did. And that's why I'm celebrating him today. This year especially, since it happens to fall exactly on his birthday: Happy birthday, Rev. Dr. King. You have inspired generations and beyond. 

powerful.

I'm in love with that piece. If you'd like to read more about the artist behind it (Watson Mere), CLICK HERE. I don't care who you voted for, or what your political beliefs are, there is no way you can deny that we've had to defend the current leadership in ways we shouldn't have to, and for me, this speaks VOLUMES to that. I'll leave it at that. 

Happy MLK Day, loves. Have a great week!

xo | cms

Buon Compleanno, Mamma!

IT'S MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY! 

look at that hair! ;) 

I'm not the kid that can say she and her mom have always been best friends. We fought a lot in my formative years, but here's the deal: she didn't then, hasn't since and I'm fairly certain never will not have my back. She's fought for me every day of my life, even before I was born (because yenno, adoption). She made sacrifices I can't imagine making, to be sure that the child she chose - not birthed - would have a well-rounded life. She invested in me with everything she had, and even though we can agree now that the good intentions didn't always hit their mark, they were there. Even when I felt most alone growing up, she was there. She is always, always there.

I wanted to say some things about her - my mom. 

The first of those things is this: My mom is  not the perfect mom. She never has been. She won't ever be. HOWEVER, the fact remains that she started that journey almost an entire year after her child was born. If you're anything other than blind, you've understood that I'm adopted; by definition alone that means that I am not her biological-born, and so the choices she made on my behalf were, in my eyes, just that much more intentional. She had none of it figured out when I got here. She didn't have to. My mom is the type of person who shines even brighter after moments of failure or mistake. I've never met anyone who so thoroughly uses a setback as an opportunity to do and be better on the next chance. That's been a hallmark of her personality for as long as I've known her, and from what I hear from my family, long before that. 

Another thing: My mom is the epitomy of the finite balance between endless positivity and an almost annoying air caution. I don't know how she achieves both so fully. She chooses to find the light in everything, even if that light is a buried underdog in the battle. In the same breath, she's warning me to check my fruits and vegetables for pesticides and not to use toxic chemicals when I clean the areas my pets and family might use. She has an unwavering smile through it all, as though the sun being out in the sky is the best thing since the sun existing in the first place. 

And then.. she's been the logistics coordinator and structural brain of our family for years, and is still somehow hilariously and adorably aloof. 2017 was the year she and my dad finally emerged from the leashes of FLIP PHONES, and went straight to smart phones. I now get to hear her say things like, "Oh, I just love the Google." 

Us too, Mom. Us too. 

If ever there was a non-celebrity human being who invested herself into the well-being of others around her before herself, it's my mom. She's a professional samaritan, which by proxy is likely one of the biggest contributors to her endless supply of joy. Oh, and if you've known my mom for more than 5 minutes, you'll know that that compassion is distributed in this order: Animals, Family, Food (aka, for everyone else). Those legends you hear about animal activists in the 70's with clipboard petitions to save caged pigeons are not just tall tales. That was her, in all her Farrah hair and bell-bottom prime. She channeled that into 20+years as the president of our hometown humane society, and has every ounce of credit for surrounding me with vets, trainers and breed advocates who taught me the fundamentals of animal well-being. I assisted in my first hands-on feline spaying surgery when I was 9, and was pulling rounds of deer ticks off stray dogs for multiple-hour sessions in my garage by the age of 11. I could recite the foster-to-adopt program by heart before I finished middle school, and it's because my mom was (is!) so passionate about any creature - 2 or 4+ legged, who don't have their own voice. 

