My Friend Ali

It's Wednesdayyyy! For me it means that it's Thursday [or, if you were here reading yesterday, my Monday #4, haha]; I'll be outta here on Friday with Kara, en route to Lexington to meet Kalyn, and onward to Nashville to celebrate Britt's last few weeks as a single woman. It's gonna be an adventure, I'm sure of it.

In the meantime, my friend Ali messaged me earlier today asking for my weigh-in on her most recent blog post. Not for content, but for grammar, etc. We chatted over it, but I felt compelled to forward her message to the rest of whatever miniature population actually comes here to read this ol' blog of mine.

This is one of my best friends. Her name is Ali, and she's amazing:

circa nov 2015 || ali & cori

Ya'll, if you don't have a friend like Ali, don't stress. I'm pretty sure there are very few out there like her, and if you do have one like her, then count yourself among the few and understand what a blessing those die-hard friends really are in your life. Ali's the friend who is there when you're happy, when you're sad, irritated, elated, falling apart or celebrating something big, visiting town for just a few hours or having a birthday. She will drive hours to see a friend, make arrangements to be sure she has time to spend with those close to her, and is truly selfless in ways most of us can only pretend to be. She loves Jesus, her family & friends, her job, good food and laughing. I mean, what more could you ask for out of a best friend?

I'm saying all that to say that if and when you read her post, I'd love for you to see it from the lens of her friend - someone who doesn't see her as a plus size, or whatever other size she is now or ever will be. If you've ever been around someone for a while who doesn't fit whatever "normal" mold we've constructed, you'll know what I mean - it's not to say that Ali was ever in any category like that for me, but at some point, you stop seeing a physical stranger and start relating to people based on who they are and how they contribute to your life.

Back to the [her] point: It's so easy for us to get sucked into the weight debate, whether it's our own bodies, celebrity standards [photoshopped, OFTEN, keep in mind] or whatever other metric we use to graph ourselves in relation to body image.

READ THE FULL ENTRY HERE

I'll let her entry speak for itself; she's got a good point, for me and for anyone else out there who's been struggling with body image in any way, shape or form. Let me be the first to say that YOU, yes YOU out there, whoever you are, are in fact fearfully and WONDERFULLY made, so have faith in yourself.

You're enough. You're more than enough. You and I were created as complicated, imperfect and beautiful beings, put here for the purpose of bonding with each other and bringing glory to the God who put us here.

If you're the 11-year-old girl back home who's been damaging her body as an outlet to vent the hurt and emotional abuse that's being inflicted on you by your peers [you know who you are], I need and want you to hear this, especially. You might not be "plus size," so the specific argument of weight doesn't apply to you, BUT, I know you're hurting, and that much of that stems from the demonized image of your own body that's being constructed by those around you, NOT because that is what you are. 

Friends, foes, bloggers and anyone else who stumbles onto this today:

You are beautiful, and there's not other reason other than it's a perfectly good Wednesday to remind you of that. Stay true to yourself and share the love with someone else today. ♥

Ali, I love you, friend - thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me and with the world!
P.S. - Ashley Graham is gorgeous, but I'm thankful for you as my friend!!

xo | cmd 

Once Upon a Hiatus [31]

Oy.

So as I sit here in front of my blog for the first time in nearly 3 months, I have mixed emotions. I've been completely resigned from my previously diligent daily scribbling here, a point I didn't intentionally make, but it happened. It'll be to my own chagrin when I try and look back at my activity on a specific day, but hey, whatever.. :)

I turned 31 on Sunday. That carves the first full year of my 30's in stone, and had I in my teen years set any idea of what I believed my 30's would be, I'm not sure this would've been it. A lot has happened since the last time I sat down at a computer outside of my day job. I've not penned a memo here since August; that means nothing to what small, general audience bothers to come here, but I realized that this blog has become my crutch for determining exactly what I did or where I was on any given date within the past 3-4 years. This is, after all, a journal of sorts.

So as I reach back into the past 3 months in an effort to chronicle the memorable moments, what I managed to find looks a bit like this:

[[august2015]]

* We celebrated birthdays of family and friends: My father - the staple of our family. Shayne - a friend we met serendipitously along with his wife in Jamaica. My cousin Maricor - one of my first and truest best friends.
* Just in time for a new school year, Sydni lost her first tooth and we had the first visit from the tooth fairy! She's a lucky kid; the tooth fairy's in an economic hotspot; that $2 reward is a far cry from the fare we as 90's kids saw ;).
* Sydni started first grade. It was a momentous day for her, and an emotional one for us. We're entrenched in another year of intellectual and social development, wishing all the while that time would slow down and we could relish the drooly, babbly wobbly-legged darling that has somehow began blossoming into a spunky, unique, charismatic and compassionate child who has a budding social circle and homework.
* We visited our families in their separate cities, each a handful of times. Our parents, family and friends laughed and fellowshipped around dinner tables and living rooms, parks and bandstands. We visited new landmarks, listened to live music and put miles upon miles on our cars to make sure we enjoyed it with those family members and friends.

