& A Bunch of Random Stuff I Find Online

Every once in a great while, I find myself saving random articles, pictures, tutorials and creative project/recipe ideas off of whatever source they originated. I discovered today that they're starting to overrun space on my desktop; not that there isn't ample room there to share, but it's looking cluttered.

So here's an entry where I use my blog as a personal remember-this-for-later type board..

First things first:
FOOD. [Don't act surprised]:
[also, click on the pictures to enlarge, if you can't see .08 font ;) ..]

1. Banana Burritos ... or, if you're in Asian mode, Sushana:

things to try with syd!

2. Jelly Worms [these look tricky.. but fun .. for Fall & Halloween!]

wiggly...

3. Casseroles. You can so rarely go wrong with giving me a casserole recipe. The fact that there is an entire stick.. of butter, makes me want to prepare this for and send it to Marianne. Haha.

"curse youuu, paula deen!!!"
[and jk, i don't think is a pd recipe...]

4. Cookies. Don't ask. Just make.

things i promise to only make once a week.. at work...

These things are gonna make me start drooling... I'm such a foodie.. not to be mistaken with critic.. just a fanatic.. of food.. more specifically, eating it. No shame. Haha (:

This one made me laugh. A random number called my cell phone while I was at work, so instead of answer it, both for the obvious reason of my being at work, but also because I didn't even recognize the area code, I let the voicemail pick up. I later Googled the number; apparently G+ thought I needed help pronouncing it... assuming I know each sound component of the English alphabet letters already.

ohhhh, so that's why english-inept speakers sound so strange to us:
"fahyv" ??

^ Really? Twenty-six letters to memorize, but you've not yet done 1 through 10? Hmm. "Fawr, fohr." I think I'll start handing out my number in that format. "Eyt,... too,... fawr..." Yikes.

And then there's this... making me appreciate cotton and satellites in ways I probably never would have before:

thank you, buzzfeed.

Yyyyup.

Lastly, for today at least, I found a shirt that I wouldn't mind owning. It makes no sense, which is part of the quirky fun about it, but it's part of a tshirt company whose claim is in the printing of fun stuff specific to various parts of the Midwest [USA]. As someone who hails [mostly] from the MW, I have to say that many of my non-MW friends certainly do this.. a lot. This made me laugh especially after having lived in Illinois, to which nearly everyone would immediately reply, "Illinois? Ah, cool! Chicago!" ....nnnnnnnnnnnnnn...o.

want.

^ Looking at that, I realized I should probably start forming my birthday and Christmas wish list... more for myself than for anyone else.. haha.

Anyway, that's enough menial stuff for today.

xo | cmd

Feed. Me.

running ... ♥

Today was the first time in a couple of weeks that I managed a distance run. Well, let me take that back: I wouldn't call it a distance run, really, because it was only 4.5 miles, but it's more than I've done in a couple of weeks in one outing, and as little as it seemed, I definitely walked away with some light runner's high.

Which reminded me how blessed and fortunate I am to be one of the many of us with access to both the knowledge of and resources to obtain some of the stuff I've been devouring lately.

I'll start with this morning:

BAM! Four of my favorite things: Baby mason jars, greek yogurt, honey & fresh berries!

i am all over this breakfast.

I didn't do half bad with the rest of the day either. My resolve, for either this week or early next week, is to take my packed-lunch to a new level and get the avocados involved. It's not everyone's taste, but I love avocados and when paired with tuna and some peppers, it literally makes me salivate. 

this makes me drool.. ahhhh

^ I'm not even hungry as I write this but if you were to hand me one of these, I'd absolutely finish every last bite. Nom nom nom....

And lastly, on my list of ÜBER easy and healthy little munchers [thanks, Mom, for your relentless insisting that I eat and be healthy as a kid!].. kale chips! I downed almost a half tray of these daily for a few days before my last blood drive, just to be on the safe side with my iron levels. It takes nothing at all to make these if you time it just right, like my mom does, they get crisp enough to pretty much melt in your mouth.

crunchy, salt-free spice, baked .. perfection.

