Happy Birthday, Jena ♡

It's both a complete cliche and a gross understatement when people say, "Life is short."

...But ya know what, it is.

 

Today would've been the 29th birthday of my friend Jena. Baby Braylon would be 3 now, and I can't even begin to imagine where they would both be in life.

 

Isn't it strange how we can't remember what we had for breakfast half the time, but will remember with diamond-grade clarity the exact moment we were given news that crushed us? I could tell you precisely where I was, with whom, and even how many other people were there, when Hilary called me to tell me that Jena had passed away, along with unborn baby Braylon.

not my best picture, but jena looks beautiful (: | circa 1999

For my classmates from childhood back in Mt. Vernon, or really any of you who grew up in small towns, it's without a doubt impossible to avoid something like this. The entire community ripples from the blow, regardless of whether or not they were close to the person. They mourn together, are angry together, but most importantly, support and heal together.

Not long after Jena's death, I joined the AFSP [American Foundation for Suicide Prevention]. I'm still an active field representative for Southwestern Ohio, and I would encourage any of you out there to at least check out the organization, for either your sake or for anyone you know who may be fighting that silent battle for whatever reason.

Jena, it will be four years this November since I got that phone call. Today I would've called you to wish you a happy almost 30th birthday, and we would've joked about how we never planned to escape high school, let alone make it to 30. I've been fighting tears already today knowing that you didn't, and trying my best to fill that hurt with the things that I remember that were the reasons we were friends to start with.

My heart is broken today for the Fogle family, for Jamie & RJ and their parents, and for every other family who is now comprised of the survivors of a suicide. [For the Gasiorowski,  Savoia and Dollenger families, to name a few: I know this is a very real pain for you, and my heart goes out to you today.]


I don't know why you did what you did, Jena. For a long time I was angry; I was more furious than I had been with anyone in as long as I could remember. I couldn't fathom reaching that point of complete exhaustion. Like so many people, I thought it was insanely selfish. My heart broke at your service to watch your parents, your brothers, who in their brokenness seemed to have all aged decades in just days. I was angry that we had spoken the day before this happened and made plans for that following weekend. I thought for a long time that if I had been there one week sooner, .............. who really even knows how to finish a sentence like this?! ... I realized once I became a part of the AFSP that I didn't - and won't - ever understand what it feels like to reach that breaking point. I won't ever know what it means to stand on the edge and feel like the last step is the last resort. I won't, so I have no room to judge or speculate over what you felt, what you experienced. All I know is that I'm sorry, for perhaps not listening more, or not being a more proactive friend... whatever it was that I could've done to remind you that you were - ARE - loved. I'm sorry I didn't understand, and I miss you.

I love you my friend, and I hope that you have the most incredible birthday with little Braylon. You have no idea how much you're missed, every day by your family and friends.

.... missing you.

Happy birthday, Jena ♥

xo | cmd

Kalyn's Coming BACK!

BIG NEWS.. and since it's already made an appearance on Facebook, clearly it's no longer a secret:

yeah, you read it right.

Ok, so the bulk of that conversation happened yesterday, but it actually sunk in today, that one of my best friends from here, is moving back here, after being in Arizona for the past few years.

I remember the day we stood in a parking lot at IHop [..hush.] crying our eyes out over my moving to Illinois and her moving to Arizona. It was definitely not a good day, and in efforts to console each other, we half-heartedly joked that one day we'd end up in the same state and city again.

Bro, that's going to be the end of this month.
I can hardly stand it.

In honor of this girl's return, I tracked down my top 10 moments that crack me up, and thought for refreshment's sake, that I'd share them here... in something of a favorite order, but not really.

10 | Two-Wheeled Summers |

I'll start with a much older one. This was the summer we both spent riding together [this is actually the day of a wreck I had... fail.. ]. It makes me laugh because we were way less cool than we thought we were. It's okay though. Haha.

rip, bikes...

9 | Fatties! |

HA! So, this was a night that we, along with KP's sister Brittany, all piled into a hammock at a party.... and broke it. It would figure. Nothing says scale back on the food intake like busting a tethered freakin' yard hammock.

