14.5 On A Sunday

If you're as lucky as I am, then your morning starts out with rehearsals that are both productive.. and fun. And did I mention we are thrilled to have Holby back?! Seriously, it wasn't the same without him. Obviously: 

Speaking of Holby, we love that Chad also tasked him with announcements this morning. As you can see, Chad handled it rather well:

when chad starts second-guessing his recent decisions ;) 

I've said it before and I'll say it a hundred times more, this group is one of the best there is, and I'm so, so stoked that I get to share life with them.

I was also pretty pumped that today was so gorgeous! We did lunch with the Ricks after church and then headed home to veg out for a couple hours before strapping up the bikes for a quick ride at Lunken.

ready, set.... go!

done and done and my quads were so mad... ;) 

It's January and the path was full of people - I couldn't have asked for more! My poor legs might beg to differ, but it felt good to switch up the cardio and give my quads a little something to complain about later (aka tomorrow). 

We made it back just in time to grab dinner and rendezvous at the Ricks' house for the quarterly budget meeting, then back home to wrap up the night. Oh, and Jess - now that golden milk is a staple in my house, you're welcome to come by any time and steal some ;)

things of a sunday night

Kind of a hodge podge day, but that's what keeps it interesting, right? 

Tomorrow's a brand new work week, and I'm ready. Are you? 

xo | cms

Letting Go of ME (A 2017 Archive)

Happy Monday TUESDAY, blogbots!

I started rummaging through old unpublished entries on here last night, and I came across this one, about Panama. I thought I'd go for it, since I haven’t yet and it’s been nearly six full months since we got back from the 2017 trip. In the midst of all the other stuff I never got around to documenting, this too fell by the wayside, and that’s not okay.

One of the things that hit me as I was looking back through the first couple days of pictures from the 2017 trip, is how much I really took for granted this time around. Even two months later, some of the finite details had just then registered with me. This, just as any other missions trip, could have gone way worse. Could’ve had serious logistic hurdles. Could’ve, for all we knew, been a complete disaster. But it wasn’t. I’m looking back six months and feeling for the first time, a real gratitude for how that trip turned out.

I’ve been to Panama twice now, and am more cognizant of how those two trips varied:

2015: Rewind almost three(ish) years ago, to when I stepped off my front porch at 3am with my hiking pack and loaded into the van with Chris, Aaron, Marissa and Quinn, for my first Panamanian trip. I was nervous – not in an overwhelming way, but in a way that made me hyper-aware of committing every last detail to memory. I had no idea what to expect. My team, as far as I was concerned at that point, consisted of the people in that van. A confession I’ll make now is that while we sat by the gates at CVG, I penned an open letter to nobody in particular, just in case something were to happen.

That was the state of my heart as I boarded the first plane to New Jersey. That was my focus. I’d completely lost sight in that moment of why I was there in the first place. I got on the plane and cried. We were less than two total hours into the trip and I was already a mess – nerves compounded with disappointment in myself for allowing the doubt to creep in. And then I prayed. For the remainder of that first leg, I prayed. I praised. I made a mental list of and thanked God for each person on the team, in the seats beside me. For our church family who’d backed us. For the missionaries who would be responsible for us while we were there. For our families back home, who would be doing life per usual for the week that we were gone.

equipo ♥♥
suiche, panama | ngobe reservation | 2015

And then I prayed that He would, if nothing else on that trip, help me to live in the moment.
And that is exactly what happened. I spent a week tucked into the side of a remote Ngobe village serving the most incredible families, to whom I am eternally indebted for what they taught me about myself in the process. I came home with an entire journal filled with memories. With moments. With names of new lifelong friends, and places and feelings and descriptions. With notes for my future self. Ways I’d been challenged, and truths I’d realized. I came home and re-lived that trip for months. The foundation had been laid in my heart for Panama, for MG3, for the Vega family, for the Ngobe people. I knew I would be back.

suiche, panama | ngobe reservation | 2015

And I’d only arrived at that place because I finally let go of me, and let God move.

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline."
- 2 Timothy 1:7

 

*****************

MAY/JUNE 2017: Forward to 2017’s trip. Chris had made attempts in 2016 to form a team, but for reasons I’ll never know, it didn’t happen. We accepted that, and started praying for whatever 2017 might hold. It was February when the plans were finally announced for Lightpoint to be sending its inaugural team of missionaries out of the country. We were to be that team. We barely became a full team; a few who expressed initial interest ended up unable to commit, at least for this year. I prayed and again propositioned Marianne, who’d been unable to go in 2016, in hopes that maybe.. just maybe.. this year would work.