[[september2015]]

* Day 1: Sydni turned 6. It was a hilariously bittersweet task executing a DIY monogrammed shirt for her to wear to school in celebration. We listened to her recount the experiences of her birthday from school, her dad's house, her friends. We played games, shared a special night out and tore through wrapping paper  to discover wishlist birthday items. I'm amazed by her compassion and selflessness as she shares her hope to give her old toys to kids who don't have any, so she can enjoy her new inventory - but in moderation.
* Buffalo Wabs & the Price Hill Hustle, a Cincinnati-based folk band, played a free concert in my hometown. My parents, my sister, my fiancé, daughter and I danced and laughed a night away.
* My company attended the annual corporate gathering: Sales Summit. My office's FOC and Owner had their first Sales Summit experience. I saw, fellowshipped with and learned alongside familiar faces from past offices, and celebrated change with the faces of leadership I've followed that have led me to where I am now, nearly 7 years into this job.
* There were date nights with Rob, outings with friends, movies seen and outings completed.
* We joined a new life group with some folks from our church, and immediately started feeling the benefit of community with a refreshing group of people!
* Fall officially began, and ushers in the expected though unseen hints of crisper weather, fire-infused leaves, and everything pumpkin-spiced (okay, maybe that part was seen, though wished to stay unseen, haha...)

[[october2015]]

* A new staffing consultant finally joined our team, after months of delegating the duties of the desk in a circle that started and began on the same desk - mine. Krista was an answer to prayer, and proved to be the influence and presence that was so desperately needed.
* My beloved Subie wound up in the care of Rob's team of autofacelift experts. Goodbye, blemishless insurance, but hellloooo wrx facelift! ;)
* My family attended the Ohio Renaissance Festival, in full medieval attire, to fulfill our commitment of making this outing an annual tradition.
* Marianne and Damanji rendezvoused in Cincinnati separately, in a chance of good timing. Having two of my dearest out-of-town friends gather with me here, joining forces with Rob and Becky in a weekend Cincinnati take-over was just a short couple of days, but a refueling that was much needed. Mariane and I took a day's worth of timeout to venture off the grid into a trail matrix, and managed to find coffee and music on the other end.
* I let Olivier at Beelistic scribe ink into my back along lines that comprise a mountainscape scene on my back: my 3rd tattoo.
* Halloween arrives in the form of office-appropriate costumes, followed by a weekend in Mt. Vernon: trick-or-treating with Sydni, chopping & stacking wood and enjoying the sights of mentors imparting the gift of rhythm, carpentry, literacy and fine motor skills to my daughter.

[[november2015]]

* It's decided against our highest hopes that the office staff will be again reduced to a roster of 3. Growing pains that have festered unaddressed for weeks finally reach a boiling point, and in an emotional culmination of honesty and determination to accomplish the same common goal, a new course of action: attitude, drive and desire for compromise was birthed and thrown in motion.
* I obliged an invitation to serve another year as a volunteer judge for the Distinguished Young Woman scholarship. I'm continuously amazed by the talent and vision of these girls - high school seniors, and am renewed through every experience that with the right influences and involvement, my own daughter will have a chance to excel as a person, an athlete, a musician, an artist, a scholar, a humanitarian, or whatever other or combined realization of her own potential she sees fit to follow.
* Kaitlyn joined the office staff as the newest staffing consultant, and a hopeful final addition (for now).
* Thanksgiving weekend provided a very much needed departure from the daily work grind, and allowed us an extended opportunity to visit our St. Louis area family and friends.
* More birthdays are celebrated: Nikki, Clark - hometown, highschool friends - one of them 19 days older, and the other 9 days my elder. My cousin Caridel and our friend Matt, both of whom had Thanksgiving Day birthdays this year. My beautiful friend Brittany, with whom I'll stand during her wedding next year, and her in mine.
* I share in the birthday streak, and turn the page of 30 to land on 31. I am now wholly immersed in my 30's, and blessed to have ushered it in in the company of some incredible friends and family.

I realized also in the past 48 hours that not only have I launched into the meat of my 30's, I will have celebrated that, along with this year's Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years as my last.... as a Drenning! I can't help but look forward to this time next year, when another band is added to my ring finger and my last name migrates to the other end of the alphabet, that I will then be married to the man who has managed to bring me so far from the place I was before I rediscovered the confidence to take advantage of my blessings rather than allow the shortcomings to take me. I owe him more than he'll ever know, and the thought of becoming his wife is the one thing that excites me as the rest of time whizzes right by us without much other thought.

I am here, though. Future me is going to reflect on this entry and remember the times of change, adjustment, busy schedules, road trips and landmark events, but probably not the fact that I skipped out on blogging them every single day.

It is now DECEMBER [holy crap!]
Even just sitting here now typing this up has renewed my spirit of journaling, blogging, chronicling, whatever it is I call this caboodle of thought that winds up on my blog. I don't do this for you, my dear audience [although I love you, don't get me wrong!]; it's tough to keep the pen sharp and step outside of my limited daily vocabulary if I don't actively do it.

[[december2015]]

* So, dear December, I'm imploring you to be the satisfying zenith to 2015, and usher in this next year with a smile, if you don't mind :).

This time next year, I'll be a married gal. Sydni will be 7. Who knows what the year will hold, but I am hopeful that through the mountains and valleys (& everything in between!) that I'm sure this next year will hold, I'm already praying for grace and gratitude to absorb whatever comes down the line.

Happy December, blogbots! It feels great to be back. Maybe I'll take to sharing some imagery from the past couple months once I sort through the hoards of pictures I've got, too.

31, & feelin' great!

Until then - be well, find happiness and encourage someone else to do the same!

