35 Years Strong

January 2, 1982:

Rick & Sandy got married. 

They got married. They chose to commit their entire lives to the sacrifice, service & love of the other, vowing to put everything they had, into them. 

These are two people that adopted a little orphaned girl from the other side of the world. They have loved outside of themselves since before they were even they, and I became the product of a love that was willing to reach across oceans. 

These are two people who diligently played their respective roles as responsible adults in a world that could have caved in at any point. At one point, for him, it did, in a way. They fought tirelessly not to maintain a lifestyle, but to prove to the world and to themselves that they would not be broken, swayed or ill-manipulated. They lived life not perfectly, but honestly and with heart. 

These are two people who gave, and gave, and gave.. and then gave some more to those around them. And they haven't stopped! They delight in service, and find joy when they have played a part in enhancing the world around them for the benefit of someone else. 

These are two people who love all creatures, and believe in loving everything in exactly the season they've found it - whether it be a person in a dark season, or a sick animal. They have loved unconditionally, they have restored, and they have accepted. 

These are two people whose resolve to live clean, and be healthy. Their bodies are in no way reflective of what the number on paper says. They are diligent, dedicated and accountable in ways that are contagious to those around them. 

These are two people whose faith precedes them. They have been shown firsthand that where there is a will, there is a way, and that HIS will is always the best way. They have allowed themselves to be taught, mentored and loved in faith. 

And these are two people who today are celebrating 35 years of everything that is them: The beautiful moments and the ones that terrified them into sleepless nights filled with tears prayers. These are my parents, and these are two of undoubtedly the most phenomenal people I will ever know. 

Happy Anniversary, you two. May love always win ♥

xo | cmd

She Loves - Series Day 1: Everyday Encouragement

You guys.

It's been over a month since I last published an entry on here. That doesn't sound like much, but I was the girl committed to myself in an effort to visit my e-journal daily, if for no other purpose than for revisiting it later on if I was curious as to what I was doing a year ago on whatever day. Yeah, that's a silly reason, I know, but if I told you it had never helped me out in a moment of memory lapse, well, that'd be a lie. So I've struggled with the big old first world problem of lack of blog time, over really the last year or so. It's more to me than just a blog, really, it's the idea of journaling in general that I've back-burnered all together. Over the past week though, I went out and purchased a composition notebook, and forced myself to sit in complete silence until something..anything.. came out of the pen.

And I realized that my busy schedule wasn't the only issue. I could literally only think of meatless, surface things to say. Don't get me wrong, that's not always a bad thing, but there exists a span of years: 28plus, to be exact - of my life in which I was an avid, consistent journaler, both on paper and then in an e-format as well. I favor at times blogging, because both my mind and my typing fingers partner together at about triple the speed of my writing fingers.

That's my backwards way of apologizing to an audience that I guarantee doesn't really care about the fact that I haven't been keeping up with my daily blogs. Let's face it, it's really not this big of a deal.. *wry laugh. #firstworldproblems #ijustusedahashtagoutsideofinstagram....#again.

Whatever. So UPDATES, huh? What the heck have I been doing?
Well, as I scrolled back through the handful of entries I made between June and mid-September, I think for the most part, life has been a blur, but of the same things on repeat: Sydni's soccer games and practices, work day in and day out, volleyball, road trips, family and friends as much as life allows these days.

OH, and yeah.. that little detail that we GOT MARRIED!

mr. & mrs. stokes | est 08 Oct 2016

And gosh.. what a day that was! (When I get more pictures back, I'll for sure make a retro entry, because it was awesome and then some!) Here I am a day shy of 2 weeks after, feeling both like the wedding day was yesterday and yet a lifetime ago. The collection of married people we know all said that the day flies right by, and unfortunately I've been there once before to know that much can be true, but honestly, while our day did come and go in a flash, we made sure to live in every moment, and for that, it was the exact amount of time we needed.

Afterwards, we came home, back to real life, our house, our adult responsibilities, our dogs, our jobs and our life together now as a husband and wife. It is so similar to "before," and yet so different, which, if I'm honest, kinda baffles me, since our 'regular' life didn't really change. And yet... here I am, feeling more in love with this guy than I did yesterday, and a multitude of other sappy cliched amorous feelings toward my husband. Must be a newly-wed thing ;). 