Lastly (for purposes of this blog, but certainly not lastly in general), my mom is HAPPY. She is happy with the life she's built, with what she's lost and what she's gained. The joy that is in her eyes isn't fake. It's not forced. It's there because she obliged her passion for adventure and loving others. For being a part of a community, a family, a business, or an excursion. She's happy because the things she's poured herself into were not always rewarding, but then when they were, it was tenfold. She is happy because she has surrounded herself with people who share her beliefs and her passions, and who continue to encourage and keep her accountable to her goals. And she's happy because she still has goals. My mom is genuinely happy with her life and what it has given and continues to give her. Our running joke is that she'll be the one still riding her bike 13 miles a day at 212 years old, when we're long gone. I mean, it's unlikely, but we'll see ;). 

Mom, you deserve every bit of love and light today. I love you to the moon & back.

Happy Birthday ♥

xo  | cms

Winter Road Trip

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so bold when it came to driving through weather patterns.
But then again, I don't wish that, because I live in the mid-west. If I were squeemish, I'd never see anyone in the winter months. :p

So it's Cincinnati, and that means when we call for Snowmageddon like we did today, we will either get it, or get like, light rain for a couple hours and then 60degree temps the following day. We're hot and cold here.. literally.

We were all captivated today by the fact that as we left our houses for work between 6-7am, it was nearly 60degrees. By noon it was 12. By 3pm, freezing rain was making all the windshields gross in the parking lot, and by the time we left the office, everything was just a big ice cube with population topography.

Thanks, Nick, for taking the initiative to scrape all our windshields! :)

nick, easily the most dedicated in the office

This is the drive home at 5pm, versus an hour and a half later when we were back on the road heading to Illinois:

welp.

Again, it would be nice if somehow my brain would register that maybe, just maybe.. some ideas aren't great. But then again, my brain also works under the pretense - correct in this case - that it would eventually quit being crap weather and the drive would be fine... which eventually, it was, but not before it was complete crap and a freeway free-for-all for two hours:

Whatevs. It's super late, we made it to Kenny & Taryn's, and I'm gonna have to catch back up in the morning - I'm toast.

Stay safe, midwesters. It's nasty out there. ♥
TGIF!

xo | cms

Almost Friday!

Today was one of those days that I just couldn't get a handle on. Not sure why, really.. it was just one of  those days. I wrote this down in the middle of my to-do list and then wrote everything else around it, so I would have something to re-center me: 

Fortunately, by the end of the day, the bad mood had dissipated and I was off to get Sydni before life group. And no matter what kind of mood I'm in, that girl has the wizardry to make all things good again ♥

this little monster! ♥♥♥

We were off to life group, which, as always was fulfilling on all those levels that being with your family tend to be - these people are after all, family. Oh, and I've decided Parker is now the mascot of said life group: 

parker!

We wrapped up life group and headed home, where some meal prep awaited.. I say meal prep, but really it was just a super late dinner for me; this Whole30 thing has trained me not to eat all the amazing food that people like my bosses or friends make for things like parties and life groups... (Grrrrr). BUT, it's worth it at the end, and now there's lunch for tomorrow, so no real complaints.

life. 

OH! Also, a week from tonight, I'll be in Columbus with Jenn to see Rebelution - we've planned this show since Halloween, and I. Can't. Wait. 

1.18.18!

jenn | miss this girl! 

For now, it's off to read some more of this book and hit the hay. 

Almost Friday, loves! 

xo | cms

"Thanks?" : The PSA.

I'm just gonna leave this here, with the hopes that if you have any questions about why this isn't okay, you'll ask someone to explain it to you.

Also, word of the day: Inept.


We're halfway there, guys. Happy Wednesday ♥

xo | cms

FixSkin: Keloid Treatment Update

Confession: I stopped using this stuff consistently for about 2-3 weeks, and I really wish I hadn't. Bad lapse in my self-discipline, but we'll lead with that and I'll tell you what it is I'm talking about:

I have keloids. It's not life-threatening, so don't worry (if you were), and they're not contagious, either (just so ya know). Keloids by medical definition are the result of my body over-producing granulation tissue and collagen. To me, that means my body is an outta-control super-healer that has no concept of moderation.

