Back to Reality

I came back to work today, strangely enough ready to get back. The sense of familiarity and normality was oddly comforting in its own way, and when I sat down at my desk for the first time at 7:15 today, I almost felt refreshed. Go figure.

It helped that everything I'd ordered in recent online shopping ventures was delivered in my absence, and sat neatly stacked in a pile on my desk for me: Dad's birthday present, a couple of decals I needed, some of Sydni's LoomBand accessories and these!

color run swag! ;) 

^^ Nevermind that I ordered them on Monday of last week and paid extra for 2-DAY SHIPPING; that's something I'll deal with later. I'd been confident I would receive them by Friday, in time for the actual event, but after having attended, the likelihood of my actually having worn them was about 0%, so minus the extra $6 for expedited delivery, I'm not really that mad. After this weekend, I've determined there are far fewer battles worth fighting, anyway. So yay, CR gear! :)

I was surprised at how non-confrontational the day was; it seemed as though God had specifically instructed the forces that be to remain at bay, for fear of my total unraveling as I clawed my way through switching gears from the weekend's events to life at my desk.

[image cred: instagram @pocketfuel]

Still baffled by the smoothness of the day, I gratefully accepted Jessica's invitation to dinner, but not before we met up with her to pick up the newest addition to her studio:

rower rower come on over! 

I'll see this little guy the next time I'm there at her studio!

So dinner it was, and lounge it is now. We're ready for FRIDAY!!

xo | cmd

Talk To Me, Pinterest

We're leaving for Illinois tomorrow, and today was one of those fast forward days that didn't seem to stop even for a moment. It was an early morning at work, a rapid fire day at work, and then straight to the hour+ roundtrip to get Sydni and come home.

It was one of those days that tested my sanity and showed me that my patience extends further than sometimes I've even been able to believe.

It's days like this when I [and excuse me in advance for how cheesy this is going to sound] find myself clicking through Pinterest to find some additional inspiration. I told you it was cheesy. BUT, it worked, and I thought I'd share some of them with you, my fellow blogbots... in case you're in need of some additional oompf today:

First - get your mind right. If the world is fine, don't reinvent the day by creating your own problems, drama or dischord! The right outlook from us, starts with us.

This one has resonated with me tenfold over the past several months. As patient as I try to be, I've always found root in this principle. As I attended a soccer camp some odd years ago, one of the evening motivational speakers said to us that in her history as a player, the best and most respected players she knew were the ones who very rarely had to vocalize their successes or abilities. They demonstrated it instead, which left impressions far more powerful than just words. I love that. Either BE it or don't, but either way, just DO something and stop telling me all about whether or not you do it, are it, or [insert verb here] it.

More lighthearted on this one. As an adult, I find the struggle here more often than I dismiss it, especially when my plate gets cluttered with the responsibilities of adulthood:work, parenting, bills, social obligations, etc. Thankfully, I have a five-year-old who is constantly reminding me that wonder is an ageless, timeless thing that is essential to our survival - at any stage.

It got crazy today, and in a few select moments, I know that I let the pressure get the best of me. This is a memo to myself, on days like this... in moments like that. Be still, self. Just... listen. 

A reminder to myself that regardless of how the world around me - and those in it - choose to function, adhering to this myself is nobody's responsibility but mine, and it should be one that I actively choose to make each and every single day. Can you imagine if we all made strives for the greatness of glorification of the God who made us, and for each other, rather than for our own often-depraved agendas? #fantasyworld

Lastly, this one. There were several others that seemed so much more cleverly-worded, philosophical, more eloquent, more visually enticing, whatever... but I saw this one and realized that it's the exact opposite of what my human brain wants to do on days like this. It is the exact opposite of what I want to do, but the exact thing I need to do. Amen? Amen.

It's days... like... this.... just breathe. :)

I read those again a few times, and then looked up to my own life here in this moment, right now:

I am home. I am here, present in this moment and proud of the simple little life that I'm blessed to be a part of. Love & light, from us to you.

Happy Thursday!

xo | cmd

Calming My Heart: The Instagram Way

Something inside me started digging today. It's a culmination of my life at work [which has seen smoother days] and the anticipation of the trip I'm taking in a few short weeks. My mind was restless this morning, unable to focus and stay grounded. I felt like my thoughts were disconnected, scattered and agitated.

It wasn't until I stopped everything and went to Google. I was thankful today for the readily-available plethora of soothing, hipster-printed quotes, verses and adages, aesthetically designed for people going through a moment just like mine this morning. I'm not usually a sucker for posting pre-made artsy renditions of these things, but today it was what my heart needed to re-locate its pace and get me off of the spiritual arrhythmia I was experiencing.

Let me break this down:

When my flustered, bumbling fingers hit the keyboard in search of some small ounce of peace, this is the first thing that popped up:

Oh. Well, okay then.
Deep breaths.. in... and out. Repeat. Now focus, read, download, absorb.