Also, thanks to my fit-finesse cousin Jamie, I'm extra inspired to start on a warpath of healthy recipes for some daily variation while I'm at work [because let's be honest, a salad every single day, even for the healthiest of healthgoons, is annoying]:

& of course, a bottle of wine ;) haha.. love her.

So theeeeere ya have it..
I need an accountability partner. Haha.
Target: TM2014. Haha. I'll keep ya posted!

xo | cmd

The Reason I've Not Mowed the Lawn [Yet.]

There are two things of which I am absolutely terrified.
One is irrational, and the other is.. semi-irrational at best, but still very legitimate in my head.

The first, and thankfully irrelevent in this case: clowns. I loathe all things clown-esque. I said that this was my irrational fear. The internet tells me this is called Coulrophobia; I don't care whether or not it's been assigned a psuedo-medical term or not, it's no joke in my world. I hate clowns [not the people under them, but the idea of them, the appearance of them, and just about every other creepy thing about them].

But it is my other, equally-daunting fear is the reason for my consternation today.

a-men.

I am an absolute arachnophobic. I'm self-diagnosed, yeah, but I don't need a doctor to tell me that I hate spiders. I don't just hate them, I actually fear them. Ok, not all of them - I mean I don't think I've ever been skiddish of Daddy Long Legs.... but if I'm being honest, the buck stops there. For the rest of them, NO. THANK. YOU.

To illustrate this for you:

Here is an exaggerated statement of how many people can see spiders [or at least those who are complacent at most to their existence]:

And then, there's me, and the mode into which my body immediately transforms, involuntarily:

yes.
when i see a spider, i become a dying character from a sci-fi movie...

Now, before all of you entomologists jump on this and discredit my fears, let me just tell you this. I have tried multiple times to find some sort of middle ground with spiders. I try this a lot; for examples, I'm not a fan of pickles or tomatoes, but every once in a while, I approach one with an open mind thinking things might have changed. I still don't like pickles or tomatoes. Since spiders have this way of staring back at me and twitching unpredictably, I've started to believe it's a lost cause.

IN MY DEFENSE? I've owned pythons, five 6" piranhas, and even a rather testy little chameleon [don't let anyone fool you, those things can be mean], with no issues. I'm not squeamish really of any other creatures quite the way I am with spiders. I don't... know... what it is.

That being said, a couple of weekends ago, I swung open my front door only to be confronted by a spider the size of a quarter. I'm not exaggerating. The reason I know this, is because I saw either the same culprit or one of its cohorts guarding the entrance to my backyard shed.

And heeeeeere comes the point of this rant:

i have named him vladimir.
he is vladimir the likely-misunderstood-but-still-unwelcomed visitor.

I haven't mowed my lawn yet, because when I went out to do just that this evening, I was met with a cobweb the size of a trash can lid [note: webs I do not mind; in fact, I think they're beautiful..]. Not only did I not want to disturb such intricate weaving, but I quickly spotted its owner: a fat, fuzzy [which are the worst, fyi], glassy-eyed savage who I just know was waiting for me to move an inch before it sprung into attack mode. Call me episodic, but let's be honest, it was enough to deter me from getting the mower, so I'm here re-grouping, and committing to do this another day.. at that time probably with a broom and a very large tsinila [Filipinos everywhere just died a little.. haha] in hand.

I'm glad my shed is secluded in my backyard, away from the public eye that would otherwise easily witness me fleeing in Godzilla-like terror if that thing touches me.

So, with that being said, here I shall remain parked for at least the next few minutes, researching pictures of spiders in an attempt to correctly identify which one is lurking outside my house and patrolling my shed. So, if you'll excuuuuuuse me, I'm off to write up a battle plan.

