35 Years Strong

January 2, 1982:

Rick & Sandy got married. 

They got married. They chose to commit their entire lives to the sacrifice, service & love of the other, vowing to put everything they had, into them. 

These are two people that adopted a little orphaned girl from the other side of the world. They have loved outside of themselves since before they were even they, and I became the product of a love that was willing to reach across oceans. 

These are two people who diligently played their respective roles as responsible adults in a world that could have caved in at any point. At one point, for him, it did, in a way. They fought tirelessly not to maintain a lifestyle, but to prove to the world and to themselves that they would not be broken, swayed or ill-manipulated. They lived life not perfectly, but honestly and with heart. 

These are two people who gave, and gave, and gave.. and then gave some more to those around them. And they haven't stopped! They delight in service, and find joy when they have played a part in enhancing the world around them for the benefit of someone else. 

These are two people who love all creatures, and believe in loving everything in exactly the season they've found it - whether it be a person in a dark season, or a sick animal. They have loved unconditionally, they have restored, and they have accepted. 

These are two people whose resolve to live clean, and be healthy. Their bodies are in no way reflective of what the number on paper says. They are diligent, dedicated and accountable in ways that are contagious to those around them. 

These are two people whose faith precedes them. They have been shown firsthand that where there is a will, there is a way, and that HIS will is always the best way. They have allowed themselves to be taught, mentored and loved in faith. 

And these are two people who today are celebrating 35 years of everything that is them: The beautiful moments and the ones that terrified them into sleepless nights filled with tears prayers. These are my parents, and these are two of undoubtedly the most phenomenal people I will ever know. 

Happy Anniversary, you two. May love always win ♥

xo | cmd

Oh One, Oh One: An Open Letter

My Dearest January: 

I believe I can speak on behalf of the greater majority in welcoming you back. It was been aptly noticed that following your appearance last year, the remaining flock of your dysfunctional siblings took the wheel and well, I'm sure you know how that went.

We lost a great many influential characters in 2016 - many of our historic pioneers and trailblazers, entertainers and American icons, are here among us no more. We elected a new president, and seemed determined to re-brand our purpose of unity only in the concurring that we have just about reached rock bottom in how serious we regard our politics. Miniature civil wars planted themselves across the country, fueled by racial hate, wealth & greed, politics and human rights. Nationally, war ravaged [and continues to ravage], providing coverage littered with white body bags and nameless, stunned children crying out for the parent who was just killed in a bomb strike. Natural disasters came and went, leaving families and communities in shambles - or in some cases, all together demolished. The clearly defined course of how we intended to grow from these things is still somewhat fuzzy, to me at least.

And yet, here we are. As wretched as that sounds, and as disheartening as all of this has been on so many of us, we are here. We are handed this new year, this new day and everything in it, so that the things that are avoidable, can be intentionally avoided. For those things unavoidable, inevitable and purely unexpected, maybe now is the time we intentionally commit to the highest level of preparedness there is, and then trust that our sure-footedness will carry us through the rest that we cannot foresee.

There was unmistakable beauty in 2016, too. I married my best friend. We not only bore witness in the marriages of several of our close friends, but had the honors of being in some of those weddings. Other friends had babies, some learned they would be expecting. Shelter animals were adopted. A significant portion of the DAPL was re-routed. People recovered from illness. Kids who plan to make their world a better place went viral on social media for doing it. There was a lot of ugly, but there was a lot of grace, too.

As it relates to New Years' Resolutions: I honestly don't think that in the last 3 years at least, I have designated a clear list of things I want to accomplish this year. I've had varying theories over the years, toggling between the quest to fully reinvent myself and the idea that all that I am just needs to be tweaked, not entirely reconstructed. I think one year I committed myself to "learning a new language." Bold, right? Possible, of course it is. Realistic for where I was at the time with life, motherhood, career & real, earnest desire in my heart-of-hearts? Probably not. SO, as I am swept into this new year, I have decided that YES, I do in fact have a couple of actual, practical and achievable resolutions for myself. In no particular order:

.:: Read More. I didn't do an awful job in 2016 of reading, but the list of want-to-reads still has some of the same titles on it, and I intend to conquer them this year. And also, because well, books. I love them and I love to read.