♥♥♥!
xo | cmd 

Hiring & Hummus

We were baaaaaaack at it today! Elisa and I wrote our day around the job fair we hosted with one of our partners downtown, and as usual, it was a great way to start the day. 

happy job hunting! 

Back at home, I got to digging through some recipes for a good, solid hummus. While I've occasionally experimented with different variations, what I would ideally like to have is a go-to that I can whip up without a second thought, and have it as it is, or add to it from there.

the struggle is oh. so. real.

Well thanks to Cincinnati Locavore's tips that I just discovered tonight on their blog, I think I may well be headed in the right direction.

Read 'Em HERE

There's also THIS: 

via THIS page

Give me a couple of days, folks. I'll report back once I've honed in on my new go-to. 

For now, have a beautiful rest of the week, blogbots! 

xo | cmd

Then & Now : Memoirs to Me

I've been a prolific journaler [shh.. I know] for as long as I can remember; my mom has often shared with me the many manuscripts arranging my many legitimate struggles...

... at like, age five. What can I say? Life was pretty rough, when

"... I and can't have and the and turkoys [turquoise] doll and because Santa got and me the purple one and for Christmas." 

My love of conjunctions started early on, an indication of my aptitude development.

Anyway, I read yesterday THIS, authored by none other than my fellow star-chaser Marianne. She raised several interesting points just by penning this thing to her future self, something I coincidentally also did in 2004. I committed last night to unearthing some of those words, penned inevitably during a phase of angsty, pre-twenties self-discovery. And loathing. And soul-searching. And so on... and so on.

ohhhhhhh, the aaaaaangst.... 

Uh-huh. :|

So here's what I did: I went and in fact unearthed that duct tape-covered composition book [complete with some tattooed Dashboard Confessional lyrics, for effect #emoproblems...], which contained everything from my grocery lists [?], to random and elicited observations re: my little world of college things, and stickers, tickets & other miscellaneous swag from all the cutting-edge things/places I was going. In hindsight, I was just collecting for some imaginary scrapbook that materialized in the form of a misshapen novel.. with bumper stickers.

Folks, I naturally preferred hard-copy over e-filing in 2004, and from the looks of this, I was holed up in a corner of the 13th floor [the 'Quiet Floor' reserved for the most studious dormers, for those of you who remember Calhoun Hall].  Secluded in the vacant, dimly-lit corner of a study hall, silent but in that very way, so. EMOTIONALLY CHAOTIC... If that doesn't paint the angst for you, well..... idk.

So here's an excerpt from 2004. I wasn't much of an Headline gal in the early 2000's, so there was no other title to this other than the date:

March 10, 2004
[a Wednesday]

I swear to God I will NOT be here in 10 years. There's no way in hell that I'll feel like this in 10 years. There's no way in hell that this shit will still be getting the best of me in 10 years. I mean it. 

[Okay, as a prelude to this: 2004 was my sophomore year of college, and a/the point of my life where I, for lack of better explanation, abandoned a lot of what I stood for, including {apparently} my manners, class, faith, dignity and a bunch of other relatively essential qualities. Just an FYI; carry on....]

I made a list of New Year's Resolutions 2 months ago and haven't kept more than 2 of them. HELL YEAH! Great start, right? I thought I would be advantageous this year and reinvent the wheel, but who am I kidding? I can't even find common ground with half the people around me. 

I wonder a LOT about where I'll be in 10 years. If I'll be in this city. This state. This country. If I'll still have the same friends. At this rate, I almost HOPE I don't. That's sad. I need people who I can relate to, for REAL reasons. Not because we're both Filipino. Or because we're in the same classes all morning for 3 days a week. Or because we both play soccer. Or because we live in the same dorm. Or because we're both eating food at the same place at the same time. THESE are why I'm friends with over half of my friends... and THAT sucks. I miss my REAL friends [from my hometown; remember I'm only a year into this whole living-away-from-home thing] and know that I'm just going through the motions here. God I'm lame. 

I'm dating a guy who's clingy, not supportive and stupidly obsessed with his hair. Call me shallow, but if you can't get your shit together for the day JUST because your hair isn't cooperating? Grow a pair. He has an intellectual brain though, and for some reason I can't seem to part with it. I just wish he was more..... I dunno, grounded.

I flopped on the new year's resolutions, so I wonder if by the time I'm almost 30 in ten years, maybe I'll get it together? 

Goals: 10 years out [in no particular order]: 
* Graduate college
* Get a job. A real job. 
* Visit another country. Maybe 2. 
* Find real friends. Or stay socially-removed until I'm ready to figure out what that means. 
* STOP letting people down. 
* Get a tattoo. 
* Think about marriage when dating. Not immediately, but if he even has potential. Otherwise don't waste your time. 
* Get home more often. 
* Repair broken relationships. 
* Run more. Remember how soccer was the highlight of your life now... do NOT let it control your life in 10 years. 
* Live somewhere other than Cincinnati. Or even Ohio. 
* Stop procrastinating on EVERYthing you do. And when you decide TO do something, don't push yourself so hard that you exhaust everything you have: time, social life, money, ambitions. 
* Remember how you felt TODAY: Confused about what you actually want out of life. Broken because you've relied on yourself and not on God for the things you need, even though you know better. You're lonely, confused, hurt and broken by the damage of bad friendships and superficial relationships. You're not excited to see what the future holds - honestly, you're afraid of it and that's not what should be happening. You don't EVER want to be in this place, ever again. 