Oh, it's on.

xo | cmd

Fallish Mondays

I said a few days ago that it is starting to finally feel like Fall! I'm not typically a girlish person, nor have I ever been a trendsetter of any sort, but I admit I was a little excited today to break out the autumn color pallet and boots. I love boots. It's beanie & boot season, now.

I'm pumped.

fall colors, here we come!

 Oh, and yenno what else was pretty daggone awesome today?

yeah. buddy!!

I took to the house to wrap up a few things there before heading out to Salem Gardens to meet up with Kalyn & Keifer to watch the game. I declined a couple of invitations to tailgate tonight at the stadium because 1] I wasn't going to the actual game, 2] traffic/parking down there is a heinous affair not worth the stress, and 3] I'm an old lady apparently incapable of functioning during the work week if I'm up too late. And that would have been way.. too late. The three of us barely made it to the third quarter before we opted to finish it up at home after some grub & a few drinks.

We're apparently all old folks; I don't feel so individually guilty. Haha. Either way, the good old Cats brought a WIN on home turf against the Steelers, which means my father and uncle [born/raised in Pittsburgh] will likely not speak to me for a week now... haha.

Kinda-sorta-short week this week; we're Detroit-bound Friday!

xo | cmd

Sunday Screed + River Time With Friends

Ranty blog entry, comin' riiiiight up.
[you've been warned]

Actually, let me do this in reverse order, from the last half of the day first.

Sydni and I went to church this morning [about which the latter part of this entry will spiel], and afterwards headed home to try a nap [no success] and tidy up the house some. We were done with plenty of time to spare by the time Becky was off work, so we headed up to Northside, picked her up and headed out to the water.

Oh, and check out what she picked up for me at Market!

I. Love. It. [Thanks, Becky!!!]

Anyway, our original plan was to go kayaking, but we changed our minds at the last minute and piled all three of us into a canoe instead. Sydni had a blast.

canoeing with miss becky | viewing window at dewey's!

We finished up on the water after a little while and decided it was dinner time; Sydni said she wanted pizza, so we were off to Dewey's in Oakley - another spot I've not been in years.. at least not the Oakly store. Mike joined in and the four of us did some work on some food before parting ways for the evening. Perfect way to round out the weekend!

************************************

So yeah.. like I said I wanted to get back to, and focus today primarily on the revelation I had this morning and how that's been spanning over the course of my day so far. Here's where this becomes a diatribe.

 

Sydni and I went to church this morning: It was my second time visiting SonRise, and Syd's first. She seemed hesitant at first, but then discovered the tube slide that serves to introduce kids into the classrooms, and immediately threw all caution to the wind. From what I saw and heard afterwards, she loved her class, teacher and the other kids in with her.

 

What hit me this morning, was this: 

I landed in SonRise in the middle of a sermon series, which is not uncommon and I was curious to see how much I'd missed. The focal point of this series is human emotion and how that corresponds/correlates with the presence of God in our lives and His purpose for us. Today was honed in on anger. What's most interesting about anger is that it's one of the hardest emotions to break; even psychiatrists and behavioral scientists don't have failproof methods to combat it. I realized today that I grossly underestimated the amount of anger I had - and still have - in certain areas of my life. 



break free. i will.

If you have, for some reason, been following along over the course of the past year or so, it's no secret to you that I've put myself and been put by others through some not-so-pretty things. I went through a divorce, started dating someone new, relocated across two states, started a new job and found myself back in Cincinnati, both to my disappointment and relief. That's the shortest version of the recap. I've always coined myself a resilient person adaptable to most types of change, but even for me, it was a little much.  

 

Today it hit me that the anger I have inside me, mainly directed a few individuals, is deep-seeded, beyond what I originally thought was just the past year or so. I realized today, that it started over four years ago. I'm not naturally a bitter or resentful person, so for me, that's a long time to be angry with the same person[s]. It wasn't until that anger turned to hate... literally hate in my heart for things that both were and weren't in my control. I started building a prison around my own heart.