.:: Pray More. There is absolutely no power like the power of pray, and my goal this year is to re-calibrate my prayer life so that it happens all the time, not just in the super good and super bad times. Like, when the day is just... meh, I want to pray. And when I'm busy, I want to pray. Basically, whenever I become so self-absorbed with my little bubble, I want to train myself to stop, pray and give thanks for all that is and isn't.

.:: House Work! Please note that I did not say finish the housework. I by no means intend to finish the upgrades I want this year.. BUT, believe you me, the dining room will not see another Christmas looking the way it does now. Whatever else we can accomplish, will be added to the 2017 successes.

.:: Work Out. Gym. Diet. LIVE BETTER! Yes, I'm having a hard time putting that into words that don't strike me as cliche. As a disclaimer to no one in particular, I did get back into the gym sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. With that said, it'll probably be another week before I venture back; I will blame this on my current sinus infection, and admit that the influx of resolutioners is absolutely the second but still very legitimate reason that I'm okay waiting a week. But yeah. I have this one body, and only this one body, and if I'm stuck in it until I go back home, I might as well make it a nice place to live :).

.:: Family Before Work! Guilty. I did not always put my family before my work last year, but not always just because of physical overtime. Emotionally, I failed often at leaving the cloud of work at the door, and not letting it permeate the atmosphere of my home when I walked in each day. There is too much sitting right under my nose: my husband, daughter and two dogs, to allow the frustrations of work dictate my attitude at home.

I dunno, I think that is a fairly practical commitment; really, I could build onto each of those into a dozen sub-categories, but I don't think resolutions should be bound just to the beginning of a year. Who knows, maybe I'll have February resolutions. Or Tuesday resolutions. Or 3:30 PM resolutions.

The year's still new. Who knows.

For now, Happy 2017, blogbots.

Above all, LOVE♥

xo | cms

She Loves - Series Day 12: Tales of Adoption

First and foremost, it's Noooovemberrrrr! I love this month for a slew of different reasons. It's National Adoption Month, my birthday month, Thanksgiving, football season, beanie & scarf season, boot weather... yeah, I'm absolutely that girl that feels about November the way many people feel about Fall in general: YESSS.

With that being said, today's verse ties in perfectly with how I wanted to kick off this month: by celebrating National Adoption Month [let's call it NAM]! 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

- Psalm 139:14 [NIV]

 

I shared this picture on Facebook earlier today, in celebration of NAM: It's probably now my favorite photo-mark that I've done for NAM over the past few years,; it's obviously from the wedding, and you guys, I am in love with what this says about my family.. namely my parents.

There was a comment after I posted, asking me to share the story of my adoption. Don't worry guys, it's not super complicated, but Jen, thank you for prompting me to do the obvious, and re-count the bottomless blessing that is [my] adoption. So here's my story, in a nutshell: 

********************** 

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from Him.
- Psalm 127:3

That sounds rather indisputable, and as a parent now, I can confirm that the reward part is without question true. Children are the past, present and future of humanity, if you think about it. Both our ancestors and we were them, we raise them, we teach them and we prepare them to take our places. They are literally heritage. 

So when having children is part of someone's dream, it goes without saying that the disappointment in being unable to - for whatever the reason - is heartbreaking. As a Christian, I still struggle to understand when I hear about an expectant couple losing their baby to a miscarriage. I don't want to accept the bigger picture when my friend whose marriage is wavering because they cannot conceive a child. I am not the woman who swallows envy and bitterness when she sees other women whose bodies were capable of enduring pregnancy. I cannot imagine. 

That was my mom. That was my dad. That was my family. The abridged version is that my parents tried so many times that they lost count. An army of doctors couldn't come up with an answer they hadn't already heard. They hopefully forged ahead and each time were met with bad news. The breaking straw was when the miscarriage came, somewhere between month 5 and 6. 

