, …… hello, again.

Hello, Again. 

You know, this blog used to be one of my most well-maintained interests. It goes without saying that I've been dormant for a long stretch now, but even this - an outlet - needs to rest.

And here I am, after several failed attempts at telling myself it'd be easy enough to just start again - the daily updating and entries. Looking back over a couple of random entries throughout the past couple years, it's clear that on some days, I really didn't have anything to say.

And that should've been ok.
Don't expect daily updates, from here on out.

***************

So let's start again, as the adage goes: "It's never too late to start (again) (over) (new)." 

So, …… hello, again. 

My daughter turns 9 tomorrow. September 1st. I remember 01 Sep 09 like it was yesterday, right down to the color I'd painted my toenails that morning - a nervous task I'd set myself to because I was home alone and strangely sure that I wouldn't safely make it to the hospital on my own accord if I'd tried. My labor and delivery rang in at a whopping 18 total minutes, and a nurse after my delivery complimented my nails; they were a rustic shade of burgundy, by the way. The center of my world shifted that day, embodied in a living 90's glowworm doll - that tiny little burrito over whom I would proceed to cry for the next day, out of both raw joy and the onset of terror that the number of clues I had as to what I was doing equaled zero. And partly, I think, because I was sleepless, caffeine-less and had just expelled a human. Who knows. 

AAANYWAY, I took a picture of Sydni (aforementioned daughter) yesterday, decked out in new club soccer gear, and we shared a joke about photos in general. It's a bit I'd borrowed from the late Mitch Hedberg, a response to that thing people say: "show me a picture of you when you were younger!" The joke goes on to point out that every picture of us is a picture of us when we were younger. ("Show me a picture of you when you are older, and I might be impressed," is the tail end of that - Mitch). For a split second, Sydni had a tough time wrapping her mind around that, but eventually thought it was funny, and rattled off a short list of friends with whom she was immediately going to share it. I mean, it's middle elementary: one of the most competitive, over-saturated markets for unheard joke material. (Go get 'em, kid). 

That was yesterday. Now it's Friday night and I'm coming down off another full week of work, workouts, soccer, life group, birthday preparations. Tomorrow's the actual birthday party, but for tonight, I have the liberty of stretching out on my couch, alone in the stillness of my own home with an acoustic playlist and a laptop at the mercy of this babbling blog. It's 31 August 2018; we're 2/3 through the 3rd quarter of the year. My daughter turns 9 tomorrow, and I am…….. older even now, than I was when I wrote the paragraph preceding this. *sigh. 

Over the past eight months, approximately 839 separate voices convened for a bracket-like tournament in my soul. They were each vying for pole position there, in the driver's seat, wrestling to control my actions, my choices, my words, my priorities. These rival thoughts went head to head, and much like any elimination tourney, there were some easy winners and some underdogs. There were some calls too exhausting for even me to make, the re-matches, the tough losses and the occasional invitation for the cast-offs to return just to stir the pot. Okay, so it's more like a demented hybrid of a legitimate tournament and a reality show, when it comes the thoughts that root and rule me. Human heart versus human mind versus God-governed heart & mind, versus external influences, other people, conflicting advice and learning from experiences. 

One team of thoughts, aptly named APATHY, has a lot of very well-trained players, expertly conditioned to attack me when I'm at my weakest and exploit what they find. Seems contradictory to call them thoughts of apathy, given how aggressively and actively they engaged me, but that's what they created. That's where I lived - in a floating abyss of apathy. Apathy by definition is the absence of interest, enthusiasm and/or concern. 

My relationships were suffering. 

My work was suffering. 

My faith was being strained.
My physical body was exhausted and weak. 

My heart was running on a cobwebbed reserve of muscle memory.

I was re-becoming depressed. (Re-becoming? Sounds good, let's go with it)

And I was there because the things I'd come to compartmentalize and/or attribute to that 'well that's how it/he/she is' junk drawer, eventually poured over all showed up on my doorstep at the same time, demanding my undivided attention. And what's the human response to that? Shutting down. Avoiding the ugliest of the things, the ones that cut the deepest, because what - because we don't want to get hurt. 