Then last week-ish, I stumbled across a list of Bible verses geared towards women, compiled [careful not to say written.. haha] by a Marisa Donnelly, on ThoughtCatalog.com, a website I'd literally never heard of before. She'd tracked down 27 verses that had spoken to her - after reading it, it's actually 26, but one of them was listed twice in two different translations. It hit me that in the past, any seasons of writer's block I experienced were more easily dissuaded when I turned back to Scripture and opened my heart and mind to whatever application was tied to my life - in all its mess & beauty. 

So I've arrived now at the reason I finally opened the blog today. I have a renewed sense of reason and purpose to be on here, and I'm excited for it. I wanted to go down Marisa's list of verses, one at a time, one-a-day, and remind myself why I needed that verse, that day. We'll see if that holds true; while I read through the entire list once, I don't have it memorized, so each day will be something of a surprise, I guess? 

And five novels later [sorry], here we go: 

Psalm 46:5 - God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. (NIV)

Sidenote:  For those of you who've never cracked open a Bible before, I implore you to maybe find a Christian - a real-life, imperfect, broken, compassionate, every day Christian - and just... get to know them. Sure, some of the Bible is daunting, and at first glance might look like a manuscript of rules and regulations, but I can assure you, there is so. much. more to it. And If I happen to be that really screwed up, sin-ridden but undeservedly-loved Christian you need to talk to, you let me know.. and I'll let you know just how normal you probably are ;)! Adversely, for those of you who have this postered all over your house on everything from wall decals to coffee mugs, well, it's a good one.

Not the first time I've seen this verse, and it's admittedly not one of my "go-to's," either. It does however, apply in more than one way. See, at first glance, this is one of those lines that I see all over the place, usually in the context of an encouragement card or confidence boost for someone facing a difficult time. It carries that kind of absolute hope & strength of God's steadfast support for when we are tripping over ourselves and other people on our way to not drowning in hard times. It's [ok, most of these are, if I remember.. ] a feel-good verse for sure, and I'll admit I've leaned on it once or twice over the years. 

BUT, as I re-read it today to start this mini-series of my own, I realized that I personally will draw more depth from this if I remember that it applies to me on my very.best.day.EVER... as well as the days I feel like melted plastic. Seriously though: The past week and a half have been ah-mazing - work has gone smoothly, our home life has felt renewed since the wedding, we've had good fortune with cars and house and pets and kid and health and aaaall the pieces have just fallen into and stayed securely in place. And I wake up feeling positive about the little piece of time I have in this world, to recall this verse - this promise that the Lord of all creation is also with me?! To be not reminded, but re-assured, really, that He loves me.. loves my husband, loves my family, my marriage, my well-being and my mission as a human to share His calibur love? That HE is the timeless source of love, life and real, unfiltered happiness.. and that same HE.. has chosen to be with ME, and ensure that I do not fall farther than He can reach? Y'll.... just... y'all... Nobody deserves that kind of love, but the fact that we have it is pa-lenty reason to at least make an effort at a good day. 

And the effects of that realization on the good days are what will sustain me on those particularly bad days, when the ship sinks and I'm blind in dark waters with a piece of the sail stuck to my face. I've been there, you've been there, we've all been ugly crying over life & loss at some point. To fully download this verse in that moment, in the storm, really is impressive if I think about it... usually if I'm inconsolable, I'm.. well, inconsolable. You could read me every song in the book and my human sarcasm might take over, will it away as I might try. BUT, give me this guy on a day when I'm clear-headed, and it'll add to the emergency reserve I'll need when the rain comes. 

I don't know if today's a good day, or a bad day for you, or if you've got a well-balanced mix of them like I do. I don't know if you're here reading this because you're in a dry spell of bad luck, nasty people and pressure to fix things out of your control, or if you're sailing through reading this because you were curious. Or, if anyone's reading this at all. I said earlier that really, these are for tomorrow me to come back and read, when the time is right and I need reminded that a little thread of lucidity did exist that one time on a Friday. But wherever you are, and whatever season you're in, I'm pretty sure we could all use a little encouragement, to fill the tank. 