Two people with a dream of being parents. Of instilling in another human the love and life that to this day is the exact definition of who they are as humans. They were at the end of the road. Again. 

It could have stopped there. They could have let that pain dissolve any further talk on the matter of parenthood. It could have consumed them, and destroyed a marriage. 

But by the GRACE OF GOD, that is not who my mother and father are. [My fingers just wrote that on their own and now I'm crying.. okay..]. So they picked up the pieces. They relied on each other and their support network to provide that bridge back to normalcy, to clarity. And then they set their jaws and got real with the sky-high, seemingly indestructible wall between them and parenthood. They sought out local resources and information on adoption. They ignored nay-sayers. They began the 2+-year process of an international adoption. 

And one day, months and months after that first step of faith, they received this: 

[my first mugshot!]

Ya'll. That's me. That is the picture they received from the agency, of a clearly-frightened, gender ambiguous-in-appearance, malnourished little girl on the other side of the world, at an orphanage in Cebu City, Philippines. THIS, you guys, is the picture that solidified my future as an adoptee. 

You will never convince me that this wasn't a God thing. 

I look like a lot of sad, strange things in this picture, but a cuddly, poster-baby is not, in my opinion, one of them. So understandably, when I've asked my parents what it was about this picture that said 'this is the one,' their honest answer has always been, "We just knew." And as hard as I tried to force a more detailed answer over the years, the more I've realized that it had nothing to do with them or with me. 

Fast forward to my debut on American soil: 

day 1.

Sometime, 1985: This was taken I believe at some legal appointment to establish my citizenship, because naturalization when you're a baby does not include testing through the history of the country and also the periodic table can I get an Aaaamen. Haha. Seriously though. I became theirs and they became mine, by the authority of the U.S. Government and the State of Colorado. 

And they became the type of first time parents that everyone else does: 

almost. this is... so close. ;) 

That's dad, and me, somewhere in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. We still laugh at all the camping expeditions that ended with me finding new and improved ways to make myself miserable... because that's what kids do naturally, and if there's any guarantee, it's that Mom & Dad learn it all right along with us, the first time it happens. There's no manual for new parenthood, and there's certainly no Cliff Notes for the first-timer who steps in after 16+months. 

family out (dad's side of the family) 

There is however, a nice, long learning curve for adoptive families, that manifests itself in a variety of challenging ways. In some cases that I've heard, it's intense separation anxiety. Sometimes an overall identity crisis. Social issues, depression, loneliness. In my case, it came in the form of emotional detachment and anger under stress. For all we could see, I appeared to be well-adjusted for the most part on a good day, but [and especially as] I approached my tween and teen years, my coping abilities seemed to fail more often than not through stressful situations: disagreements with my parents, puppy-love breakups, tween social drama, academic pressure, sports, loss of pets & family members. You know..... life. I vividly remember more than one occasion of lying on my bedroom floor, staring at my ceiling, and speaking audibly to nobody in particular: 

"This is not literally going to kill you. Get a grip." 

At 16, I "ran away" from home. Before you gasp at that, I "ran" to the other side of our small town and lived with one of my friends for less than a month. Looking back now, I know my parents knew, even though I liked to pretend then that I was completely off the grid. I mean, c'mon, it was during the school year. I didn't miss a day of school and was still getting straight A's. When I "went home," I got sent to see a therapist. That was the worst part, because especially now, I realize that that man should've have ever been tasked with my case - he didn't know the first thing about adopted kids. 

I was not always kind to my parents. No kid always is, but in my parents' case, I put them through a specific season of challenges because we were both, in the big scheme of things, gravely uneducated and far out of touch with how to process through my adolescent life as an adoptive family. Among the many things I see now looking back, what stands out to me most is just.how.undeserving I was of their unconditional love. Their faith in me to be resilient, even if it was in my own way, and most of all, their transparency and honesty in admitting that they were but two people doing their very best and then some for that little girl they worked so tirelessly to call their own before she was even born. 

senior recognition night, 2003

I graduated high school. I made it through college. I said goodbye to both of my grandmothers [my grandfathers had both passed before my 4th birthday]. I wrecked cars. I suffered and recovered from a slew of sports injuries.I started & left jobs. I moved once a year it seemed throughout and soon after college, with and without roommates. I gave birth to my daughter. I lived life and so far I have done all of it because of and with them by my side, even at my darkest. My faith in myself has been suspended on several occasions, but theirs has never faltered, not once. 