And she WAS. And so was her boyfriend, Derrek. And so we became a team of four: Chris, Mare, Derrek and myself. Chris had orchestrated with Todd, a pastor from Crosspoint Church in Cleveland, for the four of us to rendezvous with his team before we got to Panama. We accepted that at face value, and took diligently then to our weekly FaceTime conference calls, where Chris was able to connect with Mare & Derrek and lead us as a team to prepare for Panama 2017.

Approaching the 2017 trip, I was confident of an exponentially higher number of things than I’d been in 2015. Marianne is my best friend, Derrek is her boyfriend, and I’ve had two more years to really get to know Chris and his family. Our international team consisted of people that were no longer strangers to me, and I felt at peace knowing that all the new faces of this expedition would still come with the familiar.

We flew from Cincinnati to Atlanta on the first morning out, and met there with Todd's team, which was a compilation of members from Crosspoint in Cleveland, and then two other couples from Todd's hometown church in Benton, AR (Holland Chapel). Together we had managed to rally 3 churches and 3 different states' worth of teammates, combining for the first time in the Atlanta airport just hours before we were to embark on a pack-only hike into one of the most remote areas of another country.

Now's not the time for Trust Issues. 

We touched down in Panama and seemed as though we didn't stop moving until we got back off the plane seven days later back in Cincinnati. Already a much different pace than 2015. Remembering what I'd eaten 2 hours in the past was a task, let alone compartmentalizing each of the days, and what they stood to represent. For all I can say, this trip was a blur. In a good way, but a blur no less.

team vermoncinnati ;) - chris, cori, derrek, mare
en route to balsa/algorrobo, panama | ngobe reservation | 2017

To nobody's surprise, I took literally a couple thousand pictures, but I'll admit that I am really seeing some of these pictures for the first time, even now. I'm recalling the hours we spent dragging our bags off the bus and stuffing them back on again. Of how we all adjusted to our surroundings, and became wholly reliant on translators to speak in Ngabe on our behalf. How we trusted each other without question, and set foot onto the mountains for hours of hiking into a village.

Letting go of myself on a trip like this is not an option. The difference in how I had to let myself go on this year's Panama adventure was equal yet nearly opposite the way I had to before.

It's something I struggle with obviously on the missions field, but absolutely and frequently off that map, too. And if there was ever a weekday built to test my resolve, it's a Monday, dressed up as TUESDAY. Today really didn't prove to be one of those days, I guess, but I know they're very real, and that separating myself from the voices of control, inadequacy and guilt that I am often prone to hearing is often harder done than said.

2017 equipo : ngabe, esp, eeu
balsa/algorrobo, panama | ngobe reservation outset | 2017

I'm posting this now, because as I set the stage for my 2018, it includes reflecting on a prompt I'd obviously had one day halfway through 2017. I don't know why I didn't post this in its entirety originally (when I first wrote it, in July 2017), but I'm posting now to give myself something to look back on even a week from now, when I'm not feeling particularly sentimental about this the way I am today. I have no idea what 2018 holds, what the Panama trip will look like this year, and although I'm not wired to trust easily, I know there are bigger plans in motion than my doubt. It's a tough pill to swallow, but that's a part of the journey that's just as crucial as being along for the ride. My only real wish, believe it or not, is to be pushed so far out of my comfort zone on the next trip that I have no choice but to stare down whatever two options there are, knowing both will catalyze me in a permanent, hopefully positive way.

With all of that being said, any and all prayers would be hugely appreciated as we work through orchestrating this year's trip. It will be a completely different trip, if I understand it correctly, but hey.. I'm in. :)

xo | cms

A BRONZE FRIYAY!

TGIF!

Today I walked into my office and was greeted by all of this, because my office collectively hit a new milestone of Bronze Circle. In my world (Express), that's a big deal, and is indicative of a team that puts in the dirty work. I am surrounded by some incredibly talented people, and we are blessed to have leaders who will go the distance just to say thank you.

happy friday!

And yes, we did. 

fruit and fizzy.. 

Really not a bad way to end the week, at all! I'm so proud to be a part of my team, and thankful every day lately that I'm back in a place where I can fully function, with a team that is right there with me. 

TGIF, ya'll. It's time for me to rest up; tomorrow is going to be a long day ;) 

xo | cms

PENTATONIX & US THE DUO!!!

This is definitely back dated, and I am definitely still geeked out. #notsorry

& 

When I found out that PTX was coming to Cincinnati, I lost all impulse control and immediately knew I was going to this show. I didn't care if I went alone; I WAS GOING. Fortunately, I didn't have to go alone, because Rob is awesome and knows full-well that they've been on my bucket list for years now. 

And then I found out that Us the Duo was opening for them... and if there'd been any doubt before [let's be clear, there wasn't], this was the surefire confirmation that I would be in that crowd. 