Happy WEEKEND, blogbots. 

xo | cms <<< and that's new, too.. yiee!

I. SAID. YES!

Today was.... LOADED.

Holy friggin' COW, ya'll... I'M ENGAGED!!!!

Nononono....

WE .. are ENGAGED!!!!!!

WHAT?! YES... I SAID YES!!

Let me slow down for a moment and start at the beginning of what is now officially one of the greatest days of my life:

First things first, Santa - bless his jolly soul and all the overtime he's putting in this year ;) - well, he made another stop as expected last night here to the Dren Lodge, and what Sydni found under the tree this morning was a stockpile of wrapped goodies!

santa was here!!!! :D 

As is customary with Christmas presents, very little time was wasted before it was all hands on deck for the mass demolitions of paper, bows and packaging. Fortunately, Sydni's got a firm understanding of the "take turns" concept, which is very difficult to follow when it comes to spoils from Santa - I was very proud of her patience this morning!

nana & pappy took their turns :) 

sydni's biggest gift - a 4.5 ft tall dollhouse! O.o 

To say that Sydni was beside herself is a HUGE understatement; even we were impressed with the elaborate design - and size! - of this dollhouse that my sister and parents found asked Santa to get Sydni :) :).

Here's the part I did NOT see coming. I usually have a pretty good intuition about these things, and it is very difficult to surprise me [it's a curse more than a blessing, most of the time], but my man delivered and managed to blast my expectations of the day completely out of the park.

Guys Guys Guyssssss.....

♥WE ARE ENGAGED!!♥

How it happened [an entirely "us" story, too]:
I stood with Rob's arm around my shoulder as we watched my mom & Sydni tear into the dollhouse box. Dad, off to the side, had purposefully removed himself from the pit of the action, a move I of course didn't find peculiar. Rob kissed the side of my unceremoniously bunned up head and said, "I love you," as we often tell each other. I thought nothing of it, even when he repeated the phrase and hugged me tighter. I smiled at noone in particular, engrossed in the bliss of being with my family, in my parents' home, celebrating Christmas.

And then came out the box. He pulled it casually out of his pocket and held it in front of my face, to which I did what every movie-perfect recipient of a diamond ring does:

I cupped my perfectly-manicured hands over my pristinely-madeup face and nodded an emphatic Yes, YES! while tears welled up against my life-proof mascara, backed by the frizz-free, symmetrical waves of my red carpet hair. 

Uh.... yeah.

So what happens in real life in situations like this looked a lot more like what actually went down here this morning:

He held out the ring. I immediately started crying, but not the type of crying that makes you wish you looked like Rachel McAdams from The Notebook. Nope. The kind of crying I did was more like the ugly crying that Fat Amy does in Pitch Perfect when Bumper hits her with a flying burrito.

yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes &....... yes. 

That's not an exaggeration. I buried my makeup-free [thank HEAVENS] face into Rob's shirt and sobbed. Snot and all. This is life, guys. This is real life. I bawled, for lack of a more sane response, because I could not process the idea that this man wanted to commit everything in him to one person for as long as he walks this planet.. and that that one person is somehow... me.

xbox one controller | dollhouse piano | engagement ring
looks like we all got the best for this year! ♥♥♥

I cried. Mom, who is more the emotional basket-case in the feely situations, stopped what she was doing and started crying. That's now two of us ugly crying. Sydni, who's now been left to her own devices to destroy the dollhouse packaging, slips and cuts [the.tiniest.cut.ever,btw..] her finger on a stray cardboard edge, and starts her crying, for the obvious & entirely unrelated reason. Dad, who by this point doesn't know if he's tearing up because of the engagement or because of Sydni, just stands there in between the two decisions.

Rob,
This is our life... welcome to it ♥♥
Hahaha... This was exactly how everything transpired, and in hindsight several hours later, I can honestly say that I would not have changed it. I'm one heck of a lucky girl, and when it actually hits me that I'm marrying this insanely amazing guy, I'll really start freaking out :).

For now, it was a morning to be envied here at The Dren Lodge: Mom's breakfast, followed by the sun pouring in through the gable windows to illuminate a Christmas morning marked by the sounds of my happy family.

dad & sydni : card games! 