The team captain for Team Apathy is Fear. 

Fear temporarily ruled my heart: a wolf hidden under the cloak of self-preservation. I saw that the relationship in my life's foreground: my marriage, was not just falling apart, but should not have happened in the first place. It's not to say he was/is not a good person (on the contrary), but adults are well-versed in the idea that a good person is not inherently the right person. And world, I feared the repercussions of walking away from that. I feared the judgment. I feared that the tug deep in my heart to get out, was somehow misguided. That I'd end up following a siren to my inevitable undoing. I feared the big picture. I feared the conflict this had against the grain of what I believe in, re: marriage. I feared that starting over would wreck me, render me unreachable, unlovable, unacceptable. I became afraid that I couldn't trust anyone again, and that would only aide in warding off anyone who was brave or blind enough to give it a shot. I feared myself: knowing that after trauma like that, I shut down and internalize. I lost sight of why we'd even arrived at that place. 

Team Apathy co-captain: Guilt

By May, I'd found enough gumption to sever that toxic relationship. The signatures on the lines came and went, and in their stead came two competitors: relief & guilt. They less fought than debated, one taking center stage for a while and the other stepping in to contradict. One deep weight had been lifted, dissolved. The cavern it left became prime real estate for guilt to settle in. Guilt that I'd let my family down. My friends. Guilt that I'd both allowed things I hadn't seen but should have into a life involving my daughter, and then the guilt of taking away the good parts that I'd worked so hard to filter just for her. The distraction of the steps involved in that severing had taken a toll on my work - so even my life in the office felt strained. I'd let fear unravel my confidence so evenly across all my endeavors, that I'd adopted the idea that I was just failing to pull my own weight, along with the guilt that was birthed by not doing it. I'd let myself down. In my self-deprecating mind, I'd let God down and there was nothing I could do to undo it. Guilt, guilt. guilt. 

The other players on Team Apathy: Doubt, Resentment, Envy, Lies. 

K, I know none of these things so far sound like apathy - on their own, they aren't, but when they compound and feed off each other, their goal of shutting me down is usually achieved, and everything becomes both overwhelming and bland all at once. Am I the only one?! (I've recently re-discovered, with unending gratitude that the answer is NO, I am not the only one). But seriously - anyone?! Something (or somethingS) happen, and instead of washing the proverbial dirty dishes in the sink, you let them begin to let them pile up, and pile up, and pile up.. and every single time you pass by them, you're reminded of your inadequacy and inability to tackle something that everyone of your (age) (position) (gender) (training) should be able to do in their sleep with a hand tied behind their back. You doubt you're ever going to see the bottom of that sink. You resent every dirty dish that's there, and the person who put it there, whether it was you or not. And you think of someone you know (or even past you!) who has/had no issues at all knocking out a mess just like this one. But there you are, a mountain of mess in different shapes and sizes before you, and that weight is so heavy that you buckle under it, and instead of rolling up your sleeves to stick your hands in dirty water, you turn a blind eye.. just one.more.time. You believe the lie that you can't. You become apathetic. I BECAME APATHETIC.

BUT HERE'S THE *GOOD* NEWS

And WHEW, is it GOOD.

Just as Apathy was a top seed in the battle for my loyalties, there is no competition without a rival. And where Apathy rallied its strongest players, with their deceptive agenda and loveless core, it's adversary had actually already been there waiting to be recognized… again. 

I'll let the sports bracket analogy go - we get the point. But seriously, you guys - GRACE. 

GRACE, by definition as it pertains to my context here (faith): The free and unmerited favor, love for us, through and by God. 

^^ I may have just lost a handful of you, who maybe didn't know before you got to this part that I'm a treacherously broken and self-damaged human whose only hope in this world is to rely on the saving Grace of the God who created the heavens, the earth…….. and little blip-on-the-map me (I'm a Christian). Understanding the depth of faith's true potential is something none of us may ever fully accomplish, but it's a conversation I'm happy to have with you outside of this blog, if you want. It's an entry for another day, but it's been an arduous journey with a feet-dragging, water breaks and black-outs, if I'm being honest. 