Get a hold of yokurself, Corin. You're better than this. 

*******

I condensed that down from the near 4 comp pages it consumed when I originally wrote it, but in reading it, the feelings came back. The intensity of that moment feels vague now, but not the sense of confusion and helplessness. The dark place they usher in was a place I revisited just a few short years back, and I found my way out then, too, but with a strength I didn't know I even had. 

I've thought it appropriate for a while now to extend some sort of homage to my former self, and in the process perhaps a couple of notes for the future me. Thanks again for the inspiration, Mare! 

To Corin, 2004: 

First things first, it gets better. It gets bad again here and there, but the beauty outweighs the pain tenfold. You finished college, and you have that job that you truly love. You have a small but irreplaceable network of true friends on whom you can rely when you're doing well and when you aren't. Out of an incredibly un-ideal situation came the most beautiful child you've ever known; she is a reflection of the love you want to show the world, and continues to impress you every day. She calls you mama and there's not a moment of the struggle you would trade to have her changing your world every day. You have two tattoos, one of which you got on a random outing with the girl who inspired this time-traveling letter. You've lived in a couple different states, been to a couple other countries and are on the home stretch of preparation for a missions trip to Panama. You're engaged to a guy who makes you crazy, but in the ways you laugh about, not the ones on which a relationship actually hinges. He brought you out of a place void of emotions altogether, let alone happiness. He is patient, funny and supportive of your dreams, goals and ambitions. You are still flighty when it comes to certain grown-up things: taxes, health insurance, financial portfolios. < You will probably never fully comprehend the logistics of those things, but you're doing better. You've learned to finally start speaking up when you're dissatisfied with something, instead of bottling it to the point of combustion like you did for the first 25ish years. You're no expert, but you're getting better. You still procrastinate on small things, and when you invest yourself wholly into something, you still haven't mastered the art of pacing yourself. You're damaged, imperfect and a constant work in progress, but know this: You are happy. You are growing. You are loved.

And Corin, 2025: 

That was twenty years ago now that you took your duct taped journal and stowed away in the corner of a dormitory, ridden with confusion, loneliness and anxiety. It was thirteen years ago that you relapsed into that dark place, and vowed to never repeat it ever again. You lost parts of yourself that you won't ever get back, but in the process learned more about your limits, recognized your strengths and weaknesses, and acknowledged that you can't do this on your own - and that you don't need to. You don't need to prove that to anyone, regardless of what you always thought. You've redefined real strength as pursuing your faith and letting go of toxic things and people. That's important, so don't forget that, okay? 

Your daughter is 15, which I can guess now has its own set of stresses and joyous moments alike. You're married to the man whose engagement ring you're wearing now in 2015, and continuing to grown and learn together with him just as you are now. I'm going to guess we've since added a few mini's to the family; I'm excited for us to look back on this moment now wondering what he, she or they will be like. 

Twenty years ago, you were a hot mess, going through your emo everything stage. You thought you could outsmart the system of life, but weren't smart enough to see the depths of your insecurities and inexperience. You fought back against wiser peers and council who tried to help you, because quite frankly, you weren't ready to face the reality that vulnerability isn't inherently evil. Thirteen years ago, you fought tooth and nail for a failing marriage before you were able to level with the fact that the only way your daughter had a fighting chance of life in a happy household, was to divide yours and pray that two separate but functional households would bloom out of its ashes.

You did that thing where you shut down emotionally, first to the world, then to those closest to you, and then to yourself. You were a drone for months, surviving on faith and desperate hopes that you were right. You struggled like most wouldn't believe with the guilt of divorce, wrestled with how that conflicted with your core beliefs and waited almost two years after your divorce to finally start forgiving yourself for the ways in which you failed and disappointed yourself and those involved. You became intentional about your time, and even more selective about who would be permitted to get close. You were scared of hurting them in the long run, but learned over time that that would only happen if YOU give permission and YOU choose to let little things turn into big things. You are slowly earning your bachelors degree in Letting Things Go, and are making great strides in the section about harboring bitterness, resentment and pride.

In 2015, you're a work in progress. This is your first full year of your 30's, and you are happy.
You still hate tomatoes and pickles, but have managed to eat bananas without wanting to vomit. You don't smoke, and as far as drinking goes, you officially have next to zero tolerance, which isn't actually a bad thing. You don't work out as much as you should, but you're bent on reverting back to old habits in that regard, which include committing to a half marathon before the year is over. You are head over heels - often literally - with yoga, and have disproved every single one of your college-conceived notions of its principles. Your parents are visibly aging, but still as vivacious and fun as ever. Sydni is the light of their lives and she knows it. You're ready for the future, and are on the hunt for ways to ensure that it's a culmination of your investments now. You wish you could still eat whatever you wanted, but your body isn't going to let that happen.

You're only an adult based on the time you've spent on the earth; your heart is still young. You are aware the heartache and disappointment are inevitable, but you are more secure with your abilities and limits in coping than ever before. You have an acute sense of detection for and equally sensitive disdain for the artificial - things, people and situations and are no longer hesitant to eliminate them from your life.

You're not the perfect human, and you will never be perfect in the eyes of every beholder. But, here's one thing that you KNOW to be truth [& then some] as you walk into 2015:

#truth!

Love your life at 40, because 30's lookin' like it's gonna be tough to beat.

xo | cmd

Trains & Great Wolf Lodge

Trains, trains, TRAINS!

