It's Uhh, Raining... Let's Cook.

Andi told us yesterday that our area would be under a flood warning until sometime on Friday. We had a hard time initially believing that since there wasn't a cloud in the sky when she said it.

..... We live in the midwest. Why would I have thought the weather would be temperamental??! It rained today. It rained a lot today. I came across a few pictures from friends who live down on the air force base; apparently there are several places in the area that look this way today. My thoughts go out to everyone who's been affected by flooding. It's been one heck of a week.

whoa. flood.

It was a craaazy busy day at work, which is no surprise. We managed to capture Linda in a moment of song, though, and that definitely brightened the day. It's a shame we never caught footage of her and I doing a duet on this song, but I really don't enjoy videos of myself all that much as it is, so this was just fine ;)

Work aside, I made a stop at the store to grab a few things and headed back to the house. Rob got off work early today, so he was already there. I made a start into dinner, as promised yesterday: stuffed peppers. It's been a long time since I've made these, and it's a different recipe than I'd used before, so I admit I was a little nervous. They came out just fine though; I have to admit, I was pretty proud of them ;) 

potatoes & peppers... yummm

Not too bad! And to follow it up, cookies! One of the guys at Rob's work was selling cookie dough for his kid, so we opted for a random baking session to round out the evening. I've gotta hand it to him, this boy's quite the baker. Oh, and SHOUTS to Kanice for the awesome ninjabread men cookie cutters! We put them to good use!

ninjabread men!

We had some photobooth fun, too. [//edit! I promised to add a few of the photobooth goodies. It's more like, a couple - two exactly, to be precise. Oh well. You'll be okay]

what...? 

.... you thought these were gonna be normal? ;) 

xo | cmd

Love. Shameless. Real = Shamelessly REAL Love.

I’m feeling especially grateful today. Bear with me.

There were a few different ways I thought to approach this; the first would have been cautiously, for the sake of prying, nosy eyes, and the other for the benefit of self-expression and the reality that I no longer have to hide behind any sort of façade for the benefit of the aforementioned [chew on that]. I’ve earned a hard-fought degree in lessons recently on shielding myself from reality, and shielding reality from those around me who would rather spread a headline than read it.

That being said, it’s my hope that I’ll look back at this some time from now and remember the way I felt when I finally started to discover that part of myself that I’d reserved for only myself, for far too long. There are bits and pieces of my emotional state that I let show, but in filtered segments and surely diluted. More often than not, I was 110% guilty of smiling when I wanted to scream, laughing when I wanted to cry, and volunteering my participation into whatever event or activity was presented, when everything in me was protesting... begging me to retreat into solitude. A lot of people call that a people-pleaser. That was me. So yeah, I was pretty fake.

We can all identify with the quality of fake things. Knock-off product brands rarely hold up to their genuine competition, manufactured additions we add to our bodies are constantly requiring attention or maintenance, …. And when was the last time a TOY replica of anything was able to compete with the real thing? Why was I really all that surprised that my pretending to be happy with a life that only partially satisfied me would last?

  

Today, for some reason, I feel like celebrating. Not the throw-a-party kinda thing, but an honest, earnest expression of gratitude for the place I find myself in right now.

Here’s the thing:

I am moving back to Ohio in less than 3 weeks, for the sake of my family [Sydni]. It’s a move that has me both excited and anxious: Sydni will have both of her parents within earshot, thus eliminating the 6-hr trip that we’re both making to do biweekly exchanges. For that reason alone, I’m propelled enough to tackle the gritty tasks of coordinating housing, lining up a job, and getting everything packed up for transfer back to Cincinnati. On the flip side of that, I’ll be leaving a job here that I love, friends I’ve come to respect and adore, and a boyfriend who has been nothing but honest, real and supportive of my journey through not just my repair process, but more importantly the intense brokenness that came before it. Aside from my coworkers and a small handful of friends who’ve bothered to stick around, I’ve started to mend at the hands of Sydni, the love of my life… and Rob: the boyfriend and confidante who has reminded me how valuable -- and rare -- balanced relationships really are.  

inspired: to be a mother. a better mother. daily.
inspired: to be a companion. a better companion. daily.

