"She Is Not Her Circumstance"

Two things for today:

 

➊

I read something absolutely beautiful today. It was simple, and I felt so compelled to share it that I wanted to do so across all fronts, including here.

If you have a spare couple of minutes, read THIS.
It's a simply-written entry by "Erika," one of many writers for the Christian-based blog, A Deeper Story. I have read a few entries there, authored by various writers, and just added them to my following list. Erika shares an encounter that could have amounted to nothing, had she ignored the opportunity to bless herself with the time spent with her new friend, Diamond. You'll have to read the whole thing for that to make sense, but I'll warn you, it's something of a tear-jerker.

I read this, over and over.. and let the words mull around in my brain for a little while. I picture Diamond, a girl whose distorted sense of direction in this world was positioned that way before she had a chance to learn up from down. I picture her as a child, gathering in the world from the vantage point of a child born to drug addicts, to whom she was likely a fleeting priority, if not a nuissance most days. I envision her crying herself to sleep on the nights when she desperately ached to have a strong, sheparding arm guiding her back to a place of hope and comfort, and I am honestly sad. My heart hurt for her as I read that. I see a teenage girl with a skewed sense of self-worth, giving herself over to lustful temptations because she's never learned how to deny them. A child raising a child, and then two, and then three. And then losing them because she is following her parents' footsteps of addiction and disappointment. I see the world meeting her for the first time at the end of a bad day; she's now an adult and the culmination of her entire life up to this point is nothing she could ever explain to someone in the few seconds it takes for them to form an opinion of her. We see Diamond every day, whether it's obvious or subtle.

Reality check.
We are NOT called to decide who does and doesn't "deserve" grace and mercy from us while we are on this earth. By what standards are we going to be measured when we're gone, anyway? The stuff we've collected while we were here? No. The amount of money left in our bank accounts? No.

Our legacy will be measured and defined
by the impact on those left to share it for us.

 

Whoa, is right. I can't look at my daughter and ever imagine her wanting for something that to me seems so ... obvious. Like a hug. Or a safe place to sleep at night. Or for me, as her mother, to keep the world at bay for her safety when I am supposed to. No, I can not imagine that. Nor can I imagine my own life being so upside-down that the idea of stability is just about foreign, something I dream about at night but have little hope of ever actually achieving. There is a very important, pretty much cardinal reminder here: Whether you exercise an open-mind because of your faith, or if you choose to do it solely out of the concept of encouraging another person rather than berate them, just... do it. When we're little, we think we'll live forever. We won't, but there's still enough time to make it count. ♥

And..

➋

I was met in real-life with the perfect illustration that she in fact is not her circumstance. This coincidentally happened on the same day that I read that blog entry up there ^^. I'm sure there's no real coincidence in it all, more of a chronological unfolding of life-application, if you will. I wasn't quite sure how to condense the situation into a brief blurb, but I did what I could:

rant... rant.

^ Now, a couple of things.
First, I was floored by the number of people who chimed in on this. I left the gym pretty ruffled over the whole ordeal, especially since I blew my chance to say something when I should've. They disappeared just a few minutes into my run, and after I was finished, I did a full lap around the place in search of neon matching yoga pants outfits, but they were nowhere to be found. Second, I am sorry. To the woman working out, I wish I would've just paused my workout to drop a line of reality to those two. I think I'm even more burned by my not doing that when I had the chance to do it. It's like one of those times when you've already had an altercation with someone and you spend the next three hours re-playing the list of I-wish-I-would've-said-THAT-comeback's. Yeah, that is exactly what I'm still doing, like, almost five hours later. GRRRRRRRRR.

Tomorrow's a new day, and if I happen to spot them again, hopefully 1] they're actually working out this time, because frankly it's annoying to be dripping sweat while wondering why the person next to you is there in the first place, and 2] I'll be able to speak a reminder of grace to them in an actual graceful way, as opposed to how I probably would've said it today. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't open my mouth; I'm not prone to merciful deliveries in a state of aggravation like that [i.e, things on which I am trying to improve, constantly]. We'll see.

///////endrant.

I'm still fueled about the whole thing. Sorry. I can't seem to let this go. Even while we were at dinner with Kalyn & Jess, they brought it up after having read my tirade on Facebook. I'm not really surprised, but still glad to know I'm not the only person who wanted to b-slap the perfectly-manicured smoky eyes off those two gals. Grarrrrrr...