And so we bought tickets. And so we went... and this is the totally amateur photo+video [because no I will not be that person out there with an L lens resting on your-head-in-the-row-in-front-of-me's head to get the picture. 

I wrote an instructional, if you need it. Lalallaalalala, GO: 

First things first, you obviously go out and buy an item of clothing that you didn't see yourself ever wearing before. You do that impulsively, because you're impulsive, but in your defense just staying consistent. ;) And then, you take a bathroom selfie because you've also curled your hair, donned the fancy septum ring and in your head you've absofreakinlutely nailed the cut-in on that smirky right eyebrow [but did you? nobody knows, or cares]: 

ready! :) 

^ For the record, it's the floral jacket that I never thought I'd like, let alone own. But hey.. when in Rome Cincinnati... sure, whatever.

STEP TWO:
Get there, and get a head-to-toe capture of this outfit that still has you questioning which VH1 commercial dropped you off into it. You don't care, because you're at the PTX show. 

and the empty corbett pavilion.. whoa! 

♥ embrace that front facing camera... embrace it ♥

Drink boxed wine. You've never done that before, so do it at the show you've waited 9 years to see.
And eat the weird chip things, too. They're actually.. not bad? 

try. the. new. things.

See how long it takes you to run into someone you know. It didn't take me long at all this time around; Tim & Chris were just a couple rows behind us! 

hey guys! ♥

Next: After you're done with the preliminary formalities of concert-going [see aforementioned 'boxed wine' & 'friends,' also merch table perusing and consumption of overpriced event food], you get to take a bajillion photos and videos of the actual show. It'll look like you're having legitimate seizures through all the shaky video footage, because maybe you are or are not happy crying and barely keeping that phone focused. It's a steep price to both enjoy the show and capture your own footage to review later. 

PICTURES: 

us the duo!
michael & carissa 

ptx!
avi. kirstin. scott. mitch. kevin

♥♥♥♥♥

I realized mid-way through PTX opening that my regular camera has a lighting adjustment that worked far better than the IG camera.. womp womp. Better late than never, yeah?

pentatonix & us the duo | jolene

avi is leaving ptx and we literally all hate it. 

Recap: It's been a long, awesome day. 

a thorough progression of this day:
am, pre-show, showtime, post-show

Back to work tomorrow! I hope it's a wonderful week for all of you! 

xo | cms

Catching Up on 2017...

Well hello, old friend.

It's been exactly 4 months yesterday, since the last time I came here to scribble something - and if I remember correctly, it was something menial. Let me open this then with a bitter admission: I've accepted the fact that my days of blogging for the dual purpose of chronological time-mapping [for my future self] and flexing my penmanship.... are long gone.

Because not all change is bad, right?

I'm not sure where it came from, but I've felt a weird tug for the past couple of weeks that it was time to revisit this blog and just start writing. If there's anything I've learned about myself in the past 30+ years, it's to never ignore that tug. This morning, I didn't have one singular thing weighing on my mind, rather that weird cloud of all the things that just sort of hung around the outskirts of my thoughts. By the afternoon, smaller, focused thoughts, and by the time I left the gym tonight, I was floating in a mental pond of Cori.

.... what a wretched analogy, sorry.

So let's see. Since the end of March alone, the universe has taken full liberty of reminding me that what I have planned is a laughable rough draft of what I'll get. My agenda has very little to do with my life in realtime, other than positioning myself at a when-and-where.... and even that's iffy.

damanji. ♥ you, friend! 

For starters, immediately after my last entry, Damanji shipped off to Turkey for the next year[ish]. We dressed up as mannequins from a Gadzook's display and sent him off with a night of drinks, dancing and a blur of 90s-inspired plaid and Converse. Born from that were some new friendships [both a broccoli-hater AND a Liverpool fan made the ranks, I KNOW, it's been a weird year...], rehashing favorite old memories and accepting that Damanji won't be physically around to annoy and humor us for at least the next 11 months.

And then Angela moved to Boston.
And Nick to Croatia.
And Megan to Ecuador.
At least Becky came back from New Mexico, even if it's just for the Summer.