[I would love to share more, but this is already much longer than I intended... if there are questions you have about life as an adoptee, I am happy to share anything else you want.. message me!] 

I have heard adoptive parents say their kids are the greatest blessing. What they might forget is that they are in fact OUR blessing. ♥

family. ♥

And this is modern day. This life I have now: everything and everyone in it, is because God planted a seed in the heart of two devastated people all those years ago, to have hope and faith that he would multiply their blessings and their wishes tenfold in the wake of heartache. I have not been the perfect daughter, but I am theirs, and they are mine. And let me tell you guys: 

I praise Him because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; His works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Happy National Adoption Month, to all our fellow adopters & adoptees... and HAPPY NOVEMBER to everyone else!

xo | cms

She Loves - Series Day 9: Just Me :)

Happy kinda-almost-Halloween, blogbots! If you're anything like us, your trick-or-treat night was tonight, because Halloween itself is on a Monday [aka work & school]night, and half of us lack either the time or energy - or both - for that. And yes, we trick-or-treat on Halloween not because we are demonic, but because we enjoy fun costumes, hanging out with friends and bringing in hauls of candy. [I was recently warned by someone that Halloween is not something a Christian family should celebrate; this is perhaps a conversation for another day, but I'll say this - I appreciate the weigh in, and understand the argument, but I don't agree. Connect with me directly if you want to dialogue on it!]

soccer tourney!

ANYWAY, we obliged an invitation an hour north by our friends Shayne & Cassie, and after a morning of soccer here in Cincinnati, we rested up for the long night ahead of us. There is something to be said about the excitement kids find in trick-or-treating. It's a community effort, and in some cases a rather extravagant one. We as adults reminisce on all the times our parents trailed us through neighborhoods as we willingly walked miles of residential sidewalk and driveway for chocolate and other varieties that very well could've sucked our teeth out.  I did that tonight with my own daughter, whose ballerina costume earned her several compliments, and an equal collection of Reese Cups [everybody wins!].

awww, flashbacks to jamaica!
the kittles. the stokes. the gills.

1 Corinthians 15:10 - 

By the grace of God,
I am what I am. 

This I think is ultra-fitting today, because as we get into costume as someone [or something] else, it's not permanent and it doesn't change who we are.

trick or treating 2016

I was reminded today of the novelty in being that other thing - even just briefly. As our kids meandered around the neighborhood- this pocket-sized battalion of story & comic book characters, I was struck with appreciation for: 

- all the times our parents braved trick-or-treating with us as kids, which IF I REMEMBER, was WAY more of a bloodsport for kids than it is now. I'm serious. I can't be the only one that remembers savage battles with sibling or friend over who got to ring the doorbell first. Kids these days are so... polite. Weird.

- all those times our parents had to take us trick-or-treating, in weather that sucked. Also something we're all politely choosing to ignore: I don't remember one single childhood Halloween when we didn't have to modify our costumes to fit over everything but the snowsuit itself. Today it was a very nice 65ish degreese outside, without a cloud in the sky. I said a silent thank-you for it.

- the fact that trick-or-treating is still a very real past-time, and that I get to share this with my daughter.

Rob and I didn't dress up this year. Really, we could've planned for something, but whether by lack of time or inadequate incentive, it just didn't happen. We're fine with that, but honestly, I agonized over the idea of not dressing up for longer than was really necessary. I get the festive spirit from my mother, who loves taking participation to a new level every time, not because she's competitive, but because she legitimately loves to be wholly entrenched in the spirit of whatever it is she's there to celebrate [Renaissance Festivals, if you need an example].