Much of my immediately recent anxiety has been the product of my job. Before I go any further, let me be clear that I absolutely love what I do. I feel that I've been called to do this work, at least for now, and have no intentions of changing gears in that regard. However, just like most jobs, there are patches of turbulence, and it's safe to say that my team and I are in the midst of one of those now. It has been a steady bubble of activity that I have let cloud my resolve and on some days, allow seeds of resentment and bitterness to fester. Try as I may, there are days when my head and heart are exhausted by it all, and I am left to face an 8-hour day without the joy and passion that I know really exist in my work.

^ That showed up on my screen, and the first emotional response I had was guilt.

Guilt. 

I'm not perfect, ya'll. I struggle with forgiveness, maybe not in a long-term capacity, but oftentimes the ability to forgive someone for something within the immediate period of time following what I've deemed an offense... just doesn't exist. I grapple with this a lot, and today I had a heart check that pushed me straight into a prayer. A desperate prayer for forgiveness, and to give forgiveness. I know that when I forgive others, I forgive myself. It's not up to me to decide who is and isn't worthy of truly being forgiven, but it is my responsibility to let go and LET GOD.

^Ok, ok.. I know.. That one's really cliche, I know. BUT, it's true. I had to recalibrate big time this morning. I had to remember that while it seems as though I'm just on repeat most days [while I'm in the moment, at least], the bigger picture has always been, is and will continue to be a reflection of culminating works, actions, responses and growth. It's not just another day, even though this morning was a prime example of me approaching it that way. I was actively pushing back against the stresses of my morning with a malicious spirit, rather than breathing in the fact that I'd done nothing to earn this entirely brand new day I'd been given. I don't have a religion. I have a relationship with the God I love, so what am I so stinkin' concerned about?!

And then I boiled down to the next thing causing ripples. This trip to Panama.
But it's a missions trip, Cori... Why is that a bad thing?!

Well, it's not [a bad thing]. It's not at all. What it is though, is something that takes me out of my comfort zone. It's one of those things in life that presents us with a wide range of response options: fear, resistance, placidity, tolerance, acceptance, embracing..... or any combination of those.

It's funny how something new can elicit a whole bunch of emotional responses that we didn't see coming, and oftentimes [as in my case today] don't even recognize until we're knee [or kneck..] deep in them.

I am always amazed at just how quickly my attitude and energy changes when I intentionally channel my focus into a simple but deliberate chain of positive and encouraging thought. As I processed through each of these things separately this morning, I felt my mood and general approach to it all starting to lighten. I felt more relaxed, less anxious. I felt more patient, less agitated. I felt more receptive to whatever the day [& people in it] had for me, and less dreading of those same things.

I could physically feel my heart slowing. I felt my hands convert from clenched fingers to palms with light fingers. I realized that I was forcefully smashing together the small and big pictures of my life as it currently sits, as opposed to allowing the two to compliment each other and cross paths when it was due. I am preparing for an international mission trip, but I also have a daily mission here at home.. and they're not that different when you strip away the travel, preparation and itinerary: Love God, Love People.. Show Light & Show Hope. I am built [we all are!] to do those things.. so...

^ Send me. Send my soul, my heart & my mind. Locally and internationally. Here I am. Send me.

Just so you know, the rest of my day didn't just magically poof into a smooth sail after my mini meltdown and re-calibration this morning. The events of the last several months and whatever people involved didn't just fall down at my feet to cater to my vision of a well-oiled operation. The grind of activity that is standard daily didn't change. There were a couple of 10-15 minute spans dotted throughout the day that actually highlighted the stresses of what we do. They were there to challenge my resolve. To strengthen my endurance, and teach me a thing or two about patience and grace. No, my day didn't warp into a fairy tale. What changed was my attitude.

I am daily reminded to let go, and let God. Worry doesn't provide any benefit to our bodies or minds, let alone to our souls. It's not fair to sit and stress about what is coming. I'm not saying I don't want to be prepared to handle whatever it is that's coming; I'm not saying that at all. I hope I've not conveyed advocacy of cavalier, reckless and without direction approach to life or circumstance, because that's not what I'm encouraging. What I am saying is that we should work daily, in whatever small ways we can to prepare our hearts and minds so that when life does hand us those things, we can react with grace, endurance and love.

And for myself and any of you out there who find yourselves at the bottom of the barrel in whatever it is, here's this:

Saying that it's never too late actually isn't true. When we're dead, then it's too late, yes. However until then, why do we allow ourselves to believe that change isn't possible? It takes a full commitment, yes, but it's possible. It is possible to reconstruct whatever part of us has been broken. The key is making sure we separate our broken pieces from what it was that broke us in the first place, and be intentional not to use both in the reconstruction.

Whew. Thanks for bearing with me, if you did actually manage all the way through my little mini-sermon. This, as most if not all of my blog entries, was written more for myself than anyone else, but if you were encouraged at all by it, then I am happy all over again. I'll leave it in the universe, with the rest of these entries for the taking :).

That being said, every solid sermon ends with a call to action.

