It's been over a month since I last published an entry on here. That doesn't sound like much, but I was the girl committed to myself in an effort to visit my e-journal daily, if for no other purpose than for revisiting it later on if I was curious as to what I was doing a year ago on whatever day. Yeah, that's a silly reason, I know, but if I told you it had never helped me out in a moment of memory lapse, well, that'd be a lie. So I've struggled with the big old first world problem of lack of blog time, over really the last year or so. It's more to me than just a blog, really, it's the idea of journaling in general that I've back-burnered all together. Over the past week though, I went out and purchased a composition notebook, and forced myself to sit in complete silence until something..anything.. came out of the pen.
And I realized that my busy schedule wasn't the only issue. I could literally only think of meatless, surface things to say. Don't get me wrong, that's not always a bad thing, but there exists a span of years: 28plus, to be exact - of my life in which I was an avid, consistent journaler, both on paper and then in an e-format as well. I favor at times blogging, because both my mind and my typing fingers partner together at about triple the speed of my writing fingers.
That's my backwards way of apologizing to an audience that I guarantee doesn't really care about the fact that I haven't been keeping up with my daily blogs. Let's face it, it's really not this big of a deal.. *wry laugh. #firstworldproblems #ijustusedahashtagoutsideofinstagram....#again.
Whatever. So UPDATES, huh? What the heck have I been doing?
Well, as I scrolled back through the handful of entries I made between June and mid-September, I think for the most part, life has been a blur, but of the same things on repeat: Sydni's soccer games and practices, work day in and day out, volleyball, road trips, family and friends as much as life allows these days.
OH, and yeah.. that little detail that we GOT MARRIED!
 |
| mr. & mrs. stokes | est 08 Oct 2016 |
Afterwards, we came home, back to real life, our house, our adult responsibilities, our dogs, our jobs and our life together now as a husband and wife. It is so similar to "before," and yet so different, which, if I'm honest, kinda baffles me, since our 'regular' life didn't really change. And yet... here I am, feeling more in love with this guy than I did yesterday, and a multitude of other sappy cliched amorous feelings toward my husband. Must be a newly-wed thing ;).
Then last week-ish, I stumbled across a list of Bible verses geared towards women, compiled [careful not to say written.. haha] by a Marisa Donnelly, on ThoughtCatalog.com, a website I'd literally never heard of before. She'd tracked down 27 verses that had spoken to her - after reading it, it's actually 26, but one of them was listed twice in two different translations. It hit me that in the past, any seasons of writer's block I experienced were more easily dissuaded when I turned back to Scripture and opened my heart and mind to whatever application was tied to my life - in all its mess & beauty.
So I've arrived now at the reason I finally opened the blog today. I have a renewed sense of reason and purpose to be on here, and I'm excited for it. I wanted to go down Marisa's list of verses, one at a time, one-a-day, and remind myself why I needed that verse, that day. We'll see if that holds true; while I read through the entire list once, I don't have it memorized, so each day will be something of a surprise, I guess?
And five novels later [sorry], here we go:
Psalm 46:5 - God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. (NIV)
Sidenote: For those of you who've never cracked open a Bible before, I implore you to maybe find a Christian - a real-life, imperfect, broken, compassionate, every day Christian - and just... get to know them. Sure, some of the Bible is daunting, and at first glance might look like a manuscript of rules and regulations, but I can assure you, there is so. much. more to it. And If I happen to be that really screwed up, sin-ridden but undeservedly-loved Christian you need to talk to, you let me know.. and I'll let you know just how normal you probably are ;)! Adversely, for those of you who have this postered all over your house on everything from wall decals to coffee mugs, well, it's a good one.
Not the first time I've seen this verse, and it's admittedly not one of my "go-to's," either. It does however, apply in more than one way. See, at first glance, this is one of those lines that I see all over the place, usually in the context of an encouragement card or confidence boost for someone facing a difficult time. It carries that kind of absolute hope & strength of God's steadfast support for when we are tripping over ourselves and other people on our way to not drowning in hard times. It's [ok, most of these are, if I remember.. ] a feel-good verse for sure, and I'll admit I've leaned on it once or twice over the years.
BUT, as I re-read it today to start this mini-series of my own, I realized that I personally will draw more depth from this if I remember that it applies to me on my very.best.day.EVER... as well as the days I feel like melted plastic. Seriously though: The past week and a half have been ah-mazing - work has gone smoothly, our home life has felt renewed since the wedding, we've had good fortune with cars and house and pets and kid and health and aaaall the pieces have just fallen into and stayed securely in place. And I wake up feeling positive about the little piece of time I have in this world, to recall this verse - this promise that the Lord of all creation is also with me?! To be not reminded, but re-assured, really, that He loves me.. loves my husband, loves my family, my marriage, my well-being and my mission as a human to share His calibur love? That HE is the timeless source of love, life and real, unfiltered happiness.. and that same HE.. has chosen to be with ME, and ensure that I do not fall farther than He can reach? Y'll.... just... y'all... Nobody deserves that kind of love, but the fact that we have it is pa-lenty reason to at least make an effort at a good day.
And the effects of that realization on the good days are what will sustain me on those particularly bad days, when the ship sinks and I'm blind in dark waters with a piece of the sail stuck to my face. I've been there, you've been there, we've all been ugly crying over life & loss at some point. To fully download this verse in that moment, in the storm, really is impressive if I think about it... usually if I'm inconsolable, I'm.. well, inconsolable. You could read me every song in the book and my human sarcasm might take over, will it away as I might try. BUT, give me this guy on a day when I'm clear-headed, and it'll add to the emergency reserve I'll need when the rain comes.
I don't know if today's a good day, or a bad day for you, or if you've got a well-balanced mix of them like I do. I don't know if you're here reading this because you're in a dry spell of bad luck, nasty people and pressure to fix things out of your control, or if you're sailing through reading this because you were curious. Or, if anyone's reading this at all. I said earlier that really, these are for tomorrow me to come back and read, when the time is right and I need reminded that a little thread of lucidity did exist that one time on a Friday. But wherever you are, and whatever season you're in, I'm pretty sure we could all use a little encouragement, to fill the tank.
Happy WEEKEND, blogbots.
xo | cms <<< and that's new, too.. yiee!