I didn't have a huge epiphany tonight, if that's what you thought I was going to say.. no. I didn't. I do however, think there's no better time than today to have this verse as an underlying reminder that we can dress up as anything under the sun that we can imagine, but it doesn't change who we are. This mama is learning every day to take and keep ownership of the mess she is, day in and day out, and embracing the idea that I am what I am, and every bit of it - both good and bad, by the grace of God.

excuse my face.. i was chewing.. haha

I hope all of you out there collecting candy, peering through little eye-holes in your mask, or bargaining all night with an itchy wig - I hope ya'll are having a blast, staying safe and spending some quality time with your crew. 

Happy Kinda Halloween! ;) 

xo | cms

She Loves - Series Day 8: Worry Not

Philippians 4:6-8 - Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. [NIV]

I cheated today and read this at the beginning of the day. I needed it today; Friday started off feeling more like a Monday, and an ugly one at that. With several fires to put out before the 9:00 hour was even over, it seemed liked I had a target painted on my forehead that I didn't know about.

Fortunately, I had the chance to step away from the desk for about 30 minutes to bid See-you-later to Mare, Derrek & Cooper before they embarked on the 12ish-hour journey back to Vermont.

cooper!
[& humans.]

I am grateful that Cooper's new humans [aka Mare & Derrek] included us as part of their journey to get him, affording us a small but invaluable window of time to spend with good friends. The next time we'll see you, buddy, you'll be a giant! 

Back at work, I started the process of detangling the web of ridiculously unnecessary problems created by irresponsible people temporary inconveniences that are part of the nature of my line of work... always a process. I was pleasantly interrupted by an unexpected visitor:

hiiiiiiiii! 

I gotta tell ya, if ever I believe there is too much on my plate for me to handle in a sane way, God reminds me that He's got this, and plugs all those leaking holes in the ship with good people, good fortune and a gentle, stern reminder of this: Quit your worrying, girl, and tell me what you need. 

Talk about a direct answer.

That girl up there [Becky] has been my goal when it comes to adventurous spirits. Among my small inner circle, she is the one who obliges her inner adventure the majority of the time. She somehow balances adulting with recreation, usually in some service-minded, bigger picture kind of way. If you've never heard me describe her impact on my life in a few sentences, here it is: She's my R.A. from freshman year at UC, teammate on both college & rec soccer teams, mentor, friend and peer. She made me run every step of Nippert stadium in one pass, forced us to do annual blood drives and pushed me to my physical limits in training more than once... and we're still friends ;). She is selfless, compassionate and is both the most patient and impatient person I've ever met.

And there are some big [new] adventures on her plate, fast-approaching and in no means minor. One of the many reasons I respect her so is that in spite of her constantly taking life by its horns and dragging it behind her, she is still human, and is still able to acknowledge very human tendencies to worry or excessively weigh out the future. The unknown. The what-ifs. And then she shrugs and takes off head-first into that unknown. And 9 times out of 10, comes back without regret.

And I think today I needed her to swoop in - literally. It felt as though I couldn't shake a lingering sense of frustration through the work day: one of those days that hands you an interruption just about every time you try to get something done, ya know? Where everyone has an emergency, and people prove that their word and bond mean about as much as hot air in a pillowcase - ya know?? *Sigh.

Stop worrying. Stop rushing for one second and let the seconds come to you. Pray. Listen. Breathe. 

I wasn't sure how today was going to play out, but it ended just fine, because that is what happens when I start over-dramatizing things. I had more valleys and plateaus today than peaks, but I'm certain that's how it's supposed to be. We are not to worry, because that's not just useless - we're specifically instructed not to.

Today I am thankful for chicken + waffles, road trippers, baby German Shepherds, adventurous spirits and the not-so-subtle reminders that all. is. well. ♥

Happy Friday, bots!

xo | cms 

She Loves - Series Day 7: Stay & Rest

Psalm 9:1 - Under His wings you will find refuge. [NIV]

So I'll admit, we're only 7 days into this and I really didn't feel particularly drawn to any immediate correlation for this verse and my life, at least today. That's not to say there never has been, but that's the reality of scripture - while it is wonderful, there will be times when specific passages just don't speak to you in that Richter scale kinda way.