Anyway, back to my point here: GRACE. 

Do you ever go through something, and whatever (or whoever) that is, forces you to a place where you - maybe against your pride, even -  become reliant on something or someone else who in reality has been there all along? That's exactly how it is for me. How it's always been. I take the grace I've been given for granted, until my feet are in the fire (usually because my dumb self put them there?), and I reach back desperately and instinctively for an anchor. And it's always, always there. 

Where Apathy umbrella'd fear, guilt, doubt, resentment, envy… they pale next to the legions of Grace: 

Forgiveness

Confidence

Patience

Truth

Love

Hope

Anyone who's ever done something they regret, can tell you what that wave of guilt feels like. How it presses into your core and makes you wish you could wash it off, but you can't. Turn back time, take it back or do it differently. Instead, we fixate on something else - something untouched, unrelated.. safe. For me, I compartmentalize. The junk drawer becomes a junk box, becomes a closet, becomes a storage unit ever-increasing in square footage. All the hurt, guilt, shame - all of that goes into that storage, where it stays and occasionally leaks back out when something happens and I'm forced to stare one of those feelings in the face again to process it. I then either shoulder it or project it onto someone close to me. Or I just shut down all together, become a full-functioning exterior encasing the inner work-in-progress (which is sometimes a quick add-on, remodel, full demolition & rebuild, or something brand new). 

But to really embrace the grace (I'm sorry that's a cheesy rhyme), I have to download the pillars that hold it in place over and in me: 

Forgiveness, of others but seemingly harder sometimes - of myself. Recognizing what I've done and asking forgiveness either from the person(s) I wronged, and then of myself.. is no easy task. Not everyone says yes - and more often than not, it's not other people turning me down. 

Confidence, that the next try will yield at best a completely different turnout.. and at worst, an opportunity to learn and grow. Confidence in the process, and in myself and others to realize that disappointment is part of the natural process, but it doesn't have to be a home. 

Patience. This one's easy to spot, because I'm not at all wired as a patience person (ok, sometimes, but more often… not). It's hard to exercise because I'm conditioned to see results of efforts, usually loooong before God has intended me to see them. 

Truth. I just had a discussion this week through life group, regarding the difference between being Nice and being Loving. While there's an overlap, the clear difference is that to be loving, we have to be willing to speak truth to ourselves and to others, however difficult that might be, or how much the human nature in us wants it to be false. Being nice is catering to the agenda of appeasing everyone, whereas a gentle truth will always carry more weight than a half-hearted compliment. 

Love. Suuuuuch a loaded word, with all of its possible contexts, forms and versions. For me, I view love - real love, as the manifestation of my vertical relationship. When I'm in line with what I've been called to be in Christ, I am confident. I am patient. I feel love, not on a surface level, but in the way that we feel it from good parents - where we want to make them proud and when we do AND when we don't, they speak in truth but still love us exactly the same. For my life, that means loving my daughter unconditionally. Loving hard-to-love people exactly where they are, and keeping a leash on my own agenda. It means forgiving others and myself when I don't want to, and allowing the girl in mirror to breathe deep, and understand that she is not perfect, but she absolutely is worthy. 

Hope, because where are any of us without it? Where do I go, if I don't believe the hope that my daughter will grow into a young woman who values herself and other people? What do I do - what do any of us do, if we lose hope that the end hasn't come yet? We have ALL seen the damage done by people who lose hope. It's not a road I want any of us on, ever. 