Self, here's yours. Quit sitting around in whatever rut of self-pity has taken over you in whatever situation you're working through. Life is not guaranteed, and every decision you make produces a consequence, be it good or bad.

So..

1. STOP what you're doing & just... BE STILL. 

2. GIVE THANKS & ask for what you need through PRAYER. 

3. GET UP and DO SOMETHING about it :) 

Love, gratitude & honor to you all, blogbots!

xo | cmd

& I Did NOTHING Today

and it was amazing.

Okay, I might be lying a little. I didn't compleeeetely waste the day; I got some cleaning done and started scouting for a pub-style kitchen table. I didn't have much success in that regard today, but I've got some ideas.

In the interest of continuing the transformation of my little home, I made a trip to Marshall's and picked up two storage bins for a decorative yet functional project I've been doing at the house.

my mission for the day.... haha

I succeeded in getting everything done that I'd planned for the day, what little there really was, at my own leisure. It was fantastic. I had so much extra time at my disposal that I got myself wrapped up into laughing over some first world problems with practical solutions that a friend shared via the fabuloso world-a wide-a webbbbb....

What do you think about those? I don't know that I'd go so far as to line my toilet seat with tube socks, but hey, to each his own.. haha. I do think some of the other ideas are pretty practical, and might even try them one of these days. [Sure... reality says I'll probably add that to a wish-list of actions along withy my bajillion Pinterest ideas, but whatev...]

Anywho, I'm not doin' a single thing tonight and uhhh, that's the way, UH HUH, UH HUH... I liiiike it!

Who says these weekends always have to be chaotic?? ;)

xo | cmd

Midnights of Heth

hebrew letter heth

For the past few weeks, our Wednesday night Bible study focus has been geared at moving through Psalm 119. Last night we covered v.57-64, also referred to as the Hebrew letter Heth.

As with each of our study group sessions, there are always in attendance at least two different insights and perspectives on various scripture readings. We took our time dissecting this one last night, and I got to thinking a lot about what was said.

Some interesting notes:

v. 57-59: The word promise is used twice, in two separate contexts. First, the psalmist's promise to God to obey His word, and the second in regards to the promise which He has made to us. We spent a few moments in discussion over the human capacity to actually make a promise to God, and to what degree our caution should be in making such a gaurantee. It was tossed out that, in reading forward a couple verses, the psalmist here is reflecting on his current life, situation, and spiritual state, and therefore proclaiming his endeavor to follow the word and comply with the Lord's teachings. Additionally, it was also noted that this psalmist is an old testament figure, thus the concept of salvation was achieved by keeping the written laws and looking forward to Christ's sacrifice. This is in contrast to new testament salvation, which is achieved now by keeping the written laws and looking back at the sacrifice made.

v. 60-62: This was the portion of the passage that struck a particular chord for me. In 61, the psalmist describes the ensnarement of himself by the wicked as being bound by ropes, and declares his unwavering remembrance of his Lord's law. The footnotes in my Bible explained this [ropes] as being oppressed by the world in which we live, which is, by nature, a fallen world. There wasn't much debate over the contextual interpretation of either v.60 or 61, but 62 opened a door to me. In this verse, the psalmist states his dedication in adhering to the written law, even at midnight. There's where it started getting tricky.

First it was translated [by a group member] that midnight was referring to its most literal translation as a point in time during which the psalmist was rising [awaking] to give praise. Interestingly enough, that insight caught me offguard; the first thing that hit my mind was that midnight was alluding to a period of life, a time of darkest hours. I gathered and defended that point by including v. 61 and tying the two together contextually. My mind read that as, the world will attempt to discourage me, many times succeeding for a period, but in those darkest hours, I will praise you.



'hope that stems from midnight' | anonymous



Perhaps it's because I spent the majority of my college tenure immersed in different styles of literature, digging by instruction in every direction for literal or figurative translation of what I had read. I had learned to process every sentence with an objective frame of mind, and that there is usually just a fraction of an entire piece that is not open for interpretation. [i.e. - the crucifixion, resurrection, etc. are absolutely non-negotiable in reading the Bible. Other things, like the midnight reference currently being mentioned, lend more room for personal comprehension.] The whole revelation of midnight hours sent me thinking into some of the darkest times in my life, and the dark hours I've either seen happening in the lives of friends or family, and all the national/global events, natural disasters, and wars that have made such deep historical marks on our world. One of the things we always hear during the coping process after an altering event or series of events is the immediate response of those in prayer. Strangers rally together to pray for others, for their country, for their world. It's midnight somewhere, and God is there.

I like that. It's comforting.

It's midnight somewhere, and God is there.

Not 'but God is there,' rather 'and God is there.' Dark hours will find us somehow, sometime, some way. That doesn't change for a second the fact that God is there all the time. He knows that our midnights will confuse and discourage us, and He also knows that all that will be left at that point is Him. He's there, and he's waiting.

I'm carrying that with me today. I just thought I'd share.

xo | cmd