Anyone who knows my dad knows that his affinity for trains has been a lifelong thing. The Drenn Lodge, as I've affectionately always named their home up north, now has a train display where there once was a loft lounge, and they are launching a full scale village to go along with it.

dixie union station! 

Today we met with them at a specialty train shop, where Dad was able to gather ideas for his vision [& let's be honest, Mom too, as she'll be the real civil engineer here..].

Be it the small shop it was, it was certainly packed with all things trains, and quite a bit of history if you looked closely enough.

dixie train station | mason, oh 

dixie train station | mason, oh 

tiiiiiny little people..
... tiiiiiiny little expensive people. 

syd marvelling at the village

cute little houses!

so much detail! 

I had to include these, because I often forget just how Italian my mother really is.. until I see pictures like this. She may or may not have been speaking actual words; she's a seasoned Italian-hand signer.. haha.  

We wrapped up at the train shop once Dad and Mom were armed with material, ideas and determination to get their own village up to speed, and we were off. Sydni had done an exceptional job of being patient for the hour or so that we were in the train shop, despite our frequent instructing of DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

Her reward?

a day at gwl! 

Syd went bananas when we stepped foot into Great Wolf Lodge; she knew that although we weren't going to the water park itself, we were going to be there for a while, and the day was now all about Magic Quests, arcade games and ice cream.

And fun :)

welllll hi there! 

these two.... hahaha

Day outings with Nana & Pappy are the BEST. 

We bid adieu [for now] after a long day of trains and play, and headed back home, where the day for Sydni wasn't over yet. We had one more belated Christmas present for her from Nana & Pappy: 

We've read this book three times already tonight; it's super cute.

What an awesome day, amiright?! :D

Love.. love... and more love.
See ya tomorrow!

xo | cmd

Guest Blog: Boulder Locavore [AKA... FOOD!]

The world wide web is home to literally every piece of information out there. Sure, the validity of some of what's posted may be questionable, but I don't know if I've yet hit the search engines with a question that answered, "No Results Available." The worst I think there's been is that little dinosaur guy from Chrome:

rawrrrr

^ And yes, I Googled that image. See my point?

Anyway, I was on a quest today for some new recipes to refresh my collection. For once in my life, I actually went on this mission with a full stomach, so as to avoid an impromptu grocery run right in the middle of it - you know, hungry shopping? My wallet hates hungry shopping.

So yeah, there I was, brain open to suggestions and the web at my fingertips. To say there is a plethora of foodie pages out there is like saying there's a couple drops of water in the ocean, but fortunately I managed to stumble on some good ones.

For the sake of time, here's the one I'm highlighting today: Boulder Locavore. It's authored and kept by this gal Toni Dash, and it's chock-full of that light & healthy - but still edible food that so many of us have promised ourselves for this year. Not only does she post the recipes, she additionally shares the nutritional value of what's in them, and why our bodies depend on some of the staple elements in each of her recipes [protein, amino acids, etc.]. Having grown up with my own mother and her holistic approach to... well, everything, I have to say I agree with a lot of what she has to say here!

One recipe that immediately caught my eye was this:

SLOW COOKER ALMOND MILK TAPIOCA PUDDING

1. I love tapioca pudding. 

2. I have - and enjoy using - a slow cooker. 

3. This one is dairy-free! 

4. I seriously... love tapioca. 

If you're a fan of tapioca the way I am, and either need or want a dairy-free option, do yourself a favor and go save that somewhere for yourself. Here's a preview: 

........ want. 

I will make that. NOM! 

Also on her page: 

GLUTEN+DAIRY-FREE OVERNIGHT QUINOA-CHIA CHOCOLATE BREAKFAST PUDDING

That's a mouthful.... but LOOK: 

yum! 

yes, please.

^ AND, it's overnight?! Bring.. it.. ON. 

The more I share this with you all now, the more excited I am to actually get this stuff in my fridge! 

Just a couple more. Perhaps something I highlighted that isn't a breakfast/dessert option.

LEAN TURKEY+BLACK BEAN QUINOA CHIPOTLE BURRITO BOWLS

I'm tellin' you, this gal knows the way to my heart! Lean turkey? Black beans? Quinoa? AVOCADO?!

Okay okay okay, one more. 

For something even lighter than lean meat, fresh fruit & quinoa options: 

COLD CUCUMBER NOODLE SALAD

Gahhhhhhhhh, YES. There's a lot going on with this salad, which includes toasted sesame dressing, watercress, mint & a few other things. 

drooling.

Folks, I will gladly be in the kitchen for a few days; Ms. Dash [wait... no way....]. your page has been bookmarked, and if you should ever roll out an app, consider it downloaded here. 

A lot of those recipes are gluten-free, dairy-free or otherwise catered so that you can adjust to your specific dietary requirements. I'm pretty excited to get on these. Oh, and for the record, in case you didn't notice, all of those pictures and recipes above are property of Boulder Locavore, which means that I didn't create, devise or otherwise own in any way/shape/form... any of that material. What I WOULD claim is a call for you to get yourself over to that page and see what looks like a fit for your kitchen :). 

Happy Eats! 

xo | cmd

Italian Skypes!

I had a Skype date with [The REAL] Slim Shady tonight! 

marianne!!!! 

Hey, she said it, not me. haha. Seriously though, if you didn't know, that's MARIANNE! And she's in Italy! And..... it's like 4am her time, and we just finished up talking.