Thanks to Rob's dedication to the cause for three hours, the dollhouse was finally erected and moved to its home in Sydni's room. The addition of nearly four boxes of my Barbie stuff from my younger years completed the furnishing of the new house, which was complete with a campground, thanks to the tents, grills and miscellaneous outdoor accessories. 

the house. + side garage. +campground. 

^ Oh, and the cards were moved outside to of course accomodate the horses, which obviously took precedence in residing in the garage stable. She's my mother's grandchild, I can say that much ;).

Mom & Dad took a short trip out together to complete a few errands and one of Mom's petsitting stops; we stayed back to hold down the fort, which added to the perfectly made-up agenda for today.

tickle. giggle. belly laugh.
repeat. 

[just] hangin' out @ the dren lodge! ♥

I'm still not over today. I won't be for a very long time.
I'm here in the house that [literally] built me, in which another irreplaceable memory was made today. I wouldn't have chosen any other place on planet earth for that to happen, but I didn't know that until it happened today. I'm here now, nestled in a bundle of blankets and tiny toes, surrounded by my family. This is perfect.

Good night from here, and from the proud-to-be future Mrs. Stokes! ;)
[it'll set in, eventually!]

xo | cmd

HAPPY 32nd ANNIVERSARY!

1...2....3.........4......10... 20....30...

32!!!!!

Today is the 32nd anniversary of two of the greatest parents to hit planet earth, and today, I wish them the absolute best. I wish I had stolen at least a digital copy of a few more pictures of my parents in their "yesteryears," as Mom calls them; I wanted to illustrate how although they have certainly put a few more years under their belts, their youth is more defined than most of my peers.

check these two out! ♥♥

Words really don't give proper justice to how much I love them, but for what it's worth, I literally owe them my life... but not in the traditional capacity of a parent-child relationship. The fact that I'm adopted isn't news to anyone who knows me, but there is never an inopportune moment to pause and be thankful for that transpiring of events. I would know a very different lifestyle if not for them; with the recent tsunami tragedy in the Philippines, there is no telling if I would even still be on this earth today. To commit your lives to raising children not born to you is something I don't yet know, and something I only hope I have the compassion to do if that blessing presents itself to me.

Happy 32nd Anniversary to my beautiful parents. Thank you for the examples you've set along the way, for the realistic expectations you've helped me to develop and keep, for the standards you've taught me to have and for the unconditional support, forgiveness and love you've given me in spite of the times we all know I did not deserve it. Here's to another year of your lives together; I am beyond thankful to have you in mine.

I love you!

xo | cmd

BONUS POST :: CATIE'S ENGAGED!!!

I woke up today feeling immediately dull, knowing that it is the birthday of a friend I'll never see again. I cried early in the day, thinking about what my family would do in my absence or if I was one of the ones left to pick up the pieces if they were gone. My heart goes out to the Fogle family, today, and I hope there is peace for you.

NOT that it removes or lessens the pain of missing an old friend, but I did get the news this morning that yesterday... at Washington Park...


*SQUEAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Catie and Andy got ENGAGED!!!!!!

..... I can't even stand it right now. I'm beyond excited for my little ginger! Haha. Seriously though, I don't know too many people like these, and I am.... THOROUGHLY thrilled for them both.


adore. adore. adore.

Good grief, I can't freakin' wait for the celebration.. for the wedding.. for everything. I can't.. freakin'.. wait.

Congratulations to two of the most wonderfuls ever! LOVE YOU BOTH!!!

xo | cmd

Thankful 2k12 : A Mini Novel

My mind is kind of all over the place with this one, so I ask in advance for your forgiveness in that regard.

First of all, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! This is one of my favorite holidays all around, primarily because of the whole family vibe, but definitely in part to the unrealistic amount of food consumed in the span of just a few hours.

I felt I should cover a few bases for Thanksgiving 2012, since this year is the segue to many more that will be very similar, if not even more removed than the current state.

*Sigh.

So the inescapably-abridged version of my current status looks a little something like this:

I am in the middle of a divorce. There. I said it. I hate to throw that boulder in the road right in the middle of Thanksgiving [of all times], but please trust me when I say I'll tie it all together.