***************

End of 2017: 

I'd lost focus, lost sight, misplaced hope. I'd forgotten about grace, and gave into apathy. I became this weird kind of limbo-ey shell and I knew I couldn't stay there. FORTUNATELY, and I cannot stress this enough: I half found (half was found by) a small, yet varied network of people who took the time to pour into me. To pursue me. Gently persistent because they loved me exactly where I was and knew that I needed help. Their words weren't always nice. They weren't unkind, but they weren't spoken out of a feel-good agenda. They were spoken to me by people who loved me enough to say the things I didn't want to hear, see, feel. Eight short months ago, the pot boiled over, and those people who intimidated me with their honest love that I felt I didn't deserve, were the people I needed the most. Not all of them agreed with the life changes I had to make to get back on solid ground, but not once did they stop loving or accepting me. 

To fill the gap: yes, I found solid ground. It's solid, blooming and surrounded by fresh air, water and people who invest into me for my own sake. I've regained my footing and dismissed Apathy and its team of sore losers. My relationships have recovered. I'm back on the field at work. Literally back on the field & in the gym for soccer. Connected with my daughter in a more intentional way than maybe ever, before now. I have room to grow, mountains to climb. But grace will win, every time, even when the outlook is bleak. 

And now that I'm almost two hours older than when I started this entry - if you're still with me here - I hope that if you've gleaned anything from this, it's that it is NOT too late for you to turn the page in your book, take a deep breath, and just… start, again. 

***************

Final thoughts…. 

I had a conversation a few years back with a friend about trying our best to raise kids in a broken world, and she made the comment, 

"I mean, at this point I'm not even worried what he wants to be when he grows up, as long as he's not the bully or the snob." 

Despite other areas where we don't always see eye-to-eye, I couldn't help but want to agree with her on this one. I mean, how true is that? How many parents can identify with that, at its core? Moreover, how many of us became - even if just momentarily - one or both of those, and would be proud to say it?

The bully or the snob? The one who attacks other for his/her own self-gain, or the one who can't be bothered with the perceived menial problems of anyone deemed below whatever threshold dictates worthiness? I know for a fact that I've been both, and that I'm not proud of it. I know that I'm working my hardest to instill a spirit of confidence and humility into my daughter - to equip her to be aware of the world but still compassionate.

So tomorrow, the center of my earthly focus turns 9. She is everything a mother could hope for at this stage: healthy, intelligent, social, energetic, with eyes that light up when she is happy and give away when she isn't but says she is. She wears her heart on her sleeve and isn't afraid to cry when it hurts. She comes back the next day ready to give it right back to the world. 

She is everything I hope to be, when I grow up. And when I do, I'll know that maybe I got it right after all. It's never too late. 

So hello, again. 

xo | cmd

14.5 On A Sunday

If you're as lucky as I am, then your morning starts out with rehearsals that are both productive.. and fun. And did I mention we are thrilled to have Holby back?! Seriously, it wasn't the same without him. Obviously: 

Speaking of Holby, we love that Chad also tasked him with announcements this morning. As you can see, Chad handled it rather well:

when chad starts second-guessing his recent decisions ;) 

I've said it before and I'll say it a hundred times more, this group is one of the best there is, and I'm so, so stoked that I get to share life with them.

I was also pretty pumped that today was so gorgeous! We did lunch with the Ricks after church and then headed home to veg out for a couple hours before strapping up the bikes for a quick ride at Lunken.

ready, set.... go!

done and done and my quads were so mad... ;) 

It's January and the path was full of people - I couldn't have asked for more! My poor legs might beg to differ, but it felt good to switch up the cardio and give my quads a little something to complain about later (aka tomorrow). 

We made it back just in time to grab dinner and rendezvous at the Ricks' house for the quarterly budget meeting, then back home to wrap up the night. Oh, and Jess - now that golden milk is a staple in my house, you're welcome to come by any time and steal some ;)

things of a sunday night

Kind of a hodge podge day, but that's what keeps it interesting, right? 

Tomorrow's a brand new work week, and I'm ready. Are you? 

xo | cms

Ugh, Accountability

I am on the homestretch of the Whole30!
This is officially my last dedicated weekend to the program, and for the first time since I started that I woke up and reaaaally wanted actual pancakes. With blueberries and syrup. And actual butter. It was a tough sell not giving in, but I'm not about to screw this up now.