And I believe that's okay. I believe it's normal, and natural, because if we force something to fit, it's not authentic. So yes, I believe today's verse is without question an indisputable declaration, and I have in fact sought out the exact type of shelter it's referencing. I've been so broken that I thought I'd never find my way back to willingly getting out of bed the next day, and as much as I'd love to say I was resilient on my own accord, that's not the case.

But today, many miles later and in between valleys, I can say that I read that and smiled at being reminded of it, but didn't feel the deep sigh as though I had desperately needed it.

Today, at least. And I am thankful for that .

I do however have a praise to share! Tonight was the first night for me and Sydni [disclaimer: yes, I realize I just created grammatical treason; I did it on purpose ;)] to go together to the SonRise peace center to fill bags for our church's backpack ministry. I had major proud mama smiles as we made our rounds through the line. We talked about what we were doing, and that these bags are for kids just like her, but who perhaps wouldn't get to eat anything yummy on the weekends outside of the school cafeterias. I've said it before but I'll say it again - this little girl's heart is bigger than the ocean is wide sometimes, and it was everything we could do tonight to keep her from literally running through the person in front of her - she wanted to fill 'a thousand bags, Mom' so that 'no kids get hungry this weekend!' < GOSH.♥

be.still.my.heart.

 After backpack, we headed home, where Mare & Derrek met us after their day gallivanting around Cincinnati with Cooper.

cooper!
[& stella's waggy butt :p]

We grilled out, spent quality time as a happy household of young and adult humans and dogs, and finished up the night huddled under blankets in the basement watching Captain America: Civil War.  

[minus rob, stella & syd]

Perhaps you stumbled here looking for some eloquent parallel around this verse; I'm sorry I may have disappointed there, but that should not miniaturize at all the promise behind it. If you really did need that today, then I encourage you to go and read it on your own, and pray for open eye and heart for how you might be drawn to related scripture and let it speak to you in the way that you need. 

We were happy to host our traveling friends tonight, and although I am NOT saying our home would never equal the refuge God provides, I can hope it did prove a humble place for them to rest, if in no other way than literally. 

I hope you find rest throughout this week, whether it's serious or not. Breathe, pray, give thanks. Repeat. 

Happy Midweek! 

xo | cmd

She Loves - Series Day 6: Speak Light

Proverbs 31:26 - She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. [NIV]

So.... Are you readin' this, self? I mean, I know you're reading it, but are you listening?

Wheeeere to start and what to say with this one, huh. I read this today, and while I don't think? I've said anything extraordinarily stupid today, I can definitely say my days of unwise and misguided verbal vomit are-a-plenty. Also.. italics. So dramatic. :|

This is the verse after my mantra verse, from the other day on the list as well, which is part of a big picture descriptive of the Noble Wife. While verse 25 speaks to her inner edification, this encompasses how she expresses her character.

I'm by no means a strong verbalizer when it comes to politics. If there's ever been a more appropriate time to understand the impact we have with the words we speak and what that reflects about who we are. It is... so much more than whatever candidate you're supporting as we near the election. I think we can all agree that regardless of what social media platform you use, or if it's even online at all, decisions of this magnitude have always delivered to us the ugliest versions of ourselves and those around us.

election 2016

Since the presidential campaigning started, my newsfeed has been a collection of wedding photo albums and political banter. Literally two polar opposites. The first a reel of people celebrating love & unity, and the latter divisive, intentionally brutal and defaming words against the other opponent and anyone in support of said opponent. And in a lot of cases, you can find both on the same person's page.

So here we are, raising kids, trying to be decent humans among our peers and especially to our kids, with the ever-growing pressure to speak out about         (you name it)         . To have a voice. A backbone. A position.

And frankly, I am a firm believer in doing exactly that: standing up for what we believe to be true, right and real. I believe that if I'm losing anything, it won't be without a passionate fight. But therein lies the trap of getting from the start to finish line without falling prey to saying things we know we don't mean, attacking people out of misguided emotion, and in the wake, leaving behind a trail of who we really are when the stakes are high and the pressure is real.