 

I have been crippling myself with this, more evidently so in the past year. From 2009 to the end of 2011, I had become an angrier person than I had ever been, ever. No, not angry as in physically-aggressive or violent, but emotionally furious: with some other people, with the stagnant state of my life, but most of all with myself for keeping record of things in my head but keeping my mouth shut about them until it was too late. In 2012, I made and went through with the final choice to end my marriage, which still stings to think about [not the other person, but the idea that I was a part of something that had become toxic to the point of ripping us both apart as separate people if we forced it any further]. Things boiled over: Things I'd left unsaid for three years, reasons I felt the way I did and harsh judgments and facts that at the time seemed entirely justified to say out loud. They came rushing out in ways I didn't even expect: lists on lists of reasons we had failed, why I was so enraged, to the core, and unequivocally inconsolable

 

People tried to help me. Family, who fortunately in my world is always there for me, first, and of course my closest friends at the time, all tried to be an outlet in one way or another for me. But no... I was too angry, too hurt, too embarrassed by it all, too exhausted to slow down and put a white-hot boiling heart on my sleeve for the world to see. Instead, I shut down. I stopped speaking all together, to just about everyone.. about anything that mattered, that is. People even as close as co-workers wouldn't have been able to feel the heat, because I made it a direct point to shelter people around me from the burden of whatever strife I had going on. Only those carried by gusts of gossip or those as close to me as I'd let any of them had any inkling of how defeated and abandonded I really felt.

 

Here's the thing that hit me today: I can't do this anymore. More than that, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so relieved [& honest] to report that now, not even a year after my divorce, that I am happy. I really am, and it's genuine this time. It's sincere, not urged or forced for the sake of blending in or standing out, whichever was called for. I'm happy, from the inside out and not the other way around.

 

However,

 

By that, I primarily mean that, we'll call it 98% of what was causing me to deteriorate before, has been removed and replaced with new, functioning elements that have been integral parts of my repair so far. The 2% I can't claim, though, is the lingering amount of anger I still have, because I am both stubborn and human. Because I have realized the anger I have, its targets and I have recognized that I will NOT be able to do a 180 turnaround overnight. I will continue praying, and continue focusing my energy on letting go of things beyond my control and out of my hair.

 

I will give you two very real, very legitimate reasons that I have to do this:  

they love me, & deserve the unfiltered best of my love

^ I admitted to myself today that I am not capable of loving the important people in my life now, the way I want to and the way they deserve, if I'm still harboring resentment or hate for anyone from my past. Chapters of my life were written and closed for a reason, and I need to focus now the fact that it didn't destroy me; in actuality it made me stronger, wiser and in some ways, more passionate about the ones I love and the causes in which I believe. It's taught me the stark differences between fake and real, forced and natural, and surface feelings versus a state of being that starts from places deeper than I've ever been before.
 

MONTHS ago, I started a series of letters. By series, I mean just a handful, but very specific and very different, in there own ways. Those letters will not be shared here, at least not by me, but it is my committment to an invitation given today by a Pastor I've yet to get to know well, to initiate the first step of forgiving: Them AND/or myself. I'm scared to admit that the latter will most definitely be harder than the first, but the angry cycle I'm in now has to break. 

 

I didn't much enjoy it while I was sitting through it this morning, feeling that familiar conviction when it seems like a lesson was written with your face in mind. It doesn't always happen that way, but when it does, I sit and hang onto each word, knowing that if I'm doing that, I must need it more than I thought.

 

I'll leave it at that.

 

Yours truly,  

imperfect, but trying.
i'm not giving up.

xo | cmd

✿ Saturday With Sydni ✿

This is how today started:

not complaining one bit.

& Then...
SOCCER PRACTICE!

soccer monster!