SO INSTEAD, I hauled myself out of bed and straight to the gym. And from there, out to the store to pick up the pillows I needed to finish up the guest bedroom. I mean, what's a good alternative to shoveling your face with food you can't eat? Answer: HIIT bicep & tricep circuits, followed by throwing money into the first level of domestic hell: decorating.

I managed to haul myself and eight pillows ranging from king-sized to euro, from the mall to the car, and then home, where I was greeted by the task of climbing up on the roof to take the Christmas lights down. Yes, we're those people with lights up at the end of January, shush. 

So I did the domestic thing (I'll post pics later, bc I'm over it currently). And then... I napped.
More like, I sought out the nearest coma and nose-dove face first into it, clad in sweats, a robe and freshly-showered hair that morphed into a petrified cloud as I slept. Let me also be clear here, that my pre-nap lunch of turkey hash... and the post-lunch snack of a Lara Bar did very little to satisfy the craving I had just before that for an actual chicken quesadilla, 13 donuts and a bowl of sticky rice. I am not kidding - although reticent, but meh -  when I say that the degree of food-want I experienced today could potentially have rivaled the weird collabo of stuff I demanded when I was actually pregnant.

>> I'm not pregnant, btw. <<

I woke up to Jessica on her way, which was probably the saving thread between me and the annihilation of what progress I've made this month on W30. I threw on the lowest-qualifying version of presentable and made a quick run to the store for just the essentials: cauliflower, pineapple, sweet potatoes, turmeric, ground turkey and lemons (again, I know...). I made it back, made dinner and even had some help with the golden milk at the end.


Good grief. I'm finally not hungry at this exact moment but for the first time this month, that was a close, close call.....

Stay tuned for a couple more days, and I'll have a full line of feedback for you on this Whole30 thing, AND I promise that it's not nearly as ridiculous as it sounds from this singular post. I've joked plenty in this entry, but the reality is that I most definitely endorse W30 and am quite happy with what it's done for me in just these few weeks. That'll be its own entry for another day - maybe Wednesday or Thursday next week.

Bottom line - if you're out there doing the January Whole30, HANG IN THERE! We've almost got this, and just have a few more days. We. Can. DO IT! :)

..... And with that in mind, I'm out, before I change my mind and eat more food ;)
G'Nite!

xo | cms

Buon Compleanno, Mamma!

IT'S MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY! 

look at that hair! ;) 

I'm not the kid that can say she and her mom have always been best friends. We fought a lot in my formative years, but here's the deal: she didn't then, hasn't since and I'm fairly certain never will not have my back. She's fought for me every day of my life, even before I was born (because yenno, adoption). She made sacrifices I can't imagine making, to be sure that the child she chose - not birthed - would have a well-rounded life. She invested in me with everything she had, and even though we can agree now that the good intentions didn't always hit their mark, they were there. Even when I felt most alone growing up, she was there. She is always, always there.

I wanted to say some things about her - my mom. 

The first of those things is this: My mom is  not the perfect mom. She never has been. She won't ever be. HOWEVER, the fact remains that she started that journey almost an entire year after her child was born. If you're anything other than blind, you've understood that I'm adopted; by definition alone that means that I am not her biological-born, and so the choices she made on my behalf were, in my eyes, just that much more intentional. She had none of it figured out when I got here. She didn't have to. My mom is the type of person who shines even brighter after moments of failure or mistake. I've never met anyone who so thoroughly uses a setback as an opportunity to do and be better on the next chance. That's been a hallmark of her personality for as long as I've known her, and from what I hear from my family, long before that. 

Another thing: My mom is the epitomy of the finite balance between endless positivity and an almost annoying air caution. I don't know how she achieves both so fully. She chooses to find the light in everything, even if that light is a buried underdog in the battle. In the same breath, she's warning me to check my fruits and vegetables for pesticides and not to use toxic chemicals when I clean the areas my pets and family might use. She has an unwavering smile through it all, as though the sun being out in the sky is the best thing since the sun existing in the first place. 