For a Wednesday, I didn't have any extravagant things to report, but to say that I'm grateful for the conversation with Marianne today is a fair - and more than adequate - thing to be celebrating today.

If you've any interest in checking out her journey right now in Italy [and if you like being inspired!], check it out HERE. I really recommend that you do.

Oh, and while you're at it, maybe add in a prayer or two for that girl, for the mission she's on and for her safe return home in just a few short weeks. Love you, Mare!

xo | cmd 

"She Is Not Her Circumstance"

Two things for today:

 

➊

I read something absolutely beautiful today. It was simple, and I felt so compelled to share it that I wanted to do so across all fronts, including here.

If you have a spare couple of minutes, read THIS.
It's a simply-written entry by "Erika," one of many writers for the Christian-based blog, A Deeper Story. I have read a few entries there, authored by various writers, and just added them to my following list. Erika shares an encounter that could have amounted to nothing, had she ignored the opportunity to bless herself with the time spent with her new friend, Diamond. You'll have to read the whole thing for that to make sense, but I'll warn you, it's something of a tear-jerker.

I read this, over and over.. and let the words mull around in my brain for a little while. I picture Diamond, a girl whose distorted sense of direction in this world was positioned that way before she had a chance to learn up from down. I picture her as a child, gathering in the world from the vantage point of a child born to drug addicts, to whom she was likely a fleeting priority, if not a nuissance most days. I envision her crying herself to sleep on the nights when she desperately ached to have a strong, sheparding arm guiding her back to a place of hope and comfort, and I am honestly sad. My heart hurt for her as I read that. I see a teenage girl with a skewed sense of self-worth, giving herself over to lustful temptations because she's never learned how to deny them. A child raising a child, and then two, and then three. And then losing them because she is following her parents' footsteps of addiction and disappointment. I see the world meeting her for the first time at the end of a bad day; she's now an adult and the culmination of her entire life up to this point is nothing she could ever explain to someone in the few seconds it takes for them to form an opinion of her. We see Diamond every day, whether it's obvious or subtle.

Reality check.
We are NOT called to decide who does and doesn't "deserve" grace and mercy from us while we are on this earth. By what standards are we going to be measured when we're gone, anyway? The stuff we've collected while we were here? No. The amount of money left in our bank accounts? No.

Our legacy will be measured and defined
by the impact on those left to share it for us.

 

Whoa, is right. I can't look at my daughter and ever imagine her wanting for something that to me seems so ... obvious. Like a hug. Or a safe place to sleep at night. Or for me, as her mother, to keep the world at bay for her safety when I am supposed to. No, I can not imagine that. Nor can I imagine my own life being so upside-down that the idea of stability is just about foreign, something I dream about at night but have little hope of ever actually achieving. There is a very important, pretty much cardinal reminder here: Whether you exercise an open-mind because of your faith, or if you choose to do it solely out of the concept of encouraging another person rather than berate them, just... do it. When we're little, we think we'll live forever. We won't, but there's still enough time to make it count. ♥

And..

➋

I was met in real-life with the perfect illustration that she in fact is not her circumstance. This coincidentally happened on the same day that I read that blog entry up there ^^. I'm sure there's no real coincidence in it all, more of a chronological unfolding of life-application, if you will. I wasn't quite sure how to condense the situation into a brief blurb, but I did what I could:

rant... rant.

^ Now, a couple of things.
First, I was floored by the number of people who chimed in on this. I left the gym pretty ruffled over the whole ordeal, especially since I blew my chance to say something when I should've. They disappeared just a few minutes into my run, and after I was finished, I did a full lap around the place in search of neon matching yoga pants outfits, but they were nowhere to be found. Second, I am sorry. To the woman working out, I wish I would've just paused my workout to drop a line of reality to those two. I think I'm even more burned by my not doing that when I had the chance to do it. It's like one of those times when you've already had an altercation with someone and you spend the next three hours re-playing the list of I-wish-I-would've-said-THAT-comeback's. Yeah, that is exactly what I'm still doing, like, almost five hours later. GRRRRRRRRR.

Tomorrow's a new day, and if I happen to spot them again, hopefully 1] they're actually working out this time, because frankly it's annoying to be dripping sweat while wondering why the person next to you is there in the first place, and 2] I'll be able to speak a reminder of grace to them in an actual graceful way, as opposed to how I probably would've said it today. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't open my mouth; I'm not prone to merciful deliveries in a state of aggravation like that [i.e, things on which I am trying to improve, constantly]. We'll see.

///////endrant.

I'm still fueled about the whole thing. Sorry. I can't seem to let this go. Even while we were at dinner with Kalyn & Jess, they brought it up after having read my tirade on Facebook. I'm not really surprised, but still glad to know I'm not the only person who wanted to b-slap the perfectly-manicured smoky eyes off those two gals. Grarrrrrr...

BUT, I'll focus on this in the back of mind for the rest of the night and probably the rest of the week. Tonight, I did have a blast with Kalyn, Jess and Rob while we ate at Main Street. Chad of course waited us, which meant some time visiting with him and also Cameron, for the few minutes he poked his head out of the back.

"fat thursday! errr... tuesday... *autocorrect! ;)"
- jess

^ This pretty much summed up the table tonight: plates full of burgers, fries and drinks, to celebrate Fat Tuesday. I, not being Catholic, have always known that Fat Tuesday is the Tuesday after Mardi Gras, but never really understood the actual purpose of it. I know, sounds dumb... but, it's never too late to figure it out, which I did tonight... and it makes total practical sense. Sorry, Catholic friends.. I was just a little behind.

