She Loves - Series Day 5: Be Brave

I'm having a major Aha moment as I get ready to write this. JLKRU#*$&(PQDE. Seriously, this one made me laugh audibly, because I was literally so, so wrong.

So just when I thought yesterday, 'tomorrow's verse will probably be me repeating everything I've said today,' God stepped in and proved otherwise. I mean, technically He didn't step in; He was was already there, knowing this miniature lesson would happen long before I was even born. Kind of like a curvy road, where you are certain there's a hairpin turn just over that hill, but instead it's a stop sign at a 4-way intersection? [I'm all about analogies, folks]. But yeah, this is kinda like that. The road didn't step in to change its course; it was already there.

And perhaps that's way deeper an analogy than is needed for this [actually it is], but whatever. TODAY was normal for the most part, or at least the version of normal that is normal for us. And then we got home, and Sydni said something in rebuttal on why she did something: "MYOB," she muttered. Days before this she'd told me that at school, this acronym means, Mind Your Own Business. There was of course immediate reprimanding, which in this case meant standing in a corner for 7 minutes, loss of iPad privileges and a conversation at the end to discuss why it was said, why we have consequences and why we don't behave like that in the future.

seven, sassy... sydni ♥

I was fully prepared to put on my stern but forgiving mom face, because that's what I've learned generally works for these things, but no less than 30 seconds into our Come here and talk with me chat, my 7-year-old started opening up to me about everything that's weighed on her heart from school over the past couple weeks. She shared with me that she has a couple of good friends, but also has bullies in her class. Through tears not because of our earlier encounter at home, she told me she is sad because people are mean and although she tries to be nice to them, she gets angry and is sometimes mean in return. And she doesn't like being mean, and she doesn't know how to stop being angry when it's happening and that she knows she's not being a good example. And she doesn't feel like anyone else is trying to be a good example, and it's hard being the only one.

And in that moment, I crumbled. I cringed at the harsh words that other children use with each other. With how that makes her feel. With the part of her innocence that is peeling away layer by layer, because she is doing something completely natural: Growing up. With the fact that there's nothing I can do to console her in these moments, because she has her mother's stubborn tendencies when she's upset.

We talked at the foot of the staircase for almost an hour. I grappled with two channels running simultaneously in my mind: one of all the ugliness I've seen up to this point as an adult, resulting from the pressures and perceived unrealistic expectations of this world. I've seen people give in, give up, or lose themselves entirely. The other of my daughter - my child, who is still waiting on her adult teeth to grow in, experiencing and processing through new, uncomfortable emotions for the first time.

She told me kids call her dumb, an idiot and stupid. 

As a parent, there were several different emotions I experienced in that split second. Let's be real: Biting my tongue from nobody who was actually in room is tough. I listened as she bared her heart to me, and prayed that I would find the right words to say. She is my first [and only, for now] child, so every day is very much new for both of us. We are learning as we go, and honestly, I swallowed down more than a few knots of almost-fear and discouragement as we sat and talked. How do I handle this?! How do I help her feel better? HOW am I supposed to protect her?! 

And then that still small voice said [very directly] to me exactly what I hadn't realized was on today's list for verses:

Joshua 1:9 - Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. [NIV]

Again, my Aha moment.
Heck yeah I was uncomfortable tonight, trying to be the strong when my child was weak. I didn't have the answer to her problem. My suggestions weren't what was needed. What was needed was for her to talk it out, get it off her chest, and be reminded in the end by me that she is NONE of the things she is called by other kids. She was reminded just.how.much she is loved and adored by her family, her friends, her neighbors, her Sunday school class, etc... and more and most importantly by Jesus. I told my daughter how incredibly proud I was of her not for how she did or didn't behave at school, but for being brave enough to tell me things that, for her, are painful. I told her that being brave looks like a lot of different things. It could be her not letting a bully push someone around. It could be her helping someone else when it's not convenient for her. And in this and SO.MANY.OTHER cases, it's being brave enough to stand up for herself because she believes in herself.

And so, Moms... and Dads.. and everyone else who has ever been the shoulder cried onto - or on some days, the crier - have we not forgotten what we've been commanded to do? It's not a suggestion. It's not a recommended best practice. It's a command. We are called to put unconditional faith in Him, which as a result mutes fear, quenches discouragement and above all, creates the type of inner strength and courage to believe we are beautiful. We are worth it. We are fearfully & wonderfully made.

So be brave today. And tomorrow.
And if you can't, find someone who can be brave for you - because hey, there is no story in which the hero is brave every single day. There is no happy ending that didn't have a valley in the middle. And there will always be those other kids - whether they're literally kids, or adults whose behavior looks eerily similar. I didn't think I was going to be brave tonight, but somehow, we managed.

And that's all we can do sometimes.

A SIDENOTE: Suicide Prevention Awareness Month was "officially" last month, but here's the deal: November 14th will mark 7 years of having lost a very close friend to the grips of suicide. She was a beautiful friend, soon-to-be mother, daughter and sister. She fought her battle and lost. And because of that, we lost. We lost her, and we lost our chance to carry her through the days when she could not be brave. If you are her: on the verge of giving up and giving in, I can only say this: The people who love you - who really, truly love you, are in greater numbers than you know. The people who care for not just your well-being, but your life - are all around you. You may not even know some of them yet. But they - WE - are here, and if it's one of us that you need to talk to, please... please.. please..... please just.. ask. We are broken humans, just like you, but on at least one day, we needed someone else to be brave for us. Joshua 1:9 - Please do NOT be afraid, because in your loneliest moment, you are still loved. 

As I told my daughter tonight: I will choose to be brave today, because I might need you to be tomorrow.
♥♥♥♥

xo | cmd