And then.. she's been the logistics coordinator and structural brain of our family for years, and is still somehow hilariously and adorably aloof. 2017 was the year she and my dad finally emerged from the leashes of FLIP PHONES, and went straight to smart phones. I now get to hear her say things like, "Oh, I just love the Google." 

Us too, Mom. Us too. 

If ever there was a non-celebrity human being who invested herself into the well-being of others around her before herself, it's my mom. She's a professional samaritan, which by proxy is likely one of the biggest contributors to her endless supply of joy. Oh, and if you've known my mom for more than 5 minutes, you'll know that that compassion is distributed in this order: Animals, Family, Food (aka, for everyone else). Those legends you hear about animal activists in the 70's with clipboard petitions to save caged pigeons are not just tall tales. That was her, in all her Farrah hair and bell-bottom prime. She channeled that into 20+years as the president of our hometown humane society, and has every ounce of credit for surrounding me with vets, trainers and breed advocates who taught me the fundamentals of animal well-being. I assisted in my first hands-on feline spaying surgery when I was 9, and was pulling rounds of deer ticks off stray dogs for multiple-hour sessions in my garage by the age of 11. I could recite the foster-to-adopt program by heart before I finished middle school, and it's because my mom was (is!) so passionate about any creature - 2 or 4+ legged, who don't have their own voice. 

Lastly (for purposes of this blog, but certainly not lastly in general), my mom is HAPPY. She is happy with the life she's built, with what she's lost and what she's gained. The joy that is in her eyes isn't fake. It's not forced. It's there because she obliged her passion for adventure and loving others. For being a part of a community, a family, a business, or an excursion. She's happy because the things she's poured herself into were not always rewarding, but then when they were, it was tenfold. She is happy because she has surrounded herself with people who share her beliefs and her passions, and who continue to encourage and keep her accountable to her goals. And she's happy because she still has goals. My mom is genuinely happy with her life and what it has given and continues to give her. Our running joke is that she'll be the one still riding her bike 13 miles a day at 212 years old, when we're long gone. I mean, it's unlikely, but we'll see ;). 

Mom, you deserve every bit of love and light today. I love you to the moon & back.

Happy Birthday ♥

xo  | cms

Worship & Winter Walks

First things first, WELCOME BACK, Josh!!

We've been waiting anxiously for weeks for Josh to be well enough to return and take up his spot on the praise team. While we'd adjusted to his absence, having him back today was the best way we could've started the service. Oh, and we brought out the instruments to celebrate :)

we're all here! ♥

rehearsal time :) 

We headed home after church, where I threw in a load of laundry, made a couple eggs and did a quick change to head out for a quick hike with Jess & Bumper.

stella didn't feel like going.. 

i was hungry?

let's go, bumper! 

East Fork was pleasantly quiet today, with the exception of a few mountain bikers and one couple hiking with their dog. Jess, Bump and I took to the Harsha Lake circuit - today was the perfect day for it.

hi jess!

william harsha lake | east fork state park | ohio

(and the masses ((and I)) said yes.)

all the while knowing full well i wasn't going anywhere..

cold but happy ♥

Earlier this morning at church, Chad emphasized the idea that in walking with someone, we have the opportunity to find true transparency. He referenced the amount of time Jesus spent walking - physically - with His disciples. With strangers. With the outcast. With everyone. They walked and talked with each other. Some of the Bible's most iconic characters became such as a result of the relationships they developed while literally walking.

I was reminded today how thankful I was to be present in that moment, with one of my close friends. I'm thankful for her insight, conversation and what she has already given me as a friend. We talked at length about what 2018 looks like for us individually, and agreed that we've both put self-love on the list of things we intend to pursue this year. Self-love. Self-care. Self-inspection. More investing into the things that really fuel us, rather than the things that deplete us.

It's something I'll build on as the year gets underway, but today was a secluded eye-opener as we marched through the woods alongside the frozen stream bed and sunlight. Today though, I'm grateful for the praise team and church family who continue to walk through life with each other, and for my beautiful friend Jess, who walked with me today and obliged real, life talk. I really do have much more than I've earned.