1-800-jennycraigyou'reapparentlyneeded..now

8 | Snow Bunnies |

To compensate for the horrible hammock-breaking incident, this is proof that even in the colder months, I promise we were staying active. This doesn't even scratch the surface of what happened that day. I'll leave it at that two of our group were on their first ever ski outing and took their first runs of the day down the black diamond. There were no broken bones, but it was still.. hilarious.

perfect north slopes

7 | Cincinnati Bell RUN LIKE HELL |

This is an annual 5k that takes place each Halloween in Cincinnati. It's a charity event hosted/sponsored by the Muscular Dystrophy Association. KP, Brittany, myself and a few of our friends grouped up and ran the 3ish miles dressed as the cast of Pacman. Too funny. 

just a couple of pacman ghosts at the run like hell

6 | 80's Birthday Parties |

Kalyn's 25th birthday party was a themed one, and we went all out. YES, I know that people in the 80's didn't always wear neon everything, but for the sake of a good time, they did on her birthday and we had a blast. We were both ready to make a life-sized print of this picture. 

there aren't words.... happy birthday? haha

5 | Bonfires ♥ |

I couldn't tell you exactly when this was taken, but I do know it was at the Gasiorowski's house, during the fall. There's nothing magical about this picture, but it's one of those simple ones that captures the awesomeness of just being simple. 

bonfires & best friends (:

4 | New Mexico, En Route |

When Kalyn moved to Arizona, she stopped on the way and picked me up. From there, it was a road trip to Phoenix, with multiple sight-seeing stops along the way. This one was one of my favorites from the adventure, taken on the border of Colorado and New Mexico.


road trip with the bestie

3 | National Park Fiesta |

Piggybacking on the last picture, this was also taken on our westward excursion [same day, actually, given our outfits, hah]. We voted to use the atlas for direction versus a GPS; by doing so, we all but stumbled upon the Great Sand Dunes National Park. After countless attempts to get a good shot of this, we did, in front of the great sand dunes and the rocky mountains themselves.


action shot success! take#84903270583103421381......

2 | Scottsdale, Years Later ;) |

I went back just this past year to visit Kalyn, after a lot of changes in both of our lives. It was a muuuuch needed getaway, but we picked up right where we left off, idiotic adventures and all. This was day 1 of my last visit, thanks to Keifer's patience and excellent photography skills. 

.. this is exactly what you think: an 8-foot-tall cowboy boot.

1 | LOVE. YOUR. FRIENDS. |

Okay, so the last four pictures were all in Arizona, but I figured that would be okay, if we're thinking in terms of chronology. Haha. Anyway, this was the last day I saw Kalyn in Scottsdale, actually just hours before I boarded a plane back to St. Louis. We spent that day lounging around at a PGA-rated golf club, drinking Peroni out of mason jars and listening to acoustic music. Not a shabby way to bid farewell to a friend! 

mountains in the back,
fairway in the front,
best friends in the middle!

Ahhhhhhh! It was tough picking just 10, but for the sake of sort-of-brevity, we won't do 20. Haha. Anyway, I said aaaaalll that to say that I'm freakin' elated that she is moving home. I'm pretty excited that Keifer will be making the move, too. It's gonna be a gooooood summer, friends. SAND VOLLEYBALL, WE'RE COMIN' FOR YA!

ohio-bound!

See you SOON, mama!

xo | cmd

OWL You Need Is Love ;)

Two things.

1. I have amazing people in my life, both new and old.

2. I'm pretty sure I'll never stop loving owls, even once the world-wide trend that they are now, has expired. I've always loved them, I love them now, and those amazing people I just mentioned, make sure that I keep getting my fixes, where they're needed (:

That being said, and ironically enough as it is, these are two things I got from two girls with whom I've worked. Both of them are [or were] Express FOC's, for different offices, but equally awesome in their own separate ways.

This is a shot from Ali:


i might attempt to own this. maybe. haha.

&& this, is from Elisa, my new FOC here in Cincinnati, who in just a few short weeks has noticed my affinity for the little hooty creatures [yes, I almost said hooters, and then remembered that 90% of the population would misinterpret that.... ].


owl magnets. italian marble camera coaster. kitty cat bandaid/tape!
so sweet!! thanks, elisa!!

She's pretty sweet. How thoughtful! I love it; the magnets are now up on my board here and the coaster will get its fair share of use, too.

DRUMROLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... for the BEST part of today:


minime!!

Tonight was our first night together in my new place. I can't even begin to tell you the gratifying feeling I had curled up on the couch at the end of the day with her. It felt exactly how it did when things weren't crazy, when we were like this every single day. It felt as though we hadn't skipped a beat, and I can't imagine having a Monday end any other way. This little girl, the reason I do what I do, just finished the sequence of things that I've needed to feel like I'm "home."
Owl You Need Is Love.
.. sure, you need some other stuff in there, too.. but let's face it, that's where it's really at.

My job. My house. My family. My boyfriend. My faith. My daughter.
I'm set (:

xo | cmd

Father's Day 2013

My dad.

I'd never sit here and tell you all that I had the perfect childhood. However, I definitely won't tell you I had a hard one, either. I wasn't a criminal at age 12 or anything like that; like the majority of small town kids, I had limited range to commit too much malarky. Be that as it was, I may've escaped my child and teen years without a juvenile record, but I still managed to put my parents through the ringer a few times before I moved out of the house.

It's one thing for a mom to rustle with her teenage daughter, and all of the angsty head-clashing that comes out of it. I fully expect to grit and grind with Sydni here and there when she's that age, because I know it's normal. It's another thing, though, for a Dad to learn the ways of coping with a hormonal teenage girl. Luckily for Dad, I wasn't one of those girls who had all kinds of teen-boyfriend drama, or genetic acne issues, or even .. I dunno, suppressed sexuality problems. No, nothing like that.

Most of the tension in my adolescent years stemmed from my adoption, and the abandonment issues that it created for me... regardless of what my parents could or would do.


1985. the first time i met my parents.

I'll start there. Any guy can easily become a father to another human being. It takes a man to become a Dad. It takes an even more rare breed of men to commit themselves into that life-long relationship with a child who is not theirs.

I met my parents for the first time in Denver, CO, when I was brought off the plane by the nuns of the orphanage back in the Philippines. Yes, I'm adopted. Yes, my parents were the original Brangelina ;). << I'm joking, but c'mon, as popular as foreign adoptions have become in the last decade, I can't help but giggle a little.
Anyway, I said all of that [and omitted much more] to say that I have been blessed, beyond words, with a DAD who gave everything he had to have a child with my mom. They tried nearly everything, but when they realized it wasn't meant to be for them to have a biological child, they prayed and found themselves choosing me out of a matrix of several other babies.

You don't realize how fortunate you are until you look at a composite of yourself and 15 other kids and know that not all of those children were selected right away by other families for adoption. Then you realize that you had it made - a family who provided for you, guarded you from people who didn't necessarily understand what couthe was when it came to addressing bi-racial families, and never once behaved like you weren't the product of their own fibers.

And while my mother was [and is] one of the strongest women I have ever met, my dad was the head of our household, and I never once had to question his dedication, his loyalty to our family, his availability when we needed him most, or the fact that he would do anything it took to make sure we had what we needed. He was DAD, through and through, the kind of man who makes mistakes and admits them, who loves unconditionally but enforces rules when they're broken.

We've been through a lot. I mean, a lot.
He's never once walked away or led me to think that I couldn't go back, even when I made some huge mistakes of my own. He's the definition of a Dad, and now a grandfather [aka "Pappy"], too.

just some of my family...
heidi. dad. jonathan. me. syd. mom

Sydni doesn't know just yet how lucky she is to have a grandpa like Dad.
She will, though. (:


pappy. syd. mama. | "3 generations"

Happy Father's Day, to my dad, and to all of the other real DADs out there who know what it's like to stick by theirs, without question, who commit without doubt, and who are there -- REALLY there --  when they're needed. It's because of parents like you that this world can still produce decent men and women.

♥ you dad

I love you, Dad.

xo | cmd

513 City Flea | Findlay Market | Camping



 PRIORITY #1: BREAKFAST!

eggggggggcellent ;)

Ya'll should already know exactly what I made for breakfast this morning. If you don't, well... it's Saturday, and Rob's here, so as tradition is starting to have it, it was the usual slow-scrambled eggs, potatoes and fruit. I realized this is the first real meal I've cooked from scratch in the new place, too. Nothing like great company and homecooked food to start the day.