-- I felt like I was back in my childhood, except on the other end of it now. I've only seen pictures of me then, but they were not unlike the scene today: Sydni in her pint-sized soccer gear - cleats and all - and a t-shirt that even in the smallest size available drooped off her tiny frame. As much as I tried for the pigtail today, it looked unusually disheveled by the time we got there, which in a way magically available only to little girls, made her look that much cuter.

so cute. so. stinkin'. cute.

soccer kiddies

And some short but fun action I captured [*note to self, take an actual camera next time.]
 

^ My little [future] left-wing (:

^ Red Light, Green Light!

I just.. can't get enough. (: (: (:

Soccer practice off the checklist, we made a break for iHOP.. because it's Saturday, pancakes sounded amazing, and we had no agenda. We were already in Mason, so once breakfast was out of the way, we made a stop at Half Price Books and came out with a couple of movies, a book for Sydni, and of course: Insurgent. I couldn't resist buying it, but didn't feel like paying retail for the thing [proud consumer moment]. It's the second of the Divergent series that I started last week.

insurgent by veronica roth

And ok.. I originally planned to start the thing today, while Sydni napped or snuggled up for a movie at the end of the evening or something. No. Instead, I devoured it cover-to-cover before tonight was over. I'm still blaming Nikki for getting me hooked. It's. So. Good.

Between chapters [& Sydni's nap), we got outside for bike riding, bubbles into the sunset, and some hiking around the area. She's my little trooper!

bubbles into the sunset: i could literally do this every day.

& again, because we're spoiling ourselves today, Graeter's!

hahaha.. graeters!!!

.. And that is how we do it on a Saturday. Tomorrow we'll be on the river for a bit, but for now it's time to call it a day.

xo | cmd

Friday The 13th!

.. and all that jazz...

Jk. That sutff doesn't really bother me.
... But just for safe measures, Sydni and I didn't do anything intensely precarious tonight. Haha.

The Friday fun started at work, when we did our weekly Friday lunch. This week it was Rusty Bucket, which was a sure blast from the past. I've not been there since I lived in Norwood... which was just, yenno, a mere six years ago. [Holy cow]. Anyway, not mad.. it was delicious, and Elisa, Nikki and I promised we wouldn't speak in detail of how carniverous we looked inhaling our lunch. Hah.. (:

rusty bucket veggie burger... y-u-M.

ahhhhhdore her.

After work, it was straight to get Sydni and off to do some grocery shopping. It's always an adventure with her, and tonight, because of a couple of select things that I couldn't find at Target or really just anywhere else, I settled on Wal-Mart. Sydni gave me her own shopping list:

[As read aloud to me from her "list," which was actually a {beautiful} purple circle with polka dot spots inside it.. apparently each signifying a grocery item. I've yet to decipher this code.. but I digress...]

1. Bread
2. Peanut Jelly [yes, the blend of two great things]
3. Pasketti [spaghetti]
4. Carrots & Ranch Dressing
5. Yogurt
6. Waffles, but "not the kind with spots" [aka blueberries or chocolate chips]
7. A castle. Maybe next time on that one.
8. A pony.

We didn't get the castle, but we may or may not have made some freely adapted arrangements for a pony.. (:

Aaaaaaaand, I almost failed to mention: today was the first day that I walked outside before work to air that just felt like fall. You know.. that crisp pinch and that leafy smell, or whatever the scientists will call it. I realized it's finally turning seasons, and while that means many things, the first and most important thing is that it's indicative of BEANIE SEASON!
-- What's beanie season? Easy: It's a span of time in which the weather will allow the wearing of beanies. Haha. I refrained all summer, since I already have a solar panel built onto the top of my head. Wearing a beanie on top of that would probably melt me.



beanie season!!!

The evening consisted of Syd and I sticking close to the house; it's been bike riding, bubble blowing and coloring. She's fighting off sleep now, and I think it's time I help her - and me - get some shut eye. Tomorrow's soccer practice and whatever else we can get ourselves into.

G'Nite!

xo | cmd