Oh, and I made some banana bread that's Whole30 APPROVED, so if y'all would like the recipe, well.. it's the easiest thing you'll make this week, so just ask :)

It's back to work tomorrow, and I think I'm ready.
January, you're lookin' okay so far. :)

xo | cms

Celebrating Mama Julie!

So this is a thing, just in case you were concerned... I dunno.. that it wasn't.. ? 

i mean.... 

^It's funny because I drive past that thing at least 3 times weekly, and I've always wanted to stop and at least look at it. Cincinnati has a thing with posting various flying pig statues around the city, and this one has always seemed like one of the more elaborate among them. If you're ever in Milford, you'll probably spot it ;) 

I arrived at small group expecting to delve into adult conversation right away. Instead, I built a house. 

and i am not sorry. 

The REAL story tonight is that we celebrated Mama Julie's fast-approaching retirement! This upcoming Saturday will be her last 'official' day as a nurse, but I am always in awe whenever she shares stories from her career. I've determined that she, along with people like my dad and a few other mentors I've had along the way, are models for where I want to ultimately find myself. I so admire her for having such a full and rewarding career, raising a family in the midst of it and all the while actively and intentionally pursuing her faith for herself and all those around her. 

mama julie!

You've earned it, Mama J! 

we love you mama j! 

Jaclyn and I also thought we'd share with you the truth behind our small group study. If you're in the market for notes on how to study, well.. we've got you covered ;). In style. And fringes ;).

♥ you jax!

Whew. Happy almost Friday, blogbots!

xo | cms

#FCCvNYRB

That Cincinnati has such a huge futbol following right now is something that I love. There's nothing really like the energy at futbol games, and although the majority of Cinci has likely never truly experienced that in its fanatic European format, I'm still amped that soccer is at least on the map now in this city. Even in our infancy USL stages, I'm proud to be here and watch them grow.

photo cred: instagram @fccincinnati

Tonight was sold OUT!

photo cred: instagram @fccincinnati

It was a muggy day outside all throughout the actual daylight hours, and it wasn't about to stop at 8pm, either. Rob and I met up with Brandon for dinner before the game, which gave us the chance to see the parade through the stadium for the first time. Cinci, I applaud your spirit!

Brandon left us shortly after we found our seats; his work had one of the suites up at the top, but we were at least able to text our string of play-triggered emotions back and forth the entire time in a group text.

In case you weren't there, or didn't watch it, or really didn't and probably still don't care, here's an overview of this evening, as seen through the lens of... well, yours truly. 

Better luck next time, boys. We came out of the gate roaring but lost a lot of it in the 2nd half. I'm sure the tides will eventually turn when the growth cycle is complete, but with record attendance of 33,250, it's clear that your fanbase is ready to back you up, win or lose. After all, this is Cincinnati ;)... 
Whew. Tomorrow is a big day for a certain kiddo.. time for some serious ZzZ's! 
xo | cms 

PENTATONIX & US THE DUO!!!

This is definitely back dated, and I am definitely still geeked out. #notsorry

& 

When I found out that PTX was coming to Cincinnati, I lost all impulse control and immediately knew I was going to this show. I didn't care if I went alone; I WAS GOING. Fortunately, I didn't have to go alone, because Rob is awesome and knows full-well that they've been on my bucket list for years now. 

And then I found out that Us the Duo was opening for them... and if there'd been any doubt before [let's be clear, there wasn't], this was the surefire confirmation that I would be in that crowd. 

And so we bought tickets. And so we went... and this is the totally amateur photo+video [because no I will not be that person out there with an L lens resting on your-head-in-the-row-in-front-of-me's head to get the picture. 