*Sigh. It's been a day. I'm ready to crash and do it all again tomorrow. Actually, we're scheduled to throw a Cyclones game into the mix tomorrow night, so that should be fun, too.

See you, then!

xo | cmd

See Ya Next Year, FACEBOOK

In the least first-worldy way I can find to say this, I took a step today and removed Facebook from my palette of available social media. I've always moderately wondered why some of my friends have bid it adieu and whether it's a statement of something or just a realization that Facebook & the rest of our social media outlets don't have to rule us.

I'll be the first to say I go through roller coaster spurts of Facebook usage. Sometimes I'm on it every day, others I won't do a thing on it for weeks. Today I decided to just cut it out for a little while. I did this originally in a moment of irritation over something unrelated to FB, but hey, it's not like I just sawed off one of my arms. It's Facebook, for pity's sake, not a limb or organ.

So yeah. Blogging it is for now, along with some Instagram if I really feel spunky over the next few weeks. Call it something of a social experiment on my part, too. I wonder what I'll miss over the next 3 weeks that I won't find out about until the new year when I've figured I'll stop boycotting. Whoooo knows....

farewell for now!

Anyway, now that I've wasted three paragraphs on the fundamentals of Facebook account deactivation, today was otherwise a day that I'll happily dismiss. Just. One of those days, ya know? I've had worse, oh yes, but today and I really just didn't me
et eye to eye and I think we're both ready for about a week's worth of space [ehhh? eehhhhh??? See what I did th-... nevermind].

Tonight = More Christmas present creation. I'm happy to report that I finished all EIGHT sets of coasters I planned to finish before the time came to gift them. I also knocked out a couple of other gift sets, and am aiming at the end of next week for some finality to the whole shebang. Woo!

AND, in the midst of my fickle mood and situational idiocracy of today, I must remind myself that this is about to be the BEST [fingers crossed] ending to a year that I've had in a LONG time. There are some very big things and changes quickly approaching that, while requiring copious amounts of preparation and work, will be new, exciting and the product of thorough planning. Once everything finds its stone mark, I'll share more... for now, I'm just idling in that pre-elation phase of prayer, gratitude and continued configuration of all the little details.

*Sigh. Tomorrow's FRIIIIIIIDAY, and buddy, I can't freakin' wait.
Maybe I'll post that status on Facebo- ... oh wait. (:

xo | cmd

Wednesday Reminder : BE THANKFUL [The Coles]

Hey friends....

Well.. I showed up to the day with a huge smile on my face. It's been an interesting few weeks, specifically the weekend, but today just felt refreshing, new and I was ready to face it full force with a smile. I got a note from Trish early on regarding a note I'd posted back in February 2011, about a man whose family was ripped away from him with no notice. It dealt with the amount of faith he had in the midst of sheer tragedy, and how that steadfast determination makes my daily strife seem pale in comparison. It served to justify the smile I had today and I'm readier than ever to take on the rest of this week.

HERE'S THE NOTE [circa february 2011]:
 

“There's a sunrise and a sunset every single day, and they're absolutely free.
Don't miss so many of them.” - Jo Walton

  ****
Today is Wednesday. It doesn't feel that special to most people, unless it's a birthday, anniversary, or some other notable personal landmark. Unless a significant, life-altering event occurs before it's over, the majority of us won't bookmark today once it's gone. That's usually the case for most people; don't feel guilty.

BUT.. Today is Wednesday. Today is going to be another one of MANY of the hardest days in Chad's life.

I'll pause there.

For ANY of you (us) that are mothers, fathers, expectant parents, or close ties to families or friends with children:
>>> WE ARE BLESSED, BEYOND WHAT WE COULD EVER IMAGINE.

[[My daughter wasn't planned. It was NEVER that she wasn't wanted, but we hadn't been proactively planning for our first child. We've never experienced the frustration of having our faith and hope challenged repeatedly in efforts to become parents. For the mothers and couples who have: don't give up. We're praying for you.]]

Chad Cole and his wife Sara were that couple: praying, trying, praying, and trying again for a long time to have a child. Finally their prayers were answered, and Sara was due February 23, 2011.  Over this past weekend, Chad and Sara were driving through one of the snowstorms that's been plaguing Michigan all winter. They stopped on the side of the road momentarily, and were hit full force by a semi-truck. Sara died as a result of her injuries. Their baby, little Miranda, was "delivered" with no heartbeat and no brain activity. Doctors were able to recover her heartbeat, but there is, as of now, no sign of brain activity. If there was no activity by Tuesday (yesterday), Miranda was expected to be disconnected from life support.

Today is Wednesday. Little Miranda was welcomed into heaven late last night. She's with her mother, in the safety of God's grace.

This broke my heart.
I don't know Chad and Sara personally; they are friends of someone I know. That doesn't matter to me. This happened.
What I found almost unbelievable is the amount of humble faith and courage Chad has at this point in his life. I read his blog, and in it he wrote,

As I prepared to hold my darling daughter to my chest this evening, I was terrified that I would break...literally break...into pieces.  My fears were unjustified.  The hand of God so reached down and touched me, that I was able to sing my sweet angel into heaven.  That peace stayed with my while I bathed her.  It covered me like a deep blanket of snow while I dressed her for the first time.  It kept a smile on my face while we took pictures and I was able to introduce her to her extended families without all those wires and tubes sticking out of her.  You are all responsible for that peace....
God's miracle to me was giving me strength beyond my own.  Endurance that I could never have mustered.  Helping me carry my daughter proudly down long, silent corridors as we approached the gathered family and friends who were singing upon our arrival..