BUT, I'll focus on this in the back of mind for the rest of the night and probably the rest of the week. Tonight, I did have a blast with Kalyn, Jess and Rob while we ate at Main Street. Chad of course waited us, which meant some time visiting with him and also Cameron, for the few minutes he poked his head out of the back.

"fat thursday! errr... tuesday... *autocorrect! ;)"
- jess

^ This pretty much summed up the table tonight: plates full of burgers, fries and drinks, to celebrate Fat Tuesday. I, not being Catholic, have always known that Fat Tuesday is the Tuesday after Mardi Gras, but never really understood the actual purpose of it. I know, sounds dumb... but, it's never too late to figure it out, which I did tonight... and it makes total practical sense. Sorry, Catholic friends.. I was just a little behind.

*Sigh. It's been a day. I'm ready to crash and do it all again tomorrow. Actually, we're scheduled to throw a Cyclones game into the mix tomorrow night, so that should be fun, too.

See you, then!

xo | cmd

Bullies... All Grown Up... But Not Really.

... and no, unfortunately I'm not talking about adorable pitbullies.
I'm talking about adult humans, who have both the capacity and the ability to distinguish right from wrong, up from down, and cruel from compassionate.

You'll have to excuse my rant, especially if you're the one(s) responsible for this, because you crossed a line that I've never had to face, but know plenty who have... and the saddest part of it is that YOU have too.

Here's the scoop:

In one of those arbitrary moments of Facebook newsfeed scrolling, I came across THIS picture: 

this makes me sick

Let me explain this:
1. I blocked out faces because really, that's unecessary.
2. This was originally of a girl and a guy standing together. The person who edited this picture did a hack photoshop job of another girl's face and hair onto the girl's body and posted it online for the rest of us to see. The girl whose face was put on here is a girl we all know; she's a sweet girl who, in high school, had something of a slight social disability. In any case, the picture was posted and immediately hit with a range of comments from people thinking it was hilarious to people asking for it to be removed.

It makes me sick. Yeah, I know... Cori, this type of thing happens all the time; your little rant isn't going to stop or change people. Bro, I know. I'm not trying to change the world, but I was honestly just left in a state of simple sadness and pity for the people who did this to her.... but not only just for her.

I think after brooding over it, I may actually feel more pity for the people who actually think this is funny. It's crazy to me, too, since in the slew of comments that had made it there by the time I first saw it, there were only 2 or 3 out of 10-15 that I didn't recognize as people who I knew had met her, likely had classes with her, or crosssed her path at some point in high school. REALLY?

.... No, it wouldn't be any less of an offense if it were a total stranger, but it certainly speaks even more volume to your character for the fact that you are that callous to do that to someone with whom you've had actual contact.

Folks, I know we live in a world that is breaking and fraying at the seams a little more each day. I'm fearful at times that Sydni and any other children I should have will face in their adult lives a society with absolutely no moral compass, value system, or filter of any kind. I force myself to shut out the inkling that boundaries will be completely non-existent by the time they are grown, and that a basic respect for LIFE in general will be something of an obsolete, historical theory as opposed to something tangible taught by and fought for on the behalf of parents to their kids.

A little known factoid about me, while we're at it [this will make sense, bear with me]: I'm an advocate representative still for the AFSP. If you haven't thought about the impact that these kinds of things have on people, you should take a second to read through a handful of those stories. It sounds like a far, dramatic cry, but it's not. I've seen that, firsthand, and it's real.

I'm encouraged, though. In the moments of anger I had after seeing that, I was met by several classmates who took a personal stand as well against the posting and expressed the same disgust. It isn't even a scratch in the grand scheme of things, but it helped to know I wasn't completely alone in the disappointment I was feeling.

For any of you out there who have a relative or friend who battles every day with a disability or handicap of any kind, this is for you... I pray that you're free from this kind of idiocracy and that you have a peace in the face of what you're handling. I'm encouraged by this to re-dedicate nothing short of my best efforts as a parent to raising my daughter the right way: knowing and believing that human life is valuable no matter what it looks, acts or sounds like. I pray that if I fail at teaching, that at least I can succeed at instilling in her a compassion and the courage to stand up for those around her who can't do it themselves... even if that means she's standing alone.

I suppose I'll stop ranting now... but I hope that if you've found yourself in the position of going along with the crowd just be cool..... it's not worth it. I hope maybe you heard something here, if that is you... and if it's not.. welp, thanks for hangin' in there with me (: 

Tomorrow's FRIDAY!

Let's make it count (:

xo | cmd