Since I'm sure there are at least one or two questions about that statement, this is where I start incorporating the current with my overall gratitude on this holiday.

I married an incredible man. I still believe hat whole-heartedly about him. What? Well then why....? I know. It seems that, by default, we should be soaring right along in a life of marital bliss with the occasional hiccup. You'd be right to think that, but unfortunately it didn't turn out that way. I am not proud of the way things have turned out, and I don't endorse or support divorce [I hate that word, too]. Never did I intend on reaching the point of ultimate separation from the man to whom I pledged my entire life, but after years of praying and pleading for my heart to feel something I already knew had become foreign and intolerable, I caved to myself and made what I viewed as a courageous attempt to grant us both real happiness later in life. That we didn't work out will always haunt me in the sense that I should've weighed it on the front end much more closely than I did, made far more attempts to settle disputes as they came, and communicated better. Take that for what it is; I am just as guilty here. I am thankful for the experience as a whole, and as testing as it's been, I know we will both emerge on the other side as stronger people, better partners to the next who walk into our lives, and wiser parents.

The rest of this is pretty standard stuff....

I have a daughter for whom I'd not only die, but for whom I would give the world, the stars, and a planet if I ever discovered a way to wrangle one. There's something to be said about the love for and of a child that only eminates from a parent. Some of you know. Some of you, I hope one day will. It'll stand uncontested. End of story.

My family: words wouldn't do them justice. All I can say there is that I'm adopted, but that doesn't matter. I have a family rivaling most. We're quirky, dysfunctional and totally loving every minute of it.

My friends: Y O U guys & girls are a group to be ENVIED. I say that not because you're my friends, but because you are absolutely. freaking. amazing. I didn't ask for your support and I didn't expect you to be there when I fell off whatever pedestal of contentment I'd had for whatever time. You were there. You were supportive, and you were more than willing to love me for me in spite of my nuuuumerous imperfections. One of these days I'll return those favors. Until then, just know that I love you to the ends of the world and back. I'd be a blundering mess if it weren't for some of you, and literally dead or dying if it weren't for a few of you specifically. Thank you. I mean it.

My head spins sometimes when I think about the level of gratitude I have for the elements of my life - both the good, the bad, and shoot, even those that just seem to be neutrally supplemental. I'm one lucky girl, in spite of whatever you've heard ;)

xo | cmd

Diamonds & Delusions

I’m not bragging when I post this. Well, I am, but not in the way you’d be inclined to think. I know there are bigger, flashier rings out there. The thing is, I don’t like flashy, and if the circles on my finger were any bigger, I would feel pretentious. The ring on my hand and the man who gave it to me are both perfect, for me. ‘Nuff said.

♥

I’m not going to call this bragging. I’m going to call this an expression of pride in the blessings God has given me, my family, and my life. As a little girl, I was blessed with parents who taught me that the core of a marriage shouldn’t start with the seeds of materialism. Presents are fun, but they don’t offer an inkling of a substitute for raw emotion, genuine love, and unwavering loyalty. An object-focused lifestyle can only accommodate the body, not the soul. My parents showed me that truth. I know now that while the flowers are beautiful, the dinners out are delicious, and jewels are exquisite, there is nothing like knowing that the ring on my finger represents so much more than metal and gems.

Today, I’m sick. Literally. I have some sort of weird cold thing that won’t leave me alone, and so far hasn’t shown any mercy. My daughter is starting to get a runny nose, and my husband – my truly inspiring husband – is five states away working his tail off to make the cut for the Air Force Soccer team. It’s a little lonely here, but I don’t, for even a millisecond, have to second-guess the validity of my marriage. I’m blessed.

With this ring, we did wed.
With this ring, we did promise.

With this ring, we are leading our family.
With this ring, we dedicate our lives to being godly examples to each other and the world.
With this ring, we are: Mr. & Mrs. Dills.

Thank you to our parents, our friends, our church family, and those we’ve known at any point that are other outstanding examples of love’s power to dispel the material myths. You are inspiring to us, and we know that your blessings are a result of what you do and who you are.

*Just thought I would share.

xo | cmd