She Loves - Series Day 6: Speak Light

Proverbs 31:26 - She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. [NIV]

So.... Are you readin' this, self? I mean, I know you're reading it, but are you listening?

Wheeeere to start and what to say with this one, huh. I read this today, and while I don't think? I've said anything extraordinarily stupid today, I can definitely say my days of unwise and misguided verbal vomit are-a-plenty. Also.. italics. So dramatic. :|

This is the verse after my mantra verse, from the other day on the list as well, which is part of a big picture descriptive of the Noble Wife. While verse 25 speaks to her inner edification, this encompasses how she expresses her character.

I'm by no means a strong verbalizer when it comes to politics. If there's ever been a more appropriate time to understand the impact we have with the words we speak and what that reflects about who we are. It is... so much more than whatever candidate you're supporting as we near the election. I think we can all agree that regardless of what social media platform you use, or if it's even online at all, decisions of this magnitude have always delivered to us the ugliest versions of ourselves and those around us.

election 2016

Since the presidential campaigning started, my newsfeed has been a collection of wedding photo albums and political banter. Literally two polar opposites. The first a reel of people celebrating love & unity, and the latter divisive, intentionally brutal and defaming words against the other opponent and anyone in support of said opponent. And in a lot of cases, you can find both on the same person's page.

So here we are, raising kids, trying to be decent humans among our peers and especially to our kids, with the ever-growing pressure to speak out about         (you name it)         . To have a voice. A backbone. A position.

And frankly, I am a firm believer in doing exactly that: standing up for what we believe to be true, right and real. I believe that if I'm losing anything, it won't be without a passionate fight. But therein lies the trap of getting from the start to finish line without falling prey to saying things we know we don't mean, attacking people out of misguided emotion, and in the wake, leaving behind a trail of who we really are when the stakes are high and the pressure is real.

I want to segue from there to a quick brag moment, on one of my closest and most... enduring friends. This girl and her boyfriend arrived late tonight after driving 12+ hours to pick up their new puppy in Indiana. They started in Vermont before the sun was up, and pulled up to our house long after the darkness had settled in.

mare & the newest member of her clan: cooper! 

I'll try to keep this concise, but there are a few things that the world should know about Mare:
She's a veteran of both the military and of life. She has been to the edge of hell, and came back. She's damaged because of it, and doesn't pretend not to be. She's the exact opposite, actually. It took a whole lot of digging out of emotional and psychological pits for her to find solid ground, and some days are still better than others. She is the picture of resilience, in her own fantastic way. In my opinion, she is a wonderfully restored soul, who has slowly forged new and rewarding paths as a result of chaos or conflict, instead of allowing them to erase her. I am thankful to serve the same God that replenishes people like her - like all of us, and honored to call him my own saving grace.

I have admired this about my friend since the day I met her, and I am very proud to say that when I find myself cornered by my own human nature, she is among the small handful of people on whom I can count to provide me a perfectly portioned, side-by-side serving of empathy and uncomfortable [but exact] wisdom. As I say this though, let me add the caveat that it's not solely because she's "been through it," but because this girl is also one of the strongest Christians I know. And one of the most broken. And because of that, because she has seen the redemptive power of giving all of that brokenness, all of the darkness, all of everything, to a God who is bigger than we can even imagine... and has found light in return. That is why I am proud to call her my friend, but beyond that, I have seen the proof of God's presence in her life, and how that continues every day to transform her more and more into a woman of noble character. When she gives advice, I know it is driven by scripture - by truth, by experience and by faith. I have faith it will usually be wise.

One definition of Wisdom is literally this:
Knowledge of  what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; ... discernment or insight. 

How do we even begin to separate right from wrong? How do we develop healthy discernment [versus unhealthy paranoia]? In real time, right now, how do we channel our beliefs on what is right or wrong into an expression that aligns with who we want to be as a human, as an example?

All. good. questions.
And no, guys, I don't have all those answers. Sorry. I am only as wise as the research I do on my own. The guidance I seek from those more-seasoned than me. My faith can only be anchored as far as I'm willing to "test the saints." I'm nothing more than a speck on the map, and a URL on the world wide web... but my not-so-secret plan to leave my mark as a Christian daughter, mother, sister, wife, friend, coworker, teammate and stranger is this:

I will trust that with every.single.day, the mercies I don't deserve are brand new. I will believe that all humans - myself most absoluuuutely included, are broken to some degree on the spectrum. I legitimately do believe that the majority of the people that at least I know, while varying in political, religious, economic, professional, social [etc. etc.!] positions, want what they believe is best not just for them, but for those around them. I like to think they believe whole-heartedly in the things they choose to advocate publicly. I don't and won't agree with some of them. I agree with others. I choose to respect both. I will participate only in conversations that I am confident I am prepared to have, with the understanding that nobody is better than me, nor I than anyone else. When I inevitably agree-to-disagree with anyone, it will be because we have different but equally-educated positions on the matter at hand.