But seriously. Keloids aren't fun. I'm one of what I'm finding to be a larger-than-expected number of people who "suffer" from them. I put that in quotes because I wouldn't dare say suffer in the same context as someone whose ailment is literally life-threatening. This isn't one of those things, and I won't pretend it is, at least not for me. Every case is different. Fortunately, mine have been somewhat limited and if I'm intentional about controlling them, I can.

SO this is (was) me:

"was," meaning this was me in october 2017
"is," meaning i'm still here ;)

october 2017

My keloids are contained mostly to the upper region of my chest and shoulders. Depending on how many keloids you've seen or had, these may look bad or they might look like no big deal. Having lived with them, I'll tell you that those are both accurate. A couple of them hurt. It's not unusual for them to itch, or feel like pin pricks (usually at convenient times like 3am). I've been through a number of treatment options in the last 16+ years, and only a handful of them worked - minimally, at that. In that time, I've been teased, stared at.. and believe it or not, have had more than a few encounters with random people who think it okay to just touch one while asking, "what is that?" (I know....). My point? I've had these suckers for my entire late adolescent and adult life. It's uncomfortable, on several levels: physically, mentally, socially at times... still.

I made a new friend through the power of online community (in a scar forum, specifically), who recommended I check out FixSkin.

FixSkin is a naturopathic product that uses essential oils to their full potential by combining them against the bacteria that spurs keloid growth. I was skeptical about this at first, but it was $60 that I would've just spent on something else, so I figured I didn't have too much to lose. I ordered online, they delivered, and there we were:

they come as a pair

The bottle on the left is the toner. This goes on first; it opens the pores and primes the area for the serum to do its work. I found that after a few uses, I could feel the toner immediately after putting it on. It's not the most pleasant sensation, but it's far from unbearable.

The serum then goes on after that. The instructions tell you to use your fingers for application; I opt for Qtips but whatever works. For the first month, I was really good about 2x daily, without question or miss. I noticed a huge difference within just the first few weeks. Look, I'm not paid to say this stuff, but I will tell you that it works.

I got away from it during November and December; I did a lot of traveling, wasn't diligent about using it twice a day, and on a couple of getaways forgot to take the stuff with me all together. Right around Christmas, I got back on track, and I've been doing both steps regularly, twice a day.

Week 1: This scar was very solid, hard to the touch and sensitive. This particular one is just smaller than a dime. 

Week 3: I noticed a subtle difference in the area around the scar. The edges started blurring and seemed to be pushing inward, meaning that the bulk of the scar is (slowly) dissolving. 

January 2018: I took these today. The lighting was a little different today, but I can tell a noticeable difference in the shape, size and protrusion. It's hard to capture the dimensional view of these scars, but this one is flattening, as well as fading, bit by bit. 

^ Ok. So this one at first glance is a little harder to gauge, but I posted it to highlight the fact that this stuff works, as long as you USE it, and don't otherwise mess with your scars. 

Week 1: Solid, very raised, sore. 

Week 3: flattened a surprising amount. 

January 2018: I'll be the first to say it looks like week 3 should've come after today's picture, in terms of progress.. maybe it's just me but it looks that way in the picture. However, today's picture came after a day of messing with the scar, throughout a stressful day at work (which also doesn't help). It is a little inflamed in today's picture. But again, it has been consistently flattening, with the edges blurring more and more. The bottom scar is barely visible most days, compared to the one above it. I'll try and update another day of this one, to show the true progress. 

I also post that to remind anyone out there dealing with keloid treatment that there will be plenty of days that might make it seem like your regimen isn't working. Be patient, and make sure you're also making any necessary adjustments to your diet to go along with the topical treatments. It's taken much experimentation on my end over the years, and I am always open to suggestions. 

For now, I'm thankful for what progress I do have, and hopefully I'll have even better news in a few months. 

Hang in there, Keloid Kids. You're beautiful. 

xo | cms