Kids, I may be far behind schedule on learning the trick to this life thing, but the way I’ve got it figured, it’s never too late to discover yourself…. Or in my case, to acknowledge and follow it.

You'll never catch me claiming to be flawless. I’ve made more mistakes than I care to list, and I’ve hurt more people than I ever should have. At the same time, I haven’t put nearly enough effort into defending myself against the stones that anyone may’ve cast not just in my general direction, but at my head. The way I see it, there’s a certain pride I've never been able to shake; it dictates that I choose my battles wisely and my confrontations even more scarcely. Quite frankly, I see no point in lashing back against people who slander only to justify themselves. Plain and simple. The problem that I face with that is that my silence is more often than not mistaken as an admission of guilt to whatever accusation is on the table. 

“If she has nothing to say, clearly she’s guilty.”

 Okay.

This is the beauty of self-discovery. You realize so much about yourself and you know the truth to the rumors. At the end of the day, you’ll sleep just fine knowing that the bloated proportions in which those around you choose to meddle are just that: bloated, exaggerated and positioned to solicit pity. The irony in it is that I pity more the blinded minds that accept things at face value without investing an inch of effort to educate themselves on the full story. I pity anyone, myself included [because I've done it] who follows the claims of any one source without regard to fact. If it's drama we're after, well... call me indifferent if you will, but quite frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn.

The weird part is, right now, I’m faced with coordinating a relocation two states away, remotely. I have little time to finalize everything, and even less time to squeeze in for the people who’ve made such an impact on me for the time I’ve been here. I’ll be moving closer to the one person who fooled even my critical eye for far too long, and starting from scratch on a job. ALL THAT BEING SAID, I feel more blessed than ever even in circumstance. I am stressed, but I am happy.

Let me repeat: I am stressed, but I AM HAPPY.

Crazy, isn’t it?  I look back to my life pre-discovery, some 6-8 months ago and realize I had very few actual cares to tend to, but save for my daughter, I was otherwise the unhappiest I have ever been, ever. Now, in a state of complete flux and minimally-managed chaos, I am more content than I've been in a long time. I am anxious, yes. Worried? No. Fearful of the future? Not anymore. Oh, the volumes....

……………………………………… *Sigh.

Here’s a letter I wrote to myself…. 

turning a new leaf. i'm ready.

I titled this entry the way I did because I am finally acknowledging to both myself and anyone who cares to listen, that I am me. I am imperfect, but healing and learning daily at the hands of my creator, held accountable by family, and held in place by friends. I am shamelessly honest with myself and now with those around me. I will follow His direction as best I can, and I'll love every day knowing the next isn't promised. The wolves can only get me if I let them, but I've filled my schedule.... that'll have to wait. 

I love my Lord, my Savior.
I love my daughter.
I love my friends.
I love my boyfriend.
And I love my life. I don't deserve an inch of it.

Moral of the story, folks:
Be REAL. Be HONEST. BE SHAMELESS.
Love yourself, and love others. It’ll change your life.

xo | cmd

The Express Circus



training mode! ;)

Today I made the announcement to my office that I’ll be leaving.

I hate these kinds of things. I want to be sure to recognize the silver lining in spite of my leaving; the fact that Linda and Ali were both crying reminded me of just how much it means to me , to have them as coworkers and friends. We’ve been through a lot at this office, and I’ll never forget the ways we leaned on each other.

That being said, WELCOME KYLE! The newest addition to the team, and the first male staffing consultant in quite some time to be added to this staff. Kyle’s great, and I have absolutely no doubt even after just a few days of working with him that he’ll become a great mesh to this place and will become a force to be reckoned with on the job. I can safely say I feel confident in leaving behind some of my favorite, valued clients in his care.