I want to segue from there to a quick brag moment, on one of my closest and most... enduring friends. This girl and her boyfriend arrived late tonight after driving 12+ hours to pick up their new puppy in Indiana. They started in Vermont before the sun was up, and pulled up to our house long after the darkness had settled in.

mare & the newest member of her clan: cooper! 

I'll try to keep this concise, but there are a few things that the world should know about Mare:
She's a veteran of both the military and of life. She has been to the edge of hell, and came back. She's damaged because of it, and doesn't pretend not to be. She's the exact opposite, actually. It took a whole lot of digging out of emotional and psychological pits for her to find solid ground, and some days are still better than others. She is the picture of resilience, in her own fantastic way. In my opinion, she is a wonderfully restored soul, who has slowly forged new and rewarding paths as a result of chaos or conflict, instead of allowing them to erase her. I am thankful to serve the same God that replenishes people like her - like all of us, and honored to call him my own saving grace.

I have admired this about my friend since the day I met her, and I am very proud to say that when I find myself cornered by my own human nature, she is among the small handful of people on whom I can count to provide me a perfectly portioned, side-by-side serving of empathy and uncomfortable [but exact] wisdom. As I say this though, let me add the caveat that it's not solely because she's "been through it," but because this girl is also one of the strongest Christians I know. And one of the most broken. And because of that, because she has seen the redemptive power of giving all of that brokenness, all of the darkness, all of everything, to a God who is bigger than we can even imagine... and has found light in return. That is why I am proud to call her my friend, but beyond that, I have seen the proof of God's presence in her life, and how that continues every day to transform her more and more into a woman of noble character. When she gives advice, I know it is driven by scripture - by truth, by experience and by faith. I have faith it will usually be wise.

One definition of Wisdom is literally this:
Knowledge of  what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; ... discernment or insight. 

How do we even begin to separate right from wrong? How do we develop healthy discernment [versus unhealthy paranoia]? In real time, right now, how do we channel our beliefs on what is right or wrong into an expression that aligns with who we want to be as a human, as an example?

All. good. questions.
And no, guys, I don't have all those answers. Sorry. I am only as wise as the research I do on my own. The guidance I seek from those more-seasoned than me. My faith can only be anchored as far as I'm willing to "test the saints." I'm nothing more than a speck on the map, and a URL on the world wide web... but my not-so-secret plan to leave my mark as a Christian daughter, mother, sister, wife, friend, coworker, teammate and stranger is this:

I will trust that with every.single.day, the mercies I don't deserve are brand new. I will believe that all humans - myself most absoluuuutely included, are broken to some degree on the spectrum. I legitimately do believe that the majority of the people that at least I know, while varying in political, religious, economic, professional, social [etc. etc.!] positions, want what they believe is best not just for them, but for those around them. I like to think they believe whole-heartedly in the things they choose to advocate publicly. I don't and won't agree with some of them. I agree with others. I choose to respect both. I will participate only in conversations that I am confident I am prepared to have, with the understanding that nobody is better than me, nor I than anyone else. When I inevitably agree-to-disagree with anyone, it will be because we have different but equally-educated positions on the matter at hand.

And I will speak wisely, with respect and love.
And I will not always succeed. And I will use the failed attempts as fuel to develop my own self-control and discernment. And I will have good and bad days. And I will teach my daughter the value of both. And she will fail. And then she'll succeed. And we'll rely through it all on our God who has already seen the coming days. We will pray, and we will listen.

My hope is that you all have a friend in your life like Mare. Or maybe you are that friend. Most importantly, I encourage you to reach this entire chapter in Proverbs. See where it leads you! To recognize the fact that every single one of us is capable of finding and embracing wisdom, love and light is crazy incredible. I know this entry seemed a little scattered, but I'm far from checking off 'figured it out' off the list. So in the meantime, I'll make conscious efforts to speak wisdom, and with faithful instruction when it's my turn.

Happy midweek - love you blogbots!

xo | cms