When You're Here, But Not....

Today was a wonderful day, really. It was. I had my family by my side and spent the day in each other's company. I am in love with every second of it, but today there was also a part of me that I've realized I will forever wrestle with:

truth, truth, truth. 

I found that somewhere on the web, but it's a perfect summation of what my heart is feeling right now. I've been back from Panama for over a week now, but my heart aches to go back, for just one more day there in that village with the children and the families. With my SonRise team. With our Vega leaders and their support team. I want to return with Rob and Sydni; to show them the raw, unaltered beauty that I experienced on that mountain. To open my daughter's eyes to a world beyond the idea of immediate and constant worldly gratification we have here. To plant in her heart that vision of sharing Christ to the ends of the earth and loving people for their souls, not their image, clothing and titles like we do here.

I am grateful, actually.. for this feeling. I know it means that I came back with a conviction on my heart. With a passion I'd forgotten that I had. I already miss them, yes.. but I know I will see them again.

One of my favorite newer songs is by Audrey Assad; it's called Restless, and today it has reeled through my mind at least a dozen times if not more:

audrey assad lyrics - restless 

Lord, let me never forget what you've done in my heart in the last couple of weeks. Let that change me forever, and let me relentlessly pursue you, the way you pursue me.

Amen, Amen, AMEN.

xo | cmd