I wrote an instructional, if you need it. Lalallaalalala, GO: 

First things first, you obviously go out and buy an item of clothing that you didn't see yourself ever wearing before. You do that impulsively, because you're impulsive, but in your defense just staying consistent. ;) And then, you take a bathroom selfie because you've also curled your hair, donned the fancy septum ring and in your head you've absofreakinlutely nailed the cut-in on that smirky right eyebrow [but did you? nobody knows, or cares]: 

ready! :) 

^ For the record, it's the floral jacket that I never thought I'd like, let alone own. But hey.. when in Rome Cincinnati... sure, whatever.

STEP TWO:
Get there, and get a head-to-toe capture of this outfit that still has you questioning which VH1 commercial dropped you off into it. You don't care, because you're at the PTX show. 

and the empty corbett pavilion.. whoa! 

♥ embrace that front facing camera... embrace it ♥

Drink boxed wine. You've never done that before, so do it at the show you've waited 9 years to see.
And eat the weird chip things, too. They're actually.. not bad? 

try. the. new. things.

See how long it takes you to run into someone you know. It didn't take me long at all this time around; Tim & Chris were just a couple rows behind us! 

hey guys! ♥

Next: After you're done with the preliminary formalities of concert-going [see aforementioned 'boxed wine' & 'friends,' also merch table perusing and consumption of overpriced event food], you get to take a bajillion photos and videos of the actual show. It'll look like you're having legitimate seizures through all the shaky video footage, because maybe you are or are not happy crying and barely keeping that phone focused. It's a steep price to both enjoy the show and capture your own footage to review later. 

PICTURES: 

us the duo!
michael & carissa 

ptx!
avi. kirstin. scott. mitch. kevin

♥♥♥♥♥

I realized mid-way through PTX opening that my regular camera has a lighting adjustment that worked far better than the IG camera.. womp womp. Better late than never, yeah?

pentatonix & us the duo | jolene

avi is leaving ptx and we literally all hate it. 

Recap: It's been a long, awesome day. 

a thorough progression of this day:
am, pre-show, showtime, post-show

Back to work tomorrow! I hope it's a wonderful week for all of you! 

xo | cms

Girls.. Just Wanna BIKE, EAT & REDBOX

I really thought it was 1pm and that we still had to stain a deck when I woke up today. 

nope. 

And don't get me wrong, I was all the way down and ready to do some staining, but the sun was so bright at 9am that I thought it was well into early afternoon. Fortunately, it was early, and with the rain yesterday, there was no way we'd be doing any type of stain work today. 

INSTEAD, we opted to go for a bike ride! 

I didn't bring my bike, but fortunately, Jenn's parents have a few spares, so Nikki and I took up the offer and we were on our way in no time. I did end up with the taller bike, but major kudos to Nikki for wanting to try it! 

^ Nik, we weren't laughing at you... I mean.... ok, yeah, we were, but it was hilarious and you are a trooper for even wanting to do that! 

The ride in was beautiful, and although it was 16 miles each way, the ride itself was mild.

covered bridges :) 

We arrived in Yellow Springs, in the middle of a street vendor Saturday - these are my favorite, and I had to admit I didn't know YS had weekends & shoppes like it does! 

yellow springs, oh

merch & shoppes... & nikki! 

We ordered food, stopped at the brewery and then got ice cream.

And we justified each of these things with having ridden the 16 miles to get there, and the fact that each of us had done some version of a workout circuit in the past 24 hours. Haha..

pizza. brew. ice cream. #saturdaynotsorry

And Yellow Springs is especially dog-filled.

... and obviously i will. pet. all. the dogs. 

We finished up in YS and made our way back to Beavercreek - a slightly different but still beautiful little ride.

Jenn and I met up with Mikey for dinner and then decided that we were absolutely not doing a daggone thing after that. 

yes.

Well, maybe something, if an impulse trip to the store to buy snacks immediately following dinner.. counts. It counts. It totally counts. 

snacks, wine, redbox.
.... i mean.... 

Because we thought it'd be a good idea to sob ourselves into Saturday night... 

the shack

^ Holy crap, Sam Worthington... so many feels. 

Whew. Happy Saturday, loves!

xo | cms