Mount Vernon - Remembering Carl & Jena

Today was kind of a hard day to digest.

It's easier now, if you want to put a level of intensity on it all, but definitely not by much. A couple different reasons....

I grew up in a small town. It had every bit of a small town feel to it, especially when it came down to everyone knowing everyone else and nobody having any real sense of privacy. Haha. It wasn't all bad though. We had the chance to grow closer to a smaller group of people and be plugged into things that are oftentimes foreign to the big cities.

clockwise from top left:
martina. emily. courtney. greg. carl. hilari.

A small town can be a blessing and a curse, all wrapped up into one small per capita headcount. By the time I graduated high school, my peers and I had said premature and bitter goodbyes to a handful of our classmates. I know that happens [unfortunately] everywhere, but it doesn't dull the pain when it's your friend, your sibling, classmate.

As it relates specifically to today, I'll just say that 2009 was a rough year.

I'll start with Carl. He was the oldest of six kids in a family everyone in our town knows. The Culbertsons are a staple family back home, and what happened in February rocked all of Mt. Vernon. I graduated with Carl's sister Courtney, and while I didn't know Carl all that well, I knew that his loss would fuel something intense. Carl passed away in February 2009 from an accidental heroin overdose. My mom and sister both worked with their dad, Dave, and so through them and through frequent fb updates, I was able to follow the creation and explosive reach of the Arms of An Angel Foundation, the tribute to Carl's life and educational outreach program.

Today was Carl's birthday. From here back to Ohio, to the Culbertson family: My heart goes out to you as you celebrate his life and everything it meant to you & now means to others (:

*****

As it happens, today will always be a haunting one for the Fogle family back home. This one, for me personally, is severely hard to digest and accept. It's both been "already" and "only" three years all at once and I still fight back that overwhelming emotion every time I think about it.

tribute from 2009

I met Jena in 6th grade, and we made quick with the whole becoming close friends right away. I don't think I need to tell you all the stuff we went through together as friends as we battled the regular teenage angst that comes along with conquering adolescence. Everyone can identify with the fact the each of our friends has something unique that characterizes them; Jena's was her laugh. Her laugh was a stark contrast to her typically quiet demeanor, but good grief was it contagious.

oh, the days | mvhs 1999 | corin. allison. amy. jena

^^ Yeah, I know... I've had issues dressing like a real girl for a long time now.. haha. [Jena used to give me grief about it, too.. well.... at least I'm consistent?] (:

I can't say what the tipping straw was to push Jena to the final breaking point, but it grips me to this day. I talked to Jena on November 12, and had made plans to see her the following weekend. I remember very clearly getting the phone call the very next day that she had been found in her parents' basement after she'd taken her own life. I was at Kim's house when Hilary called and told me it was over. There was no arguing, no negotiating, no begging that could change it. That desperate, paralyzing feeling that hits you in the knees and brings you straight to the floor came over me and I went numb. It was nearly an hour before I could cry, but when I did, I didn't stop for nearly two days. Jena was five months pregnant with little Braylon; my heart still breaks for both of them.

We aren't meant to know the reasons behind why certain things happen. It's heartbreaking to thinking about it sometimes, but I do still find comfort in the absolute rallying power of a small town when things like this happen. I've seen them do it before this and since this, too. 

Jena was fuel for me to join the AFSP: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I began as a field advocate rep for the Greater Cincinnati Area, and still serve remotely in that capacity even from Illinois.  Check it out - it's worth a second, especially if you've been impacted....

Today is for the Culbertson & Fogle families. You have my thoughts, my prayers, and my honest hope that you found PEACE and GOOD memories in today and every day moving forward. 

Carl Culbertson 13Nov1981 - 15Feb2009
Jena Fogle 19Jun1984 - 13Nov2009

:: Gone, but NEVER forgotten. ::

xo | cmd

Chik-Fil-A Day!

8.1.12

So there has been quiiiiite the fuss and fury over today's nationwide campaign to visit Chik-Fil-A and support  Dan Cathy's honest answer to a question already answered before it was poised.

Was I there? Yep.
Was I concerning myself with harsh, irrational thoughts of hatred geared towards those who weren't there, or those who would rather sit back and criticize the motives behind Chik-Fil-A? Nope.
And did I enjoy my food? Duh :).

Here's the thing. You can speculate all you want, but there are a multitude of reasons to justify my trip to Chik-Fil-A today.

1 | I am a Christian. That might enrage you, at the very thought of someone declaring it, but I am, and I'm not just settling for it, I am proud of it. That being said, the fine line that delineates radical individuals or groups who use the term Christian in a loose, contextually-twisted form is something to be carefully weighed. Where so many automatically gravitate to the belief that Christians are a hate-filled collection of uppity, judgmental snobs, I must disappoint you in that my belief system as a Christian dictates that I must love all people, regardless of their circumstance, belief, or lifestyle. That does not mean that I must advocate decisions with which I don't agree. Likewise, I wouldn't expect anyone to follow my beliefs without research and the conscious personal decision to do so. I personally am an advocate of Biblical principles, and regardless of how the world twists it, I will continue to be just that.

2 | Free Speech. This particular series of debate and controversy spawned from a Christian man answering a question honestly. Just like anyone is clearly free to voice disapproval of his answer, he's free to give it. And we're free to go eat. And the next person is free to not go eat. And so on....

3 | Political Chicken? Nah. I remember this one time, when I was a kid, and I could eat my food without having to justify that decision with 26 hours of research and a term paper. This time, I'll be politely declining the invite to implement a political regimen into my diet. My daily diet is slightly more organic than breaded and fried chicken, so I don't think that's really an issue, but you know what I mean. I will support and abide by the guidelines of my religious belief system, not the attempted swaying by bureaucrats that my political beliefs should either permit or a ban me from participating in any form of commerce. I'm not really a party type of gal, but I do know one thing; I'm no fascist.

what a crowd!

4 | Telephone!Cell Phone?Tell A Poem?Gel Foam?WHAT?! Remember that game? I do. Sitting in a circle with a bunch of other people whispering a short phrase and hearing how distorted it would become after moving from ear to ear. I read today that the original statement made by Mr. Cathy stated not that he is "anti-gay," rather that he is in favor of traditional Biblical principles as it pertains to marriage. Sure, it's splitting hairs, but in the plight to read things directly as they're presented, let's not do any twisting.


5 | I  ♥ Chik-Fil-A.  < And I totally don't mean that in a bandwagon way. I wasn't alone today, that's for sure. The line when I left was wrapped around kiosks all the way from the counter to Sears. Whoa. I may be a health nut, but every one of us has a few guilty pleasures. This happens to have been one of mine for a looong time, and that's not about to change because a man answered a personal question honestly. It's unecessarily delicious. On this particular venture today, I even found some dinner company [Greg & Bonnie]. Sorry, Panda Express, you'll have to wait.

I feel like this is all I've heard about all day long. Well, good for all of us, for making a stand in either direction. Happy Wednesday, friends :)

xo | cmd