Speaking of Summer, I can't remember the last time one felt like such a blur.... of everything. 
Here's [more for my future recollection of and proof that I didn't zone wholly out for the duration of] Spring & Summer 2017, as they've transpired so far:

April: Damanji's 90's themed going away party was the perfect kickoff, complete with friends, libations and really loud bass speakers :).

ali. shawn. cori

♥♥

A few weeks later, Ali celebrated her birthday by spending it here in Cincinnati, and a small host of some other favorite friends moved away, varying from temporary to full scale relocation. At the barking protest of my pride, I resumed physical therapy after intentionally avoiding it for.... a while, and found that although I now have one of the best DNS wizards in this hemisphere, I still. hate. PT. Oh, and the Fountain in our driveway has been officially traded in for an Eliminator, because ya know, it's practical to own a Catamaran when you live in Ohio. 

matching tattoos.. because that is what we do...
happy birthday, ali!! ♥♥

May: I returned to Panama with Chris and a roster of 13 other people from Ohio, Vermont and Arkansas who rendezvoused in the Atlanta airport 24 hours before we embarked on a pack-hike into the remote mountains of Balsa, Panama for a week. Run on sentence, you're welcome. We spent that week constructing a physical church building, under the direction of a foreman whose approval of any given task could be determined only by whether or not he was shaking his head at you. A good exercise of trust building in a team setting - I've found - is to incorporate 3 languages, 3 countries and 3 separate U.S. states' worth of team members onto one construction site, provide them with gas generators, power tools and a living blueprint [aforementioned foreman], with the understanding that this structure will be mapped out and finished within four days. An OSHA rep would've been escorted off this site, likely by an ambulatory pack-mule, from the heart attack they would've suffered trying to document this project. BUT, for and by the Glory of God, it came together at the midnight hour, and I had the honor  of singing praise music next to one of my best friends [for the first time], in the first service ever held in the new Balsa church. Not a bad trip. In other May news leading up to Panama, Sydni finished 2nd grade, lost a tooth that same day, and we spent much of the month catching up with family and friends. 

our favorite 2nd 3rd grader!! 

climbing with kalyn & brian | red river gorge, ky

hang times with jennica | columbus & dayton, oh

family biking | loveland, oh

panama 2017

June: The Employee Month of the Year as the count should stand, derived from my entirely made-up metric system: Surprise Factor, Relief Induction, Joy Increasing and Overall Mental Health Appreciation. I returned from Panama with my usual post-missions acute awareness of just how much stuff we have, and talking myself off the ledge of donating everything but the clothes we need for the week. Fortunately, that tirade was lessened by a trip to Chicago for a book festival & Britta's birthday, followed by a long weekend at Norris Lake with some of our favorite friends from Illinois. Oh, and lest we forget that in between those two, I got myself kicked off a sinking ship by the tempest itself, and found myself onboard a 5-star ocean liner the next week. Yeah, I know it was a crap analogy, but it was a crap situation that did a cartwheel and ended up better than ever, so whevs. Life on the professional front did a full reset, which forced me to realize how poorly I'd been just existing before everything changed. Another one of my best friends wound up here in Cincinnati for her birthday, which we celebrated in true Mare & Cori fashion: a soccer game, a piercing session, food, laughing, coffee... and more coffee.

britta boooo's birthday!! ♥ | chicago, il 

norris lake 2017 | norris lake, tn
cori. jess. taryn. liz. rob. matt. kenny. jesse.

♥ happy birthday, mare!! | cincinnati, oh

work fam :)
jess. stef. cori. chris. [missing deb]. tonya. rami. kelley. nick. ashley. brandi

nick & rami! ♥
[taken 7.13.17 ;) ]

July: I fully immersed myself back into my old-but-new job, realizing to no small amount of surprise least once every couple years. I've just accepted this as who I am at this point - perpetually scattered :).
just how neglectful I had been of my inner well-being where my professional life was concerned. Rob's birthday came around, which put us in Illinois for a weekend bash with some of our favorites. It happened to be the same week that Nick & Rami (two of my coworkers) had their wedding! Sydni and her friend Mattie had their first weekend sleepover here at the house, and I managed somehow to lose my entire wallet somewhere between the grocery checkout and my house. Don't worry guys, this is like an annual thing for me at point. Fortunately, everything was handled quickly, and with the exception of an MIA Kate Spade, all is well. OH, and July was the month we really kicked it into gear with the FC games. Now that Cincinnati has its own USL (we're aiming for MLS) team, we now have something to do every random night of the week and weekend ;).

2017 objective: pet all the dogs. these are matt's.

birthday bash for rob's 31st!

liz! 

alejandraaaaa .. or ali, if you're a regular mundane ;) 

jay & cindy came out too! 

ladies ♥

ridiculousness, in motion.

Oh, and some certain folks went and got baptized this month, too.. but that deserves a separate entry, so give me a few more days to rally all those pictures :). 

So that brings us to now, in a nutshell. I've said before that I'll be more consistent in daily updates, and after having written just this one day's slew of stuff-scattered as it is, I know- reminds me why I need to flex the blog muscles at least weekly, and eventually daily, like before.

I promise I'll start stringing together more cohesive trains of words and thoughts, too, once I get back into the rhythm of this without a 4-month hiatus.

Thanks for tuning in, blogbots :)

xo | cms