Andi made this, in his honor … haha..

Meanwhile, there were other sweet perks involved in the day:
Diana made cupcakes, for starters. Nobody hates cupcakes. (:



sweet treat from a sweet boss!

Rob & I finished off the day with a late dinner at Olive Garden. We've been on a good stretch of balancing eating in and eating out; tomorrow it's stuffed peppers at the house [I promised Rob], so stay tuned to see if those actually turn out the way they were supposed to... haha..

For tonight though, it was SALAD.. and some pasta. (:

Not a bad day.. not a bad day.

xo | cmd

#RUNFORBOSTON.

Today.....

I got sick to my stomach [again] realizing that our world continues to crumble at the hands of us, its people.

Rob sent me a text halfway through what was a furiously busy day, asking me if I'd heard about the explosion at the Boston Marathon. I hadn't had time so far today to so much as get out of my chair, let alone log on to facebook or any other media outlet for the overwhelming flood of feed related to what happened today.

When I did, I was rocked. I'm still speechless, and even now that the day is over, I can't bring myself to watch some of the video feeds that have been posted today, and the pictures are making me physically naseous.

This was the 117th Boston Marathon, dedicated specifically to the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary. From what I've read so far, there was an explosion near the finish line, and the casualties are mounting as more critically injured people are losing the fight for their lives. I'm sick. SICK to see this.

Please don't misinterpret me: I am not detracting from the gravity of any other violent act against innocent people, but for today, for BOSTON, for these people who invested themselves into not only a memorial cause, but into a grueling 26.2 mile race, my heart breaks. This is such an inspiring event in so many ways, and to see it thwarted by violence forces me to breathe deeply and remember that there are still good people in this world. As a runner, I could only hope one day to qualify for the Boston, and if I ever do, trust me, I'll be there.

I saw this one a friend's Instagram, captured originally from a Twitter page, and I had to share:

inspired.

That being said, I just signed up to donate tomorrow for the ARC. I suggest if you are willing and able, GO GIVE BLOOD!

** My thoughts, my prayers, my heartache ...everything... go out to Boston tonight. I absolutely cannot imagine the thrill of running the Boston Marathon [you have to qualify for that, folks], and be faced with that. I've caught glimpses of different antecdotes throughout the day from friends and family, posting their take on the events today. What fuels my faith in humanity is the resilience of people who rally together in the wake of tragedies like this. I'm still broken that these things come to the headlines so frequently, but I pray for the healing, peace and hope for those involved.

One last thing:

you. won't. stop. us.

Love others, and love yourselves, friends.
We shouldn't have to be reminded of that through tragedies like this, but if we're going to take anything away from it, let it be a positive thing.

xo | cmd

Out & About (:

outdoor running ... (: 

Rob was out with some of his friends last night, so I took off on my own endeavors this morning. The first stop was Cornerstone, with DeShawn, Joey & Tim to watch Ali in her rotation on the praise team. [Yeah, girl!!] Once church was out, I bypassed lunch to get a head start on some more housecleaning, spring cleaning, life cleaning, if you will. I handed off a jewelry hutch to Ali in efforts to lighten my collection of random furniture, before donating some more stuff at Goodwill.

fitz's!

I laced up the Asics for the first outdoor run of the season, too. It was kind of a spur of the moment deal, but I got 2.5 miles out of it and managed to not get hit by any renegade gravel or debris from the train that passed by. It felt great, but I've got a long way to go before I'm even close to where I was last year.

Rob made his way down to the house after a bit; we made a break for St. Louis for lunch at Fitz's. We ended up missing DeShawn by less than 15 minutes, coincidentally, but for what it's worth, lunch was delicious. The creme soda wasn't awful, either (:

Once we'd had our fill of fun at the Loop, we made a stop off in Granite at Rob's dad's house for a few minutes. I made some new friends ;) I've always said lapcats are the best... haha. 

boxer, or 3-lb lapcat? he doesn't know... he doesn't know..

What can I say? I've always loved big goofy dogs, so much so that I'd let a 50-lb boxer cuddle up on my lap like he was a kitten. It made me laugh.

From there, we took a zigzagged route home as we drove around scouting out some more properties for Rob to consider renting. Eventually we made it home, where we are now, relaxing. I'm starting to fade, so I'm pretty sure this is gonna be an early night. I'm okay with that. (:

You know what else?
I am in love... with this guy. It's been a busy day [a busy weekend, really...], but I feel like I should throw a quick reminder out to all the other girls like me [and guys, too, I guess] who have someone like I do. I might have forgotten along the way exactly how it feels to be appreciated by someone for who I am, too, and not for someone -- or something -- that another person wants me to become. It's refreshing, and rare. Honestly, I'm not sure if he even checks this blog much, but that doesn't change how awesome he is, and how thankful I am for him. My fellow blogbots, if that's you, count your blessing & let them know! ♥
 

i. love. you.

Here's the work week... let's make it a good one!

xo | cmd

Tag-Along Cori

Hey, weekend (:



gateway powder coating

Rob and I set out early to go check out a property he'd found. Needless to say, it was beyond being a bust. This was more like a train wreck on top of another train wreck, complete with a janky video surveillance camera on the back deck secured to its stand with duct tape. Winning............ 

Anyway, once that was done, we headed off into Granite to Dillon's. Then it was to Kyle's to get his trailer, and then...... The rest of the day was spent helping [well, not so much helping on my part as much as just tagging along and being the way..lol :p] Dillon get the tower for his boat from the powder coating place over in Missouri, tote it back to IL, and start the process of readying his boat for the season.  


So yeah, I felt a little guilty for my complete lack of participation for most of the day, outside of just riding along and making sure nobody stole the trailer, the truck, or me lounging in the backseat of the truck parked in a private parking lot...while the boys were inside and I hung back in the cab. I know, I had a hard task. I may or may not have taken a 5-minute power nap. I don't think I'll really even ever know. Haha. 

kick back in the lifted chevy on a sunny day? sold.

Here's a prime example of how much help I was today:  

as you can see, i'm doing the bulk of the work here... : / [joking]

Anyway..... lol. Once things were wrapped up with the tower, and we [long story truncated] came to the collective decision that Steak & Shake is not meant to be eaten sober, we headed back to Granite and the boys dropped me at my car. I headed home and packed my afternoon full of Goodwill donation runs, errands, and cleaning. Yeah, Saturday. I did hear the boat got some work done for the day, though...

nicely done, boys

Eventually, Rob finished up, so I headed back out to get him; we came back home and before long he was back out the door for a night with his friends. I resigned myself to some overdue laundry and hanging out with the lady of the house [not Sydni, but only because she's not here], Stella. We partied, clearly.

sorry for partyrockin..... ;)

Not a bad start to the weekend!

xo | cmd

[Video Blog] FRIIIIIIIIIIDAY!

It's FRIDAY! [Hallelujahhhhh]

I'm in girl mode today. When I say that, what I really mean is that I've been a little more emotional lately than what's typically me. Well, maybe not even emotional.. let's call it sentimental. It's scary, I know. Whatever. I'll have my moments just like everyone else, I suppose. I saw this today and thought naturally of Rob, so I sent it on over. I'll share it with the class, since I'm sure one of you out there finds this applicable, too ;)


just a couple of weirdos... love. yep :)

I went on a video splurge today. Ya'll know that every once in a while, I come across a video either by my own random scouring, or by proxy whenever someone else shares/posts one. This was one of those days. It's a pretty random assortment, but that's my favorite part of it. I'm known to be somewhat of a random person, so I guess it fits.

So.... without further delay, here's some of the gems I found today.
ENJOY.

Told you. (: Happy weekend, folks. I'm off to Bindy's with this boyfriend of mine. Have a safe & happy Friday!
xo | cmd