Wow.
That needs to digest for just a few minutes out of our hectic schedules this morning. Look at your life, like I'm looking at mine, and count every single blessing for what it is today.
I know for a FACT that I lack the emotional and spiritual tenacity that Chad has. The incredible thing is, he knows he lacks it, too. Our God is not a God of sorrow. Yes, what happened to the Cole family is beyond normal comprehension. The imprint of the last week is carved in stone. The hurt and deep-seeded emptiness will never be erased. BUT- if Chad of all people is REJOICING today, then WHAT HAVE WE TO FEAR?

Today is Wednesday. Chad Cole is without his wife and his newborn daughter today. I've never met Chad. All I know is that because of him, because of a faith that wasn't shaken an inch when his life was shaken to pieces- we can all rest knowing that the God we serve is REAL. The healing will start, and it will be a long, enduring road for the Cole family. There is a world of believers praying, if for nothing else, just comfort.. minute by minute. I heard from a great friend of mine recently of an email she received during a struggling time in her life, wishing her:

Just enough, for today.

Just enough. Leave the "enough" an open blank for whatever is needed. For the Cole family, I'm praying for just enough soul-quenching peace, and comfort, if even only for today. For their friends and immediate support network, just enough courage and calming words to aid them.

I hope you will, too.

Love & .. More Love :)

-Cori

****

That's about all I needed for today. My life is speckled, sure, but it's beautiful in its own rite and I wouldn't trade the experience, the emotion -- especially not the people in it now -- for anything. I hope you can feel the same for yours today.

xo | cmd

Owing Some Odes. Chyeah.

Good Tuesday evening, blogbots :)

Wellll... today was the first work day of a now four-day week, thanks to the holiday. I took a deep breath before walking in the door this morning, and good thing, since it was over in a blinding flash of call-offs, fires to be extinguished, and of course the ever-looming task of weekly payroll. Sidenote: Shortened work weeks are good for many things; payroll is not one of those.

Anywho - towards the end of the day, Joe texted me to see if I'd be up for dinner with our pastor and his wife. Duh. Since we're officially "staff" now, I suppose it would've been rude to decline..... Hah....

JOKE! I was super excited - One, it's our pastor and his wife. The two of them are among the coolest of the cool people we know, and in the realm of admirable humanoids, they are at the top of a very sparse list. Two, whether or not we're dining at their house or out somewhere, they always know how to pick cuisine. As we're still quite the novice pair at navigating around the local dining scene, it's always helpful when the places recommended by other people turn out to be awesome.


pretty lil' macro compliment of google...
[because i know some of you would
call me out on the bacon.. haha]

 Word to the residents of, in, and around Fairview Heights: Olga's Kitchen is a gem. I found it quite endearing based solely on face value because my maternal grandmother's name was Olga. [Remember, I'm adopted, erego only Italian by purchase order ;) ........... some of you will get that later] So we rendezvoused with the Woods at St. Clair Square and quickly found ourselves taking quite the liking to this place. It was one of those clear face-palm moments because I've passed by the place surely a handful of times while at the mall, but never had a reason to stop.

Yeahhhh.. so once we had our fill of snackers and Olga's [menu item.. I'm tellin' you, just get there], we went on mall-walker mode and did some light traversing back and forth across the grounds before we did two trips up/down the glass elevator for Syd, egged on especially by Pastor Ron & Debbie [so clearly grandparents ;)]. All in all a great night, impromptu as it was!

Oh, and speaking of Pastor Ron - we are prolific followers of each others' blogs, and tonight he shared with me the journey of one of his former youth group-ers, a gal just a couple years younger than me, who is in the midst of a repeated bout with cancer. [[While I don't have cancer, I've seen the havoc it can rain on any one person and their families. After heading up the Towerview team for the 2012 Relay for Life, I've gained a deep, earnest appreciation for the ongoing effort of the American Cancer Society, and moreso for the courage behind every individual person who has had to stare cancer in the face. MAJOR kudos doesn't even begin to describe the level of admiration I have for the conquerers :) ]] Soooo.. this girl, from what Pastor Ron told me, recently started a blog, and since that seems to be a thread that we both understand, he recommended I check it out. He seemed to think her candor and style of scribing were similiar to mine, too, which naturally peaked my interest.



remember this? :) | relay for life belleville 2012
the towerview fundraising tire

 So I checked it out.
And I loved it.
Blunt. Honest. Funny.
Don't believe me? -- Check it out for yourself :)
I'll be following these chronicles, for sure.

So...

Today turned out to have some unexpected turns:
Thank you to Pastor Ron & Debbie for the dinner invite, excellent company, and new reading material! ;)

Thanks to Olga's Kitchen for being so fabulously delicious... I'm on to you now..
Thanks to Ashley Brown, the girl with cancer who has decided to laugh in its face rather than succumb to it. I think that's the absolute spirit with which we should approach anything threatening to overcome. That, and pray, of course. :) Fresh perspective? Check.

Over and out, folks.

xo | cmd