With breakfast down, we were off towards Market & City Flea.

First stop: Market! We swung by to say hello to Mike & Becky, who were "working," haha. No, I'm kidding. They really do work, hard, too might I add, but they have a blast doing it, and I think that's awesome.

While we were waiting, we managed to, after a few discarded captures, get one of my favorite pictures from the entire weekend...

i'm in love.... with this man.

I absolutely adore that picture, so much so that it's now going on the permanent side roll to the right. Haha. Just sayin. I'm one lucky girl.

Anyway....
Becky was able to break away for a little while and get some vendor prospecting in with us down the road at the 513 City Flea in Washington Park. It was so stinkin' hot outside and the crowd was enormous, so we didn't stay too long, but it was a blast and I'm glad we went! 

513 city flea | washington park | cinci, oh

One reason I really wanted to go after Elisa reminded me about this yesterday:

sara & lauren : sister team of mixiestudio

dpsa 2006 | lauren. sara. corin

Sara & Lauren! It's been a liiiiitle while since I last saw either of these pretty gals, since I've been away for so long.. but long story short: they now have an adorable operation, Mixie Studio. You should check it out if you have some time. It's so. stinkin'. cute. (:

And for the sake of throwbacks to the babydays of DPSA ... haha.. I had to toss that one in there, for the sake of hilarity and how much we've grown since then.

Oh, and Becky bought some Italian marble coasters [*note to self, purchase some of these in July at the next 513!]

I took Rob to Eli's, since I'd promised a trip there. The place as usual was packed, but worth it, and I'm glad we were able to make it out.

We headed back to the house to mellow for a little while.. It's camping time now; we've just finished up pitching tents and looks like we're in for a fun night. I love my friends.

first camping trip together (:

Life is good.

xo | cmd

It's FRIIIIIDAY [& Rob's HERE!!!]

♕

It's FRIDAY!!! Hallelujah.

I wasn't sure this week was actually going to end, probably just because of how excited I was that Rob was coming to visit. I had prepared myself to run a few errands and get a couple of things done before the late hours when he arrived. I'm not a fan of waiting for things like this, so I started brainstorming ways to occupy myself before he showed up.

And then... he sent me this.
At 6:30pm. 

well, hello... not far away at all?!

Sneaky little fox! Haha. He took off work early today just to make it here a little sooner. I felt like a little kid when I saw this and realized he was less than 40 minutes out.

Becky & Mike had dropped off a bag of fresh carrots [straight from the garden, dirt and all ♥]; I busied myself cleaning those up some before I got a second message on my phone, containing a picture of my house with my car in the driveway. Haha. I love it.

Fast forward: We just finished dinner at The Comet [shocker, I know...] with Becky & Mike, and are calling it an early night. We'll get going on some fun stuff tomorrow: City Flea, Findlay Market, whatever else we get into, and maybe camping tomorrow night if the weather holds out.

He's here. I'm happy.

xo | cmd

ONE MORE DAY!

I'm totally spent.

Craigslist did its due diligence again today; I picked up a microwave for the new digs after work and got that, along with the rest of the kitchen fully assembled and in working order. The dishes are clean, shelved, and the appliances are all in their respective nests. Gosh, I love new used things (:

newest addition to the kitchen (:

The bathroom is clean, put away and ready to go, too.

It's been a long day.
TOMORROW............

recognize anyone?? ;)

^^ That's a screenshot Ali sent me a few months back, that I'm not sure I shared yet. If so, for the sake of repetition, sorry. If not, well, let's just say we had a goooood laugh over the fact that:

1. Ali was Google searching "Ginger Lumberjacks," but more and most importantly,
2. On that third row down, third picture from the left, is definitely a fluffed up, goofy shot of Rob, that I took one night at Bindy's.

I have no idea how that made it onto Google as a qualified image for that search, but it's still funny. The point of it though, is that that certain ginger lumberjack, in all of his not-really-a-ginger awesomeness, is coming to visit me for the weekend, starting tomorrow.

I. Am. SO. Excited!
Now cross your fingers it doesn't rain on Saturday; City Flea & camping with M&B, here we come!

xo | cmd