And I will speak wisely, with respect and love.
And I will not always succeed. And I will use the failed attempts as fuel to develop my own self-control and discernment. And I will have good and bad days. And I will teach my daughter the value of both. And she will fail. And then she'll succeed. And we'll rely through it all on our God who has already seen the coming days. We will pray, and we will listen.

My hope is that you all have a friend in your life like Mare. Or maybe you are that friend. Most importantly, I encourage you to reach this entire chapter in Proverbs. See where it leads you! To recognize the fact that every single one of us is capable of finding and embracing wisdom, love and light is crazy incredible. I know this entry seemed a little scattered, but I'm far from checking off 'figured it out' off the list. So in the meantime, I'll make conscious efforts to speak wisdom, and with faithful instruction when it's my turn.

Happy midweek - love you blogbots!

xo | cms

She Loves - Series Day 2: Confidence!

Of all the things I really wanted to do on a Saturday morning, I'd say getting out of bed and being at the BMV by 8am is not on among them. However, I can now add 'Be the first person that day to be serviced at the BMV' to the list - that's never been me before and until Sydni starts driving, I can assure you it won't ever be again.

The ladies at the BMV are so much friendlier first thing in the morning, having not been jaded by a day's worth of people standing in line right in front of them. They were so accommodating that they offered to retake my new driver's license picture, if I didn't like it [I waived the offer, but when does that ever happen?], and in under 10 minutes, I'd filled out new paperwork for my license name change, gotten the picture, received said license and renewed my plates for 2017.... all without having to leave and come back for any missing document. If there's anything I'll count as an accomplishment today, it's this, hah..

I came home for all of 15 more minutes, and while Rob was getting dressed, read today's verse on the list:

Proverbs 31:25 - She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. [NLT]

Ok, so this one I use a little more frequently. Okay a lot. I use this one a lot. If you look over there to the right somewhere [on desktop view], I have it bannered as one of my mantra's. Why? Because it is everything that I hope to actually be and do, simultaneously.

If you dig a little into this section of Proverbs, you'll see that chapter 31 is a poetic epilogue outlining traits of a "noble wife." Leading up to verse 25, the chapter basically describes a woman of stalwart work ethic, discernment, compassion, integrity, dignity, patience, graciousness, determination, honor, commitment and bold humility. Like I said - GOALS.

So when v. 25 comes along and says that this noble wife [or woman, or really, man for that matter!] is clothed with strength and dignity, I imagine two characters:

One is a literal, fictional heroine, whose end destiny from page one was to discover that her seemingly mundane life was pre-calibrated to culminate in some box office 90-minutes of enthrallment, in which she realizes her mission is to save humanity. She allies with a carefully selected support cast to honorably defeat some previously invincible adversary, does so after decimating Chicago, L.A. or NYC [*sigh, again?] in a battle royale, and walks away with combat-resistant makeup remaining fully intact. Oh, and some type of military grade, fully functional leather bodysuit and high heeled boots. I swear, the wardrobe.. Who RUNS in heels? Hollywood has conditioned me, yeah. But anyway, that's the first image I see when I think of literally being "clothed" in strength and dignity.

And the other is also a very literal character, but one you'd more likely find on the Hallmark channel than on TBS. She's single young mother, disowned by family & friends who expected more from her. She's the same single mom who years later is fighting back a breakdown after her hours get cut one more time at that job she desperately needs to keep her and her kids in that 1 bedroom apartment. Or she's the executive mom who solely provides for her family, and in doing so, has to be reminded daily that her obligation will cost nearly all the precious time spent with them. She's maybe the married woman whose dream was to have children, but is now forcing herself to maintain when the doctors tell her she can't. Maybe she's the woman who's decided she doesn't want children, and faces the very real pressure and perhaps disdain of those around her for "being selfish." Or maybe she's somewhere in between all of that - she is the kid in any one of those scenarios. She's a homeless teenager. She's a college student paving her own way through and trying not to give in to the pressures of a broken world. She's going in for another round of chemo treatment that will make her sick for days after. She's losing herself in a damaging relationship. She's returned from war only to be staring down the barrel of PTSD every time she blinks.  Or yes, it could be that HE is any one of these things - father, son, brother, patriot, partner. HUMAN, swimming against the current of temptations to take shortcuts or the easy, crooked way out. The human that knows there is a fight worth waging, but is just.... tired.

And the latter - the people I encounter probably more often than I realize - these are who I've come to realize are truly, truly embodying the kind of strength and dignity I want to have. I want to be a woman whose strength is measured not only in her resolve, but in her resilience. In her tenacity. In the amount of hope she is ready to rely on when the ground gives out under her feet. And I do also want to live with dignity. Dignity is literally defined as speech or conduct indicative of one's respect, self-appreciation and noble character. They're not interchangeable, but instead are the perfectly balanced combination of bravery and humility. If I'm mindful of this, then my pride and ego have very little room to ruin a good - or worsen a bad - thing.

I heard recently that humble strength is just frankly more efficient, if nothing else, than strength of dominance will ever be. I see it as a sprint, versus a marathon. History should teach us that volatile, self-absorbed dictators very rarely had voluntary supporters, let alone reciprocated love. Yet those who actively lead by examples of selflessness and integrity, even and maybe especially in seasons of hardship, found respect, admiration and loyalty - often without asking for it, let alone demanding it. If you need a good example of someone like that [other than Christ], you could start with Mother Teresa.....

But moving on to the second half of this verse:

... and she laughs without fear of the future.

Do I though? Like, sometimes, yes, literally I do [out loud, for dramatic effect]. And then other times, if I'm being really honest with myself, the future scares me to the point where I start bringing up old things and creating new, ridiculous ones to freak out about. Hmm.. remember when the roof leaked at the rental house 3 addresses ago? Hope that doesn't happen again here.. Now, what if my brakes do go bad on my way to work? But what if a tree falls on the house? And whoa, what IF Sydni breaks her arm on the playground?!  What will we do when I get laid off from my job? < As you can see, I move quite swiftly in my head from wonder-worry to assuming all these things are inevitably happening, and I end up having started with a mild original concern about replacing car brakes to letting Web MD diagnose me as already dead. Get a grip, self.

Given that it's election season 2016 - and a particularly .... weird one at that, I think this second stanza is quite applicable. The context of this verse in the Bible is not really a command, but rather a statement, about the woman I want to be. She is - and I want to be - a woman whose future is not some roulette wheel of disasters, but rather an uncharted span of time that will feed her both joy and disappointment. She'll have good days and bad days, just like she does now, and she'll without a doubt make some more great and super-stupid choices. She'll hurt and get hurt, but she'll embrace her shortcomings and be intentional in not repeating the same mistakes.

And through it all, she'll do so because she IS clothed in strength and dignity. And she was clothed that way because she has trusted in the creator of her, and of who she is destined to become. In my own life, I've found happiness and reward through family, friends, work and play, but none that compares to knowing that at the end of the day, I am a child of Christ and I have a purpose bigger than a paycheck or a status. I am here because I was put here, to love other people where they are: strong in their own unique ways, dignified because we are both humans cut from the same fabric, and beautiful, because we both chose to get out of bed and face the good and the bad days.

I have been and will get hurt, and I have and will unfortunately hurt someone else.
I have given and received forgiveness, often unearned by human standards.

I did and do screw up, and I did and do recover.

I will and want to be noble, and I will and want to be called a good and faithful servant in the end.

And I am strong. And I have dignity. And I'm unafraid of tomorrow.
I pray the exact. same. thing. for you ♥

Love you, blogbots!

xo | cms

Proverbs 4:23

I was doing a little bit of reading this morning, something that I admit escapes me more often than not due to my love of sleeping in. Let's be honest: I'm not nearly as diligent as I need to be. 

BUT, this morning, I managed to get my Bible open before the work notebook, and realized that in spite of its worn-out spine, pages rubbed thin by my flipping them over the years and the overall appearance of a book, this thing... could never be fully absorbed. 

Here's the deal: I'm heading out this weekend with Becky for a mini retreat; we'll be in a treehouse reflecting on the road behind us and re-calibrating ourselves for the road of 2015. So much of what that will demand of me requires me to do one simple thing: 

Guard. My. Heart. 

guest blog : marianne! 

As with every worthwhile objective, it's easier said than done. It's a huge undertaking in and of itself; applying it to the daily drudge can be daunting if we don't know how to do it. I had that spark of inspiration to get in and do some writing of my own. That's kind of my thing whenever I feel compelled to translate the mess in my head into strings of words. 

And then.... I remembered that my awesome friend Marianne is currently overseas embedded in the field of missions and giving of herself to the field. There was a post of hers from December that is wholly applicable both then, now and really at any point. 

I give all the credit for this entry to her, and am thankful that she took the time to sit down and organize those thoughts into something we can all follow and reference. 

So if you're ready to really examine the question of why it's mandatory that we guard our hearts and minds [or what that even means??], then click HERE. 

If for some reason you can't click that, then just follow this link: 

http://isaiahsixeight.tumblr.com/post/105042431882/between-the-cappuccinos-and-the-gospel

Powerful stuff, am I right?!
Except seriously, I'm insanely proud of that girl & I'm grateful to have her as an added source of encouragement. Love you, Mare!

If you're interested in what she's doing over in Italy, check it out HERE.

prov